Prelude and Conversation

    “We’ve seen satellite photos of the aliens’ base camps all over the world,” Jack Diamond told the other heroes at the table, “and they all look exactly the same. The same dimensions, same organization, same shape.” He saw a couple of his cohorts nod. “That’s what makes this next picture is so interesting.”
     He clicked a button on the remote control, and the projected picture on the conference room screen changed. The previous image’s perfect rectangle was now marred by a large, irregularly shaped protuberance. There was immediate chatter in the room.
    “This is the landing zone in the Nevada desert. Over the past week, we’ve seen this unusual area form and grow. There has been no atmospheric traffic in or out and no particular activity in the area. No obvious reason for such a drastic change. So I went down last night to take a look.”
    He pressed the button again, and a new image appeared. “These are night vision photos, digitally enhanced and colored. As you can see, this new area appears to be a hospital.”
    Row upon hastily organized row of beds stood out in the grainy photograph. They were filled with the humanoid-looking creatures the heroes had come to know so well over the previous five months. More than a dozen similar photos followed in rapid succession.
    “As you can see, a large portion of the enemy camp is now in bed. And as some of you have probably noticed, there are no signs of battle wounds, no missing limbs, or anything of the sort.”
    “That's odd,” Bronze Guardian said. “Why would so many of them be in a hospital unless they were wounded?”
    “They’re not injured,” Impulse offered. “They’re sick.”
    Diamond smiled grimly at her deduction. “That’s what it looks like.” He waited in silence for a moment for that fact to sink in.
    “So we may have an alien plague on our hands,” Thunderstrike said. Sometimes it was hard for Diamond to believe that this baby-faced kid was actually a married man in his mid-thirties with almost two decades of experience as a hero. “Any sign that it’s spread beyond the camp?”
    “Not yet,” Diamond reassured him. “It’s our good luck that they set up shop in the middle of nowhere.”
    “It’s also good luck that we have a world-renowned immunologist in our midst,” Thunderstrike countered, turning to a longtime teammate. “So what do we need, doc? Blood samples?”
    “Blood samples would only be helpful I had some healthy ones for comparison,” the man-wolf answered. “If you can talk them into providing some, I'll be happy to see what I can do.”
    “Fang’s right,” said Momenta, brushing the auburn hair from her eyes. “We need more information, or we’re never going to pin this one down.”
    “It would help if we could tap into some resources beyond what we've got here. Enigma?”
    The blonde-haired ex-intelligence officer looked up from his notepad at Impulse. “I know some people in the NSA,” he told her. “I can see what they might know.”
    “Do it,” she replied, turning her attention back to Jack Diamond. “And if you have any unusual resources that might help….”
    Diamond looked unusually thoughtful. “I think I just might.”


    Jack Diamond knocked at the door. It opened almost immediately, as he had hoped it would. “Enigma….”
    “Please, call me Alex.” He was obviously still not entirely comfortable using a code name.
    “Alex,” he corrected himself. “May I come in?”
    “Of course. Have a seat. Can I get you something?”
    Diamond looked around at his teammate’s quarters. They were spartan, well organized, and immaculately clean. Not surprising, he thought; the man was in the military for ten years. “No thanks, I ate just before the meeting.”
    “All right,” he answered, taking a seat opposite his guest. “What can I do for you?”
    “What do you know about all this?”
    Alex regarded his guest for a moment before answering. “That’s an interesting question.”
    “I hope you’d be interested in an alien disease we may have no way to fight.”
    “Oh, I am, certainly. But that’s not what I was talking about. It’s the question itself that I found interesting. ‘What do you know about all this?’ Not, ‘Do you know anything about this?’ or ‘Have you heard anything about this?’ A little presumptuous, don’t you think?”
    “Not at all. If anyone here knows anything more than I do on this, it’s got to be you.”
    “And why is that?”
    “It’s your business to know things that nobody else knows, isn’t it?”
    “Well, I do have some small talent for gathering information,” he admitted.
    “Yes, and you also have a talent for obfuscation.” Diamond smiled. “And it’s not going to work on me. Tell me what you know.”
    Alex thought for a moment before answering. “I’ll make you a deal. Prove to me that you know I know something, and we’ll talk.”
    Diamond’s smile turned to a smirk. “Okay, we’ll play it your way. First, you have ten years’ experience in Air Force Intelligence, mostly spent cracking computer codes and translating enemy signals. Second, as you stated before, you have contacts in the intelligence community. And third, you love a good mystery as much as I do, and maybe more. There’s no reason you shouldn’t know something.”
    Alex returned Diamond’s smile. “What you’ve given me is speculation and flattery—neither of which is proof. If you really think I’ve got information, you’ve got to know I won’t give it up that cheaply.”
    “All right, then, there’s the matter of your behavior at the meeting a few minutes ago.”
    “Yes?”
    “You were extremely…professional.”
    “Well, this is my profession.”
    “No, it was more than that. You handled the meeting perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. You took notes, nodded at the appropriate times, even offered to help find some things out. You were concerned without being worried, detached without being distant. You have an exceptional poker face, Alex.”
    “Thank you.”
    “The problem is, no one else in the room was playing poker.”
    The man not yet comfortable with the name Enigma allowed himself a small frown. “In other words, I did it too well. I begin to see the nature of the problem. Part of the adjustment to working with civilians, I guess.”
    “It’s not that big a problem, actually. I seriously doubt anyone but me noticed.”
    “What about Impulse?”
    Diamond snorted dismissively. “Being a telepath doesn’t mean you know what people are thinking all the time. She’s a decent investigator, but she relies too much on her powers and not enough on her instincts.”
    “I’ll keep that in mind.”
    “You do that. Now, I believe you were about to answer some questions for me.”
    “Fair enough. I can tell you that what you have deduced so far is true. That is a hospital we see in those pictures. There are something like three hundred and fifty of them in there right now....”
    “Three hundred and thirty-eight, if my count is correct.”
    “I don't doubt that it is. And no, they're not suffering from battle wounds. They're sick.”
    “How sick?”
    “It's probably life-threatening for most of them.”
    “And what's the danger to us?”
    “Minimal.”
    Diamond looked his teammate directly in the eye. “What, exactly, do they have?”
    “Influenza. The same strain that we all suffered through last last winter.”
    He leaned back, exhaled. “So the aliens have contracted a disease that's generally just an inconvenience to us but is deadly to them. Bad break.”
    “For them.”
    “You know, if this disease had been intentionally introduced into their camp, some people would call that bioterrorism.”
    Alex shrugged. “And some people would say the aliens set themselves up for that kind of response when they started dropping asteroids on our major cities.”
    “So, an eye for an eye, eh? One weapon of mass destruction deserves another?”
    He shrugged again. “One of the aims in war is to attack the enemy in a way they can't counter. We can't stop their mass drivers, they can't stop our viruses. We have a balance.”
    “And that justifies biological warfare?”
    “Usually, I'd say no. In this war, I'd be willing to make an exception.”
    “Why this war?”
    “Because this war isn't about power or resources or lines on a map. It's about evolution. If we lose this war, the human species becomes extinct. It's that simple. The choice for us is whether to go gently, or to rage. Until and unless the invaders show that they can coexist with us, we have to fight them with every weapon we have. Including biological warfare.”
    The two regarded each other silently for a moment. “I won't say I disagree with your reasoning,” Diamond finally said. Alex nodded in acknowledgment. “From a strictly pragmatic point of view, it's a hell of a plan. Simple, discrete, devastatingly effective. Once all the planning was taken care of, it probably wouldn't take more than three or four people to implement.”
    “What makes you think it would take more than one?” His face was utterly calm.
    Diamond nodded to himself. The final piece of the puzzle. “I suppose a single operative could pull it off, if it were the right person. Sneaking into an alien encampment to plant a virus would take someone with extensive training in tactics and infiltration. Special Forces training, maybe. They'd need to be smart, able to think on their feet. They'd need nerve, not to mention exceptional talents. Maybe even superhuman powers.”
    “And a rudimentary working knowledge of the aliens' language wouldn't hurt, either.”
    For the first time in the conversation, Jack Diamond was truly surprised. He thought of a reply, then bit it back. He'd said enough, heard enough.
    They sat together in silence for a long moment, then Diamond rose to his feet. Alex followed suit. “Well, I suppose I should get some work done. There's a war on, you know.” He extended his hand.
    Alex took it at once and shook it. “Yes, these are trying times for us all. I'll call my friend at the NSA and see what he knows. Something tells me he'll be able to offer all kinds of interesting information.”
    “Yeah, let me know what you find out. And thanks for the chat. This has been a most interesting evening of...speculation.”
    Alex watched Diamond turn and leave his quarters. He smiled to himself.
    “You never asked me to speculate.”

The REAL March Madness

March Madness '06: The Ultimate Battle

Deathstroke vs Wolverine?
Batman vs Black Panther?
Colossus vs Green Lantern?
Iron Man vs Earth 2 Superman?
Emma Frost vs The Hulk?
Supergirl vs Superboy Prime?

Who will win it all?!

What If?

One of my favorite aspects of Science Fiction is the speculative nature of the genre. For example, Star Trek, Firefly, Babylon 5, Space: Above and Beyond, and Battlestar Galactica all take place in the Earth's future, yet they are radically different in tone and content. The major differences, to my mind, are all based on assumptions about what happens between now and then. Change just a few key events, and the entire future changes.

Literature is full of such stories. What would have happened if Germany developed the atomic bomb first, or if Rome hadn't fallen? I heard recently about a video game in which it's assumed that Hitler was assassinated young—which opened the door for Stalin to take over Europe instead. It's fun to speculate how history would change if a single event came out differently.

I saw a movie recently that uses this approach in an unconventional genre, the romantic comedy. It's called Sliding Doors. To explain: A young London woman is fired from her job. On her way back home she rushes down the stairs to the Underground, only to miss her train by seconds. Then we see a rewind effect, and she comes back down the stairs and makes her train. At this point, time splits.

In one timeline, the train gets her home quickly, and she finds her live-in boyfriend in bed with another woman. She leaves him, meets someone else, and ends up starting her own business. In the other timeline, she leaves the train station and tries to hail a cab, only to get mugged in the process. Her emergency room visit keeps her from getting home in time to discover her lecherous boyfriend's affair, and her injury motivates him to pay more attention to her, at least in the short term. We watch the two stories unfold side by side, wondering which one is the real story. I won't spoil the ending for those who haven't seen it, but I will say that the ending features a nice bit of symmetry that unites the two timelines.

In other words, it's basically a chick flick with sci-fi undertones. Something for everyone.

Master This

Another Jedi Master

Love & Romance, SF/F-Style

In celebration of the Valentine's Day holiday, let's look at some prominent Sci-fi and Fantasy romances:

» Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson (Spider-Man)
In a universe where most superhero romances end up completely screwed up (i.e., Scott Summers), it's great to see a nice couple like this live a fairly normal and happy life.

» Han Solo and Leia Organa (Star Wars)
"Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her, or I'm beginning to like her." Ah, the joys of love at first sight. Who would have thought a princess and a scoundrel could make it work so well?

» Richard Rahl and Kahlan Amnell (Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series)
The most horrifying things happen to this couple. They face death, pain, torture, betrayal, loss, and grief by the cartload. But their love keeps them alive and hopeful, and that hope radiates to those they lead as they fight the greatest evil their world has ever known.

» Clark Kent and Lois Lane (Superman)
Lois is as central to the Superman mythos as Clark himself is. You simply can't have one without the other, be it in print, television, or movie format.

» Jadzia Dax and Worf (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
While his dalliance with Deanna Troi near the end of TNG was interesting, Worf met his true match and soulmate in Jadzia. Even after her untimely (and useless) death, she still shaped Worf's life like nobody else could. This was the best of all the Trek romances.

» Bob and Helen Parr (Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl) (The Incredibles)
The family that fights crime together stays together. The "I'm not strong enough" sequence is one of my favorite movie scenes ever.

» Marcus Cole and Susan Ivanova (Babylon 5)
One of the greatest romances that never was. Marcus loved Ivanova from afar, adored her, saved himself for her, and ultimately died for her. Ivanova could never bring herself to see, accept, or return his love until it was too late. As tragic as anything from Shakespeare.

» Westley and Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Proof positive that death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.

» Daniel Drieberg (Night Owl) and Laurie Juspeczyk (Silk Spectre) (Watchmen)
When the world is going to hell around you, sometimes all you can do is hold on to someone. And sometimes, that's enough.

» Simon Tam and Kaylee Frye (Firefly / Serenity)
Face it: if Simon—a certified geek whose family issues are, to say the least, problematic—can get the girl, then there's got to be hope for the rest of us.

Star Trek: Reloaded

The question of where Star Trek goes next is an interesting one. Here's my take:

Obviously, we can't start from where we left off. The Trek universe, at 'present', isn't very interesting.

Here's the current situation: the Dominion is defeated, the Borg Queen is dead, Cardassia has been emasculated, the Romulans are still rebuilding after the Shinzon debacle, the Federation is in a state of détente with the Klingons, the Maquis are gone, and the Ferengi are looking positively benign under the administration of Grand Nagus Rom.

In short, there's nobody left to fight.

Oh sure, the Breen, the Naussicans, and the Tholians are still around. But it's hard to imagine a whole series based around any of these antagonists. They're too inhuman to make it interesting. There are still a few hostiles floating around in the Delta Quadrant—the Hirogen, Species 8472, and the like. It certainly wouldn't break my heart to see the Kazon get their butts whipped a few more times. But those foes are thousands of light-years away. And to be honest, they were of only limited interest in Voyager in the first place.

The Trek universe has become boring.

And to me, that is the real problem. The solution? As Derek suggested, let's go back to a time when things were really interesting. Conflict is at the heart of any good story. And there's plenty of that in the Trek universe of the 'past'.

The Next Generation/Deep Space 9 era is certainly a good candidate for a series setting. It would give potential viewers a sense of familiarity, and there are certainly enough interesting things going on then. We might see the Klingon civil war from one of the other ships in the Federation blockade. Perhaps there were some survivors of Wolf 359. Or maybe, just maybe, there were some interesting things going on back then that didn't involve the Enterprise or her crew in the least.

I've recently been reading some of the Star Trek: The Lost Era books. This would also be an interesting setting. George Takei is almost 80 now, so it may not be practical to show the Sulu-era adventures of the Excelsior. But there are almost unlimited possibilities for Enterprise-B and Enterprise-C. Let's see some action involving Captains Harriman and Garrett. The universe of the Trek Interregnum sounds like a pretty exciting place to me, filled with exploration and confrontation. Bring on the classic nemeses: the Romulans, the Cardassians, and yes, even the Klingons.

Now that we've established the when of the matter, let's talk about who.

The idea of seeing some junior officers, perhaps not even on the Federation flagship, holds some definite potential. Part of the legacy of Star Trek (and most sci-fi TV) is the 'Fairy-tale Syndrome'. Let me explain. Think of any fairy tale that comes to mind, even the animated ones. What do all the main characters have in common? They are all intimately connected with royalty. Cinderella finds her handsome prince. Aladdin finds his princess. Simba is denied his right as king of the pride. Anastasia finds out she's not just a peasant girl but the last surviving member of the Romanov family. And so on. The common folks are typically relegated to supporting roles, if they're seen at all.

So it is with Trek. Consider the Enterprise-D. Think of anyone who could be considered a 'main character', a recurring character whose actions have lasting effects on the ship and/or her crew. I come up with the following: Captain Picard, Riker, Data, Geordi, Dr. Crusher, Dr. Pulaski, Wesley, Troi, Worf, Yar, O' Brien, Barkley, Ro Laren, Guinan, and maybe Lwaxana Troi. Fifteen main characters in the series. The stated crew of the Enterprise is just over a thousand. 98% of the overall story involves less than 2% of the crew. And the majority of those people are command-level officers—the ship's royalty, if you will.

Are there any normal people in Starfleet? Of course there are. They're the ones wearing the red shirts. They're the ones who die in the first five minutes of the episode to show how serious the situation is. To wit, the away team beams down to a hostile alien planet: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, and Slobowski. Hmm, who do you think is not going to survive this mission?

Of course every ship has a captain and a command crew. But think about a modern aircraft carrier. The USS Ronald Reagan has a crew of about 6,000. How many of those folks interact with the captain on a daily basis? How many interact with anyone on the command staff? Probably very few. Maybe commanding officers are more accessible to their crews in the future, but I can still imagine a crewman going through an entire two-year stint in Starfleet and never once having dinner at the captain's table.

So let's see how the other half lives. And more importantly, let's focus on the characters themselves, rather than just their rank and/or position. Part of what I like about what I've read of Kurt Buseik's comics work is that he doesn't tell superhero stories. He tells stories about people who happen to be superheroes. To beat the same dead horse once again, the reason that Babylon 5 and Firefly were so good is because the stories were character-driven. So are the best trek episodes, like "City on the Edge of Forever", "The Inner Light", and "The Visitor".

I guess that's ultimately what it comes down to, for me: tell interesting stories involving characters I can care about, and I'll tune in every week.

Star Trek Next

Just about everyone I know believes Star Trek: Enterprise was the weakest of the Trek television shows. I don't know that I could conclusively argue one way or another, but Voyager strikes me as the weakest of the two. Both series had excellent episodes, but neither can compare with The Next Generation or Deep Space Nine (my clear favorite). Regardless of which incarnation was worse than the other, one thing is clear to this Trek fan: the franchise took a serious dive after DS9. And so I pose to my AoD colleagues and readers, if we have any, the task of reinvigorating the Star Trek franchise via a new television series. I don't know about anyone else, but I really miss good Star Trek. My idea follows.

Remember the The Next Generation episode, Lower Decks? Rather than follow the regular crew, the episode focused on the lives of four junior officers. This has to be one of my favorite Star Trek episodes of all time. There was something refreshing about a new perspective of a familiar landscape. Were someone to hand the future of the franchise over to me, I'd put together an entire series based on this concept. Each episode would follow the lives of four or five Next Generation era crew members as they go about their duties, get taken to task by superior officers, deal with various ship crises, and so forth. At first glance, I know this doesn't sound very exciting. Wait, there's more! I'd have the writers begin the creative process by outlining a traditional "shuttle craft in trouble," "confrontation with the Romulans," "rescue the doomed colony" storyline. From there, the writers would write the main plot, focusing on the junior officers, so that the viewers see the events unfold from a non-traditional perspective. One of the junior officers would be in Engineering, for example. We'd see the Chief Engineer, but always in the background. Viewers would hear the Chief Engineer talking with the Bridge about the impending core breach, but the action would center on our junior officer. In essence, I'd take traditional Trek and invert the filming process. To date, every series foregrounds the command staff and backgrounds everyone else. I'd foreground junior officers and background the command staff.

Taking this non-traditional approach to Trek does few things. First, it forces writers out of their comfort zone. Most fans complain that the Trek franchise has grown a bit stale--this breathes a bit of fresh air into the process. It also requires a new look at the production process. Can you imagine the challenge of shooting a scene that focuses one of the main characters so that the viewers can also see the Captain (who we never see behind the scenes or in a non-command capacity), communicating with threatening aliens? Second, a series written from this perspective would be affordable. With the focus on secondary characters (relatively unknown actors, perhaps?), we'd see far less of the action directly. We'd see some of it, of course, but far less. A more affordable program could be marketed to a non-major network (hello, SciFi!). As UPN recently merged with WB, I doubt the Star Trek franchise would find a home there. Viacom/Paramount/CBS/Whoever (major reorganizing has gone on within Viacom/Paramount/CBS recently--I'm not sure who retains the rights to ST) could go back to the syndication model, which seemed to work for TNG and DS9.

So, there's my idea. It's not so much a radical revisioning of the ST franchise, but a reconceptualization or refocusing.

The Results are In

STK gets . . .

Your results:
You are Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)

Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 90% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 80% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 65% Wash (Ship Pilot) 60% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 55% River (Stowaway) 55% Inara Serra (Companion) 50% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 45% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 45% Alliance 45% A Reaver (Cannibal) 15%

Dependable and trustworthy. You love your significant other and you are a tough cookie when in a conflict.

Click here to take the "Which Serenity character am I?" quiz...

Kathleen's Turn

Nancy took the test, with similarly humorous results....

Your results:
You are Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)

Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 75% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 70% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 70% Inara Serra (Companion) 70% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 65% Wash (Ship Pilot) 65% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 65% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 45% Alliance 45% River (Stowaway) 40% A Reaver (Cannibal) 20%

You are good at fixing things. You are usually cheerful. You appreciate being treated with delicacy and specialness.

Click here to take the "Which Serenity character am I?" quiz...

Seriously?

Your results:
You are Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)

Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 75% Wash (Ship Pilot) 70% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 65% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 65% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 60% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 55% Inara Serra (Companion) 45% Alliance 45% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 35% River (Stowaway) 35% A Reaver (Cannibal) 15%

Medicine and physical healing are your game, but wooing women isn't a strong suit.

Click here to take the Serenity Personality Quiz


I appear not to be 'command material'. So much for the sweep.

Of course, I think Simon has one of the best bits in the whole series (along with his sister):

Simon: You're in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are you'll be under my knife again. Often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly: No matter what you do or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us, I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe... because I'm your medic. No matter how little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies—and more than enough of both. We could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. Now I don't care what you've done, and I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. Because I don't see this working any other way.
[exits]

River: Also, I can kill you with my brain.

Classic.

Ditto

I figured I'd end up with Simon, but I think the married question bumped me to Zoe. I can live with that.

Your results:
You are Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)

Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 90% River (Stowaway) 85% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 85% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 80% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 75% Wash (Ship Pilot) 75% Inara Serra (Companion) 45% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 40% Alliance 30% A Reaver (Cannibal) 30% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 25%

Dependable and trustworthy. You love your significant other and you are a tough cookie when in a conflict.

Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test

The Return of Gwen Stacy

While the event was a little before the start of my serious comic reading time, the death of Gwen Stacy has always stood, at least to me, as one of the most significant deaths of comic book history. Unlike the deaths of numerous comic book heroes, heroines, and supporting cast members, Gwen Stacy remains dead. Until now! It appears Sam Raimi is bringing her back in Spider-man 3. The Perfessor, over at Cuppacafe, offers his thoughts.

I never fully bought the then-given "official" reasons for her death, and I mark her death as a seminal point in my young life, for to me, at that point in time, she was a real to me as anyone both inside and outside of fiction, and I honestly believe that her death had a profound effect on me even to this day.

Give the whole piece a read; it's a good one.

Go Figure

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 80% Spider-Man 75% The Flash 65% Wonder Woman 60% Supergirl 60% Hulk 60% Catwoman 55% Superman 55% Robin 47% Iron Man 45% Batman 20%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Webhead

I haven't posted anything here for a while, and this seemed appropriate.

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 90% Hulk 80% Superman 60% Green Lantern 60% Robin 60% Supergirl 45% Batman 45% The Flash 40% Iron Man 40% Wonder Woman 30% Catwoman 30%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Good News . . .

And it has nothing to do with my car insurance. Several Sci Fi type announcements have my interest piqued.

Kyle Rayner: Ion. In the upcoming year, my favorite Green Lantern returns in his own series. Woohoo! Will a retain his affiliation with the GLC? Unknown. To honest, I don't really care. I developed an affinity for the character, one not shared by about half of GL fandom, and can't wait to see Kyle back in his own title.

The Sci Fi Channel picked Battlestar Galactica for two additional seasons. That's excellent news for those of us who think BG is the best television show on the air presently. NBC Universal also asked Moore to develop a couple new science fictionish properties. Let's hope they're not stretching him too thin.

Finally, Sideshow Collectibles plans to release a new Iron Man comiquette (what's the difference between a maquette and comiquette?). Behold!

Holy Guacamole! That's a terrific looking piece. The $250 price tag is a bit rich for this comic fan, but it's nice to dream.

Villainy Most Foul

I found this story the other day, and thought regular readers might like to take a look and comment:

Top Ten Villainous Moments: Our list of the most deliciously evil events in comics.

It's a little sad just how few of these I've actually read: only #9, #6, and #5.

But Wait, There's More...

Ten More Really Awful Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction

10. Being eaten by a grue.

9. Being impaled during mass...and you're the one conducting the service.

8. Having your magical essence drained away by being hung upside down and skinned alive.

7. Walking onto the bridge of a captured ship just in time to hear the computer say, "Seven ... six ... five ..."

6. Having your head teleported away from your body.

5. Death due to rapid aging brought on by a poor choice in stemware.

4. That Spanish brat you taught a lesson to all those years ago finally catches up with you.

3. Being dragged down to the underworld after the woman you've spent the last three thousand years trying to resurrect abandons you.

2. Being eaten by dung beetles after abandoning the man who's spent the last three thousand years trying to resurrect you.

1. Being sucked into a jet engine because you've ignored Edna's first rule of costume design: NO CAPES!

Even More Ways to Go

Mike came up with a doozy of a list this time, eh? Gotta love that dark sense of humor. As I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm not into dark humor, I have a few "ways to die" I'd like to add to the list.

The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction

10) Having a witch, mad with the power of Chaos magic, wish you into non-existence.*

9) Being eaten by a Rancor.

8) Activating a radio to God and having your face melted off.

7) Pickled by toxic waste, your entire body splats on the windshield of a fast moving vehicle.

6) You survive several years as the Chief Engineer on a starship, only to have your life snuffed out in the lamest. series. finale. ever.

5) A bug in your brain, a phaser in your hand. Do the math.

4) Finally free of your human captors, your internal battery runs out of power. Time to die.

3) Called into existence as a sperm whale, your first few moments of life include striking the ground at terminal velocity.

2) Standing in the gateway to Hell, your soul finally restored to your body, your girlfriend slides a sword into your belly.

1) Seconds away from destroying the Rebel Alliance forever, it dawns on you that you forgot to close the thermal exhaust port.

*Not only is this a terrible way to die, it's even worse when the execution is lame, lame, lame.

What A Way To Go

I was watching the end of The Wizard of Oz the other night, and I saw the famous "I'm melting!" scene. And it made me think, "What a crappy way to go." But there are worse, I suppose.

The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction

10. Being turned into a cardboard dodecahedron, then squished.

9. Having an alien embryo burst out of your chest. (It's even worse if the alien then produces a top hat and cane and tap dances away.)

8. Committing suicide on the moon because you realize you can never hope to control the awesome power you have, only to come back and then die again numerous times over the next thirty years.

7. Being beaten to death by Doomsday as a publicity stunt.

6. Having your head put on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price.

5. Having your soul sucked out through your mouth.

4. Being Force-choked by a Sith Lord while watching him talk to the poor sap who's about to get your job.

3. Being blasted by a Cardassian possessed by a Pagh Wraith.

2. Landing your spaceship safely under impossible conditions, only to be impaled seconds later when a huge spear crashes through your windshield.

1. Finally recovering something precious to you after losing it decades earlier, only to lose your balance at the moment of triumph and fall into a lava pit.

So, did I miss any?

Late but Fantastic

Okay, I'm behind the times, but I just saw Fantastic Four last weekend. I will say just one thing:

Michael Chiklis was the perfect choice to play Ben Grimm.

Can't wait for the sequel(s)!

One Thing Leads to Another

We're all aware of the recent movie "Doom" based on the ground-breaking video game. Yes, it appears to be awful and no, I have no plans to see it. But I found out something interesting about it.

As those who have played the game know, two of the more interesting weapons available are a shotgun and a chainsaw. According to IMDb.com, the decision to include these two weapons was based on "Army of Darkness" and the rest of the "Evil Dead" series.

So what we have, in the end, is a movie based on a video game based on a movie.

New ideas, anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Look Who's Coming to Dinner

If you haven't been keeping track of recent events in the Marvel comics universe, the House of M miniseries (which I haven't been reading--I've had it with the x-men mega events) is about to drastically change the mutant landscape. Rumor has it that the estimated 16 million mutants in the Marvel universe will be culled to somewhere between 200-300. Despite the silliness of the entire affiar, one good thing appears to be coming out of the House of M mess.

That's right, Excalibur is returning as a monthly series and Chris Claremont is heading up the reconceptualization of the team. I'll be calling the comic shop to add this to my hold file.

Kneel, er, Vote Before Zod

Looks like the 2008 Presidential elections just got a lot more interesting:

General Zod 2008

Given our recent discussion of Nicolas Cage and his new child, Kal-El, I found the following picture/caption particularly funny.


The future President and his staff react noticeably as Ed Randall, campaign worker, pronounces the the name of Nicolas Cage's heathen child. (AP/Boston Globe)

Meditations on the New Mutants

In the wake of the previous article, Doug Ramsey: Reloaded, I've been thinking about the New Mutants. I always liked the idea of an 'X-Men junior varsity' team. I wondered what it would be like to have superpowers when I was a teenager.^* True, the stories weren't quite as good as what the X-Men got, and the artwork was absolutely atrocious sometimes. But I still really liked the team. Here are my thoughts on them.

Cannonball
Sam Guthrie was always my favorite member of the team. He was tall and a little clumsy, bright but socially awkward, and hung up on a girl who didn't even know he existed. He also had a strong sense of what was right and wrong and always wanted to do the right thing, even if he wasn't always sure what that was. I found a lot in him that I could relate to. And his graduation costume rocked!

Mirage
Dani's personality made her a fine complement to Sam as a team leader. Her 'I hate all white men' thing was a little clichéd and annoying, but fortunately it didn't peek out too often. The development of her powers was sometimes a little incoherent, though. Being able to show someone their deepest desires or fears is pretty cool—but what does it have to do with communicating with animals? The ability to create objects from thin air was a fairly logical development of her power, which I liked. But the Valkyrie thing made no sense to me. It seemed like the writers never knew what to do with her. They should have spent more time developing her personality, not her powers.

Karma
I thought Shan had a lot of potential, but any time she was on stage, her personality—like her mutant power—was just a little too one-dimensional. Too bad.

Wolfsbane
I also found some things to relate to in Rhane, and she did show some growth as the series progressed. But I think the writers put way too much emphasis on the internal conflicts and angst caused by her religion. Why is the media so quick to portray anyone with strong religious beliefs as either a prude, a fanatic, or just plain unbalanced? We're not all freaks....

Sunspot
One of the few bricks in comics that didn't also have exceptional defenses. Strong and powerful, yet also strangely vulnerable—which is also a pretty good description of his personality. His bravado at times seemed like a cover for deep insecurities he may not have even realized he had. And of course there was his hot temper. Every team needs an irritant, and Roberto made for a good one.

Magik
Every team also needs a bad@ss, and she was it. Illyana was just not to be screwed with, especially if you relied on any kind of mystical forces to keep you in the fight. I think even her brother was afraid of her—and he was seven and a half feet tall and made of steel.

Magma
While Amara's powers and personality were interesting enough, what I really liked about her was her history. The idea of a Roman colony lost deep in the South American jungle for centuries was a nice touch. Too bad the writers decided to retconn it and make it a hidden mutant colony instead. Lousy rewrites!

Warlock
I guess teams also need a 'fish out of water' character from time to time, and I suppose Warlock was as good a fit as any for this team. He did provide for a few interesting story lines, but usually only because of being pursued by his father, the Magus. Other than that, I never really felt that he fit in with the rest of the team. And having him run off with Sunspot and leave Doug (Cypher) behind in the "Fallen Angels" miniseries was just stupid.

Cypher
In retrospect, I can see that Cypher was just a waste of a good character concept. See the previous article for details. He had a lot of potential for growth and development in his own right, but was usually relegated to the roles of DNPC for the rest of the team, or someone for Colossus to get jealous over (because of all the time Kitty spent with him). The one really decent story involving him was the time he combined with Warlock to defeat the Magus—by rewriting Magus' DNA. That was seriously cool, and worthy of any true science geek (even a linguist).

Wow, it's kind of fun to think about characters from so long ago. Maybe I'll take a look at another superteam soon. Alpha Flight, maybe. That team really put the 'dis' in 'dysfunctional'. Suggestions, anyone?

--
^*Heck, sometimes I still do.

Doug Ramsey: Reloaded

I found this article through Fark.com about the Top 10 obscure comic-book characters that should be brought to the big screen. Some of IGN's nominees included Animal Man, the Question, the Flaming Carrot, and the spectacular Spider-Ham. And one of the nominees was someone with whom I was actually familiar: Cypher.

Yes, that Cypher. Doug Ramsey of the New Mutants. And my initial reaction was, "You've got to be kidding. Cypher? That guy's as useless as a chocolate teapot. Even dying didn't make him interesting."

And then I read their proposed story:

"Mutants live in a world that fears and hates them, but truth-be-told, if Doug Ramsey existed in our world, he'd be one rich man. Cypher has the ability to instantly understand and communicate in any language, even binary. Rather than your typical X-Men flick, Cypher would actually be an incredibly successful intelligence agent, who happens to house the deep, dark secret that he's a mutant. A Cypher flick could prove to be the rare superhero thriller."

And I thought, that's one decent story idea.

Which is exactly one more decent story idea than the geniuses at Marvel ever came up with for the character.

Science Fiction and Fantasy as Equipment for Living

Since Mike posted some ideas for my potential class here at Army of Dorkness, I thought I'd add a follow up. After several hours of writing and rewriting, I think I've developed a suitable course description. Check it out.

This course explores the ways in which science fiction and fantasy media (film and television) contributes to an understanding of contemporary human life. Embracing the futuristic, the magical, and the spectacular, mediated forms of science fiction and fantasy invite viewers to enter a public dialogue concerning issues of science, ethics, art, and religion. Throughout the semester, students will examine the ways in which mediated artifacts assist in the constitution and negotiation of human aspirations and apprehensions.

I've also developed a working title.

Rocket ships, Replicants, and Ringwraiths: Science Fiction and Fantasy as Equipment for Living

I'm open to suggestions for the title. The only requirement is that the second half of the title--Science Fiction and Fantasy as Equipment for Living--has to stay the same. I'm using a couple articles that talk about media as "Equipment for Living" as the foundation for the course (mad props to Marsha for reminding me of the piece). With that in mind, I also had a couple other potential titles.

Metahumans, Magicians, and Monsters from the ID
Starships, Simulacrum, and Sorcerers
Hyperspace, Hellmouths, and Hobbits

The more I think about it, the more I like the 3rd postential title. It's vague enough that it captures the spirit of science fiction/fantasy and specific enough that it reveals some of the films/programs that we'll watch.

Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Society

Over at Rhetorical Imprints, Derek talked about teaching a class that explores the way science fiction and fantasy have addressed important social issues. I think this is an excellent choice. In my mind, one of the defining characteristics of "real" science fiction has always been that it provides a lens through which to look at important social issues, especially those dealing with technology. While modern sci-fi and fantasy cinema may not have this goal in mind, they still provide occasional thought-provoking moments.

Derek listed several movies and their relevant issues, then asked for additional suggestions. Here are mine:

X-Men, X2: X-Men United
Marvel Comics' X-titles have always been an allegory for racism (except in the 90s, when the X-titles were about Wolverine's bad temper and superheroines drawn to look like Dolly Parton in zero gravity). These two films carry the issue of race over to the screen quite well. There are other issues of being different from what is accepted in society as well. For example, the "Have you tried not being a mutant?" line from X2 is a clear reference to sexuality.

A Series of Unfortunate Events, Matilda
Both movies feature exceptional children who are abused and/or neglected by their parents or guardians. What obligations do parents have toward their children? To what degree are children responsible for obeying parents who don't love and take care of them? When does the state become responsible for removing children from abusive situations? And what kind of a difference can a single role model (a teacher, for example) make in the life of a child?

Hercules
Most of the recent Disney animated films can be viewed as morality plays in miniature, in my humble opinion. This one serves as a mirror for fame in popular culture. How does our society define heroism? At what point does a person go from being merely famous (or notorious) to being truly heroic?

The Incredibles
I can see at least two issues addressed by this movie. First, what balance exists between the push for equality and the drive for individual excellence? (Dash: "Dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of. Our powers made us special." Helen: "Everyone's special, Dash." Dash: "That's just another way of saying no one is.") Second, what is (or should be) the role of the family in today's society? What is the balance between devotion to family, personal development, and professional success?

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Star Trek tends to get a little preachy sometimes, and this movie is certainly the preachiest. But it raises important issues about humanity and the ecosystem. What obligations does humanity have towards other forms of life on Earth? And how can economic concerns and ecological concerns be balanced?

Bicentennial Man, Artificial Intelligence: AI
The book "I, Robot" raised important questions about the relationship between Man and machine. Most of the reviews I read indicated that these were left out of the film. If "I, Robot" had been more like these two movies, I may have bothered to see it. Okay, enough ranting, on to the questions. As computers become increasingly complex, at what point do they begin taking on organic features? What is the difference between computation and sentience?

The Running Man
I've even got a prospective title for a paper on this one: "Reality Television and the Culture of Voyeurism". If you've watched any reality TV lately, I think you'll agree that we're not all that far away....

Okay, that's what I've got. Comments?

Avengers Assemble!

Okay, I've been MIA for a while. Moving, getting ready for school, parenting, and all that. However, I've been mulling over the Reassembling the Avengers thought for quite some time. I'll stick with the popular seven member line-up. Here goes.

Captain America. Technically, he's not a founding member. That said, can anyone imagine the Avengers without Cap? Captain America is the Avengers.

Iron Man. He's my favorite Marvel superhero; he had to make the list. He provides moderate muscle, air support, ranged attacks, and electronic expertise.

She-Hulk. While her cousing is unpredictable, Jennifer has remained a stable member of the Avengers for years. She provides plenty of muscle, physical and legal, in times of crisis.

Clea, Sorceress Supreme of the Dark Dimension. For a team that faces Earth-threatening crises of every shape and form, the Avengers have always lacked a master of the magical arts. Rather than go with Dr Strange, the all too obvious choice, I've opted for Clea. Her unique position as leader of the Dark Dimension could provide for some interesting plots.

The Black Knight. Dane Whitman has always been woefully underused as an Avenger. Since the Ebony Blade curse has been lifted and the blade lost, Whitman now employs the Shield of Night (capable of absorbing almost any energy) and the Sword of Light (through which the Black Knight returns the absorbed energy). I also have a soft spot for Arthurian legend and Dane's Lady of the Lake connection appeals to me. His scientific abilities are nothing to laugh at, either.

The Vision. From intangible to dense as a diamond, the synthezoid Avenger is the Pinocchio archetype. He longs to be human, but knows he'll always be an outsider. His convoluted background, relationship to Ultron, and tragic life (they guys been torn apart and reassembled how many times and continues to be faithful to the Avengers), make him a must. If nothing else, the guy needs a chance to redeem himself after the Avengers Disassembled storyline. Talk about character assasination.

Quasar. Hey, the Avengers really need a cosmic level Avenger and who better to fill that slot than quantum band wearing Wendell Vaughn.

There were several Avengers to whom I gave serious consideration and ultimately discarded from my list. Thor, Jocasta, Dazzler, Moon Knight, War Machine (James Rhodes replacing the Tony Stark Iron Man on my list), Nova, Professor Hulk (the Hulk with Banner's intellect), and Falcon were among the many considered.

A couple characters that didn't receive one second of consideration.

Wonder Man. Worst. Character. Ever.
Hank Pym. Nothing more than an Ultron magnet. Ultron is a cool villain, but do the Avengers really want him showing up every 12 issues or so? Relegate Pym to the sidelines and save yourself the trouble. Sheesh.
Triathlon. Second. Worst. Character. Ever.
USAgent. Had a cool costume during Force Works, but boy was that guy annoying. Can you say Psycho?
The Scarlet Witch. Bendis has absolutely ruined that character for me. Here's hoping the House of M puts Wanda out of our misery.

Assembling The Avengers

Okay, I'm finally responding to Curtis' challenge below. Let me warn everyone about something, though: I haven't read comics regularly for more than a dozen years. The fact is, I had to dig out my old comics and do some serious research to pull this off at all. So if my team seems a little out-of-date, that's why. Okay, here we go.

Captain America
Cap has always been, and will always be, the heart and soul of the Avengers—all the recent 'Wolverine/changing times/samurai warrior' crap notwithstanding. Without Captain America, there is no 'Avengers'. Period.

Iron Man
If Cap is the heart, then Iron Man is the brains of the Avengers. Not to mention the wallet. But Tony Stark's contributions to the team are far greater than just his seemingly limitless personal fortune. His technical prowess and his ability to deal with even the most monolithic bureaucracies on their own terms make him invaluable to the team.

Hawkeye
Even taking into account Iron Man's superior experience and intellect, Hawkeye is the perfect choice to be Captain America's second in command. He is the classic combination of business and banter, and he almost never misses. He helps keep Cap from getting too serious and maudlin while still getting the job done. And it helps for Cap to know he's not always right.

Binary
True, Carol Danvers was a member of the Avengers for a time. But that was in her previous life (i.e., before she lost her powers and personality to Rogue). As Binary, she has both the temperament and the power level to run with Earth's mightiest heroes.

Stingray
Having a second super-suit on the team may seem redundant, but Stingray would make an extremely valuable team member. First, he's more a pure scientist than Tony, so his perspective would be very helpful. And second, approximately three-quarters of the Earth's surface is covered with water. It would be nice to have someone on the team who's at home under the waves.

Phoenix
(No, not Jean Grey. She's dead. Say it with me: Jean is dead.)
It's no secret that the X-Men produce enough telepaths to export one to every significant superteam on the planet. So why not the Avengers? I think Rachel Summers would make a good addition to this team. She's certainly powerful enough to fit in with this group, and she's got a lifetime's motivation to be heroic.

Valkyrie
Cap, Iron Man, and Hawkeye are long-time avengers, and Carol Danvers and Stingray have associated with the team before. So I thought that bringing in Thor would probably violate the 'new' aspect of this exercise. And I had another thought: if not Thor, then why not another Asgardian? Valkyrie is certainly competent enough as a warrior. Plus, if (when) the writers ever decide to do another stupid "let's kill off one (or more) of the characters" storyline, Val provides a perfectly reasonable way to bring them back later!

Yellowjacket
(No, not Hank Pym. He's already been in the Avengers, what, nineteen different times under five different identities? That's enough.)
After her stint with the Masters of Evil, I seem to recall that Rita DeMara started showing signs of genuine remorse. What better way to serve her penance than in the service of the team she'd wronged? It's not like the Avengers haven't taken in reformed (or even reforming) criminals before.

Okay, that's my suggested roster. Comments?

Black Hats, Vol. 3

Okay, I finally got around to offering my picks for the best of the baddies.

Movies
Best Villain. Flash Gordon's arch-nemesis, Ming the Merciless. The guy watched his own daughter being tortured with bore worms. ick.
Best Villain Group. The Kryptonian criminals from Superman II: Ursa, Non, and General "Kneel Before Me" Zod.
Best Villain Organization. The Galactic Empire. This organization demands subservience by all it's members. Act up a bit and you'll find your planet blown to smithereens.

Television
Best Villain. Lionel Luther from Smallville. What a magnificent bastard.
Best Villain Group. The Legion of Doom. I loved them on the old Superfriends show. The good news is that The Legion of Doom is being resurrected for Justice League Unlimited. w00t.
Best Villain Organization. The new Cylons. Ruthless, relentless, and devious. Their ability to infiltrate the Fleet in the guise of humans adds a new level of tension to the retelling of the Galactic narrative.

Print
Best Villain. I've always been rather fond of Ultron. Virtually indestructable, he keeps going, and going, and going. What version of Ultron are we on now, 10?
Best Villain Group. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Not the original Magneto, Toad, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch group, but the Mystique, Destiny, Pyro, Avalanche, Blob, Rogue incarnation of the 1980s. While talking a few nights back, Mike and I recalled the way in which the Brotherhood slammed Colussus. Pyro heated his organic osmium skin to white hot temperatures and Avalanche smashed him with a tanker full of liquid nitrogen. Ouch.
Best Villain Organization. Advanced Ideas Mechanics. They created Modok, for crying out loud!

RPG
Best Villain. Mike's Juggernaut clone, Earthmover. I hated that guy.
Best Villain Group. Power Syndicate - Fastback, Hummel, Chuck and Airstrike. Like Mike and Curtis before me, this group proved to be a major pain.
Best Villain Organization. Genocide. The mutant hating organization still makes my blood pressure rise.

Why I Read What I Read

This quote comes comliments of Curtis:

"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
-C.S. Lewis

Farewell, Miracle Worker.

James Doohan passed away today. Godspeed, Scotty.

Black Hats

Okay, here's another one of these reader-participation posts of which I am so fond. I invite not only my fellow collaborators to participate, but also any guest(s) that may stumble upon it.

Today's topic is villains. That's right, the bad guys. The enemy. The blokes in the black hats. And I'd like to hear who your favorites are.

Here's the recommended format: please provide your nominee for Best Villain (individual), Best Villain Group (small group), and Best Villainous Organization (large group). And to make it interesting, please provide nominees in each of the following four categories: Movies, Television, Print (i.e., books or comics), and Roleplaying (personal experience, if applicable).

As with previous discussions of this ilk, please give details. I look forward to what you have to say. I'm going to break tradition this time, however, and post my answers first.

Movies
Best Villain: Darth Vader
Vader gets the nod for sheer presence. Just having him around creates terror not only in his enemies, but also in his underlings. Two minutes of screen time is all it takes to know that Vader is someone not to be screwed with.
Best Villain Group: The crew of the Black Pearl(Pirates of the Caribbean)
Although they're not the brightest bunch, they're greedy, singleminded, vicious, and in general just plain nasty. And then you find out that they're also undead.
Best Villainous Organization: Nazis
The original Stormtroopers. Whether they're chasing Indiana Jones or trying to keep Allied POWs from making a Great Escape, you can't help but love to see them fail. Indy said it best: "Nazis. I hate these guys."

Television
Best Villain: Alfred Bester (Babylon 5)
He's arrogant, devious, smug, ruthless, and unfortunately, just about untouchable. You just want to smack him on sight. He's no Pavel Chekov, that's for sure.
Best Villain Group: The Hive: Brother Blood, Gizmo, Jinx, Mammoth, et. al. (Teen Titans)
It's not just that they're villains...they're also teenagers.
Best Villainous Organization: The Borg
Although their villainy was diluted quite as bit by Voyager, make no mistake. These folks are not someone you want to meet in a dark nebula. You can't negotiate with them, you can't drive them off, and you can't hold them back. You can only hope to destroy them - before they do the same to you.

Print
Best Villain: Magneto
It's not just that Magneto is obnoxiously powerful, although he certainly is that. What makes him truly dangerous that he's suave and sophisticated, and extremely persuasive. His arguments are almost enough to make you wonder if he really is the bad guy. Almost.
Best Villain Group: Slytherin House (Harry Potter)
Draco Malfoy tries to put himself across as brave and smart, but by the end of the first book you've learned that he's basically just a bully like his two lapdogs, Crabbe and Goyle. And as the series goes on, you come to find out that the rest of the house is no better. Nasty buggers, the lot of them, and racists to boot.
Best Villainous Organization: The Imperial Order (Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" series)
Violent, bloodthirsty, and rapacious, Emperor Jagang's army sweeps across whole kingdoms killing, looting, despoiling, and decimating anything and anyone in their path. But what makes them truly frightening is how much they enjoy it, relish it, savor it. They believe that they're fully justified in doing all of this, that their enemies ultimately deserve this treatment. It might not be so scary if there weren't so much of that sort of thing going on in the real world.

Roleplaying
Best Villain: Iconoclast
Derek threw this 100-foot monstrosity up against us one day, and we beat on him for most of a very long evening before we put him down. It was nasty. But even worse was that every so often, if we complained about a scenario, he'd say, "Or we could fight Iconoclast again...."
Best Villain Group: Fastback, Hummel, and 'Chuk
A SPD- and DEX-draining speedster, an armored brick, and a martial arts master, respectively. This team was Lawrence's master stroke of villainy. We'd cringe every time we saw them.
Best Villainous Organization: Tarot
This is Curtis' signature villain group with ~30 members plus agents and support staff. We hated fighting them because a) there were always a ton of them around and b) you could never tell exactly who would show up - or what they could do. One of my favorite role-playing experiences was when one of my characters underwent plastic and psychic surgery and infiltrated the group.

That's my contribution. Happy posting!

Movie Quotes

The American Film Institute recently released its list of the 100 Greatest Movie Quotes of All Time. I thought the fantasy and science fiction genres were quite underrepresented on the list, so I've put together one of my own. Enjoy.

Yoda: Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. (Return of the Jedi)

Han Solo: Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
Princess Leia: I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.
Han Solo: I can arrange that! (The Empire Strikes Back)

Yoda: No. Try not. Do...or do not. There is no try. (The Empire Strikes Back)

Everyone: I have a bad feeling about this.... (Star Wars I-VI)

Indiana: I don't know, I'm making this up as I go. (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

Professor Henry Jones: Well, I'm as human as the next man.
Indiana Jones: Dad, I *was* the next man. (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)

Alex Rogan: So...how many Starfighters are left?
Grig: Including you? One. (The Last Starfighter)

Gaff: It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does? (Blade Runner)

Roy Batty: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. (Blade Runner)

Ash: All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up! (Army of Darkness)

Jack Burton: Hey, I'm a reasonable guy. But I've just experienced some very unreasonable things. (Big Trouble in Little China)

Jack Burton: Now I'm not saying that I've been everywhere and I've done everything, but I do know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're alone in THIS universe. (Big Trouble in Little China)

Dr. Gillian Taylor: Don't tell me, you're from outer space.
Kirk: No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space. (Star Trek IV)

Fred Kwan: That was a hell of a thing. (Galaxy Quest)

Jack Sparrow: Anamaria.
[Anamaria slaps Jack]
Will Turner: I suppose, you didn't deserve that one either?
Jack Sparrow: No, that one I deserved. (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl)

Edna: No capes! (The Incredibles)

Julius Levinson: All you need is love. John Lennon said that. Smart man, shot in the back. Very sad. (Independence Day)

The Shoveller: We've got a blind date with Destiny - and it looks like she's ordered the lobster. (Mystery Men)

The Sphinx: You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums. (Mystery Men)

The Invisible Man: Well, hello to you, too. And need I remind you, I am naked in the snow. I can't feel any of my extremities. And I mean...any of them. (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen)

Wolverine: You actually go outside in these things?
Cyclops: Well, what would you prefer? Yellow spandex? (X-Men)

Wolverine: You're so full of $#!%. If you were really so righteous, it'd be you up in that thing, not her. (X-Men)

Professor X: My tolerance for your smoking in the mansion notwithstanding, if you continue to smoke in here, you'll spend the rest of your life believing you are a six year old girl.
Wolverine: You can do that?
Professor X: I'd have Jean braid your hair. (X2)

Bruce Banner: But you know what scares me the most? When I can't fight it anymore, when it takes over, when I totally lose control...I like it. (Hulk)

Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live. (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

Dumbledore: And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death. (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

Esteban: A little clumsy, are you not, my friend?
Zorro: To be your friend I would have to be more than clumsy. I would have to be stupid. (Zorro, the Gay Blade)

Westley: This is true love - you think this happens every day? (The Princess Bride)

Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while. (The Princess Bride)

Video Fun

We have an independent video shop (i.e., not Blockbuster or Hollywood Video) down the street from my house. They have a marquee board out front that you can see from the street. On one side they advertise monthly specials and that sort of thing. On the other side, they offer free rentals based on your name: "Free rental if your name is Tony" and that sort of thing.

Well, they've had a couple of good ones recently. About a month ago, they had this one:
"Free rental if your name is Luke or Leah".

Then, a couple of weeks ago it read:
"Free rental if your name is Bruce or Wayne".

I thought this was pretty funny, and I hope they continue the trend. I hope to see one like this soon:
"Free rental if your name is Reed or Richard".

Or maybe:
"Free rental if your name is Ben, Sue, or Johnny".

Local businesses are fantastic!

Comic Update

Like Curtis, I’ve become increasingly dismayed with the quality of what passes as recent comic book fare. Of the comics I read regularly, there are few that evoke much in the way of excitement. Here’s my current reading list and a few thoughts.

Marvel Comics
I’m not sure what’s going on at Marvel, but most of the titles I read are pure drivel.

Avengers. Curtis summed this up nicely. The new Avengers have very little appeal. Bring back the old guard. Leave Wolverine in the X-titles, please.

Iron Man. Since the relaunch almost a year ago, only three issues have been published. The truth of the matter is that nobody really knows when the next issue will be released. A regular monthly title that publishes every two, three or four months has definite problems. Oh, and the storyline is mediocre at best. Don’t even get me started on Orson Scott Card’s Ultimate Iron Man. Absolute crap.

Thunderbolts. A decent title. I like the whole supervillains searching for redemption theme of this book. Taking second string players--e.g. Radioactive Man, The Beetle, SpeedDemon, Blizzard, Atlas--and breathing life into their stale characterizations works for me. It also helps that Kurt Busiek, one of my favorite comic writers, is involved with this title.

The Young Avengers. The YA show some promise. Let’s hope the Marvel powers-that-be don’t screw it up.

DC Comics
While I’m generally more pleased with my DC titles, I’m still not thrilled.

Green Lantern. What can I say about what was once my favorite title? Not a whole lot, I’m afraid. Unlike Curtis, I’m not thrilled with the return of Hal Jordan. In fact, I think Hal’s return is indicative of the unimaginative state of comic book writing. Yet another fallen hero back from the dead? ::sighs:: Been there, done that. I loved reading the Silver Age adventures of Hal Jordan. I also liked his fall from grace during Emerald Twilight. Real heroes are flawed individuals; they make mistakes, sometimes tragic ones. Hal’s return is nothing more than a big cop out, a do over. As a long-time GL fan, I’ll continue to read the comic but find myself ambivalent about the current direction. I’m far more excited about Green Lantern Corps: Recharge, which features Kyle Rayner, Guy Gardner, and Kilowog, then the flagship title.

JLA. The recent Crime Syndicate story arc was very mediocre. The cross universe storylines don’t do much for me.

JSA. I’ve been indifferent toward this title for several months. The only reason I continue to read it is Alan Scott, the original Green Lantern. If you aren’t intimately familiar with the long and storied history of the Justice Society of America, a group that’s been around since the 1940s, you’ll miss much of what’s going on. Sadly, I’m not up-to-date on the 60 year history of this group. Still, there's enough good writing to maintain my interest.

The Outsiders. The current battle with Brainiac/Lex Luthor plot is good, traditional comic fare.

Teen Titans. Always fun. The Dr. Light story arc was terrific. I’ve always liked the whole superkids in training gig (the original New Mutants was one of my favorite comics). Rob Liefeld is doing the art for a couple upcoming issues. As one message board poster stated: it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues.

Dark Horse
All the Star Wars comics remain some of my most anticipated reads of the month. I’m looking forward to the post-Revenge of the Sith stories in Star Wars: Republic.

Destiny—It's What You Make Of It

Opportunity, resources, and mood finally converged this afternoon. After nearly a month of encouragement from practically everyone I know, I finally made my way to the theater and saw Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Here is the obligatory blog entry.

Regular readers of this forum and of my personal blog have seen me say some unkind things about The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, mostly concerning the writing and the dialogue. The current movie is not entirely free of such issues; this is generally known. My biggest problem with the first two episodes, however, had to do with the storytelling.

I went into these first two movies hoping to see a story about a good man and a great warrior who falls from grace. I didn't get that. In E1, Anakin was just this kid with big dreams, a few unusual talents, and a hangup for a girl that was clearly out of his league, but not much else. In E2, he had become neither a good man nor a great warrior, but a defiant, spoiled teenager who thought he was smarter than everyone else. Based on these experiences, it was no surprise to me that he became Darth Vader. There was no fall, per se, because he had never attained a lofty place from which to fall.

Revenge of the Sith changed that for me. It gave me a reason to care about Anakin. It gave me a reason to sympathize with him and to feel sorry for what he ultimately became. It made his fall a tragedy rather than an inevitability.

It short, it did for me what I had hoped the first two episodes would do.

To me, this movie is about choices. Anakin finds himself in some very difficult situations, most of which are ultimately of his own making. He has several key decisions to make—and in almost every case, he makes the worst possible choice. Of course, he has help. Emperor Palpatine is at his elbow in almost every moment of decision, giving encouragement that leads him carefully down the road to the Dark Side.

The biggest problem Anakin faces is that he keeps falling victim to Wizard's First Rule: People will believe any lie if they want it to be true, or if they're afraid that it might be true. Palpatine knows just which lies to tell, and his timing is impeccable. That's not surprising; he's been subtly moving Anakin in this direction for years. And this brings up another concept, that of the incremental lie. It's hard to get most people to swallow a big lie all at once, but if you start with smaller lies and work your way up, it becomes almost frighteningly easy.

Each of Palpatine's lies leads Anakin into a choice that binds him more closely to his erstwhile master. Still, I could see—and wanted to see—a way out for him. And then came the confrontation between Palpatine and Mace Windu. The choice was unambiguous, as simply drawn as possible. Sith or Jedi. From the moment that Anakin chose to side with Darth Sidious, knowing full well what he was, his destiny was sealed. There was no going back.

Babylon 5 creator J. Michael Straczynski is fond of saying, "The monster never sees a monster in the mirror." In his confused state, Anakin sincerely felt that he was doing what was right, what was best—for the Republic, for Padmé, and for the Chancellor, but ultimately for himself. Only when he's lost everything does he realize the state he's placed himself in. He sees what his choices have led him to, and there's nothing he can do about it. And I felt sorry for him.

This was what I was hoping for from this movie. Let it be known that henceforth, I will complain no more about the shortcomings of the Star Wars franchise. I am content.

Kiddie Books

Over the past weekend, I saw Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. While I haven't read any of the books, I enjoyed the movie, as did my two young (11 and 5) nieces. The eleven-year-old has already read the first three books in the series—approximately what is covered in the movie. My mother, a newly-retired middle school teacher, has also read some of them, mostly because she's seen some of her students reading them. This made me think about some of the books I'd read when I was young(er), and some of the books I'd like my kids (if any) to read one day.

I should state at the outset that it is entirely possible—probable, even—that my kids will grow up to be geeks. Like their father. Don't get me wrong, I'm not intending to dictate to them everything they'll read, watch, listen to, etc. But I want them to be exposed to some of the finer and/or more esoteric things in life: Poe and Shakespeare and Douglas Adams and Beethoven and Hovhaness and Vangelis and the Beatles and Glenn Miller and Star Wars and Star Trek and Babylon 5 and chemistry sets and model rockets and plush bacteria and role playing games and all other manner of geeky things. If they grow up reading car magazines and listening to the flavor-of-the-week boy bands, it won't be because they don't know anything different.
(Okay, I'll step off my soapbox now.)

Anyway, here are some of the books (series of books, mostly) that I'd like my children to read some day.


The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
» The Hobbit
» The Fellowship of the Ring
» The Two Towers
» The Return of the King
I agree with the sentiments expressed by Peter Jackson and others. I hope that the recent success of the LOTR movies has helped to remove the stigma from Fantasy literature—moved it out of the 'kiddie pool' and into the realm of a legitimate literary form. But whether or not that actually happens, I will do my best to see that my children read these books. A working knowledge of LOTR is essential for any geek-to-be. Without it, one would not know why a Champions villain would be named Grond, or why prog-rock bands would give themselves names like Illuvatar and Marillion, or why describing Micro$oft with the phrase "One OS to rule them all" is funny.

The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
» Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
» Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
» Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
» Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
» Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
» Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
This series is wonderful. The writing is insightful and sometimes poignant. Harry goes through all those struggles we geeks—and teenagers in general—have had to go through ourselves. Alienation, disappointment, anger, loss, regret, achievement, friendship, pride, rivalry, awkwardness, infatuation, and puberty are all examined in the lives of Harry and his classmates, sometimes in painful detail. Despite the fantastic setting, every child (and adult) who reads these books will see elements of his or her own life in the lives of the characters. Maybe that's why they've sold so well.

The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
» The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
» Prince Caspian
» The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
» The Silver Chair
» The Horse and His Boy
» The Magician's Nephew
» The Last Battle
This series works well on two different levels. For younger, less experienced readers, these books tell stories about how the brave and good-hearted overcome the forces of evil, sometimes only with great difficulty. More mature readers will discover much more complexity. There are lessons on sacrifice, endurance, dedication, and faith. Metaphors for the divine abound—which, I suppose, is why Lewis wrote the series in the first place.

His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
» The Golden Compass
» The Subtle Knife
» The Amber Spyglass
Admittedly, this is for older, more advanced readers. The heroes of the books, Lyra and Will, are presented as 11 years old or so, but most children will probably need to be 3-5 years older than that to understand and appreciate the intricate and ever-evolving story of the series. Lyra and Will are much more complex than most characters in children's or adolescent fantasy. They have their flaws, but they are heroic and determined in the face of monumental trials and opposition. There are lessons for young and old alike about loyalty, dedication, optimism, and trust.

The Mancer Series by Don Callander
» Pyromancer
» Aquamancer
» Geomancer
» Aeromancer
This series is just fun to read. The writing and characterizations are not as complex or as well developed as most of the other books on this list, but they don't need to be. Douglas Brightglade, the most central character, originally applies for the position of magician's apprentice only as alternative to becoming a cook. He proves to have the necessary talents for magic, including a large Bump of Curiosity. With his master and their friends, they protect World from dangers great and small. He learns, among other things, that those with extraordinary talents have an obligation to get involved with their communities—not to lead or to rule, but to render the kind of assistance that only they can. That's a lesson I want my kids to learn.

Two books from Robin McKinley
» Beauty : A Retelling of the Story of Beauty and the Beast
» The Blue Sword
If I have any daughters, I will make certain they read these two books. Both feature strong female characters. Both tell coming-of-age stories, and both leading characters demonstrate remarkable wisdom, endurance, and compassion. And, lest we forget that this is fantasy, both women end up with a prince—but neither by virtue of having been rescued by him.

The Tennis Shoes Adventure Series by Chris Heimerdinger
» Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites
» Gadiantons and the Silver Sword
» The Feathered Serpent (Parts One and Two)
» The Sacred Quest
» The Lost Scrolls
» The Golden Crown
» Warriors of Cumorah
» The Tower of Thunder
This is a great translational fantasy series for Latter-day Saints (and others too, I suppose). It follows the story of a family over several decades and their adventures in the scriptural past. The storytelling is good, and the research behind the stories appears sound. The tone of the narrative is sincere—sometimes lighthearted and happy, sometimes grave yet hopeful, sometimes sarcastic. It's both entertaining and spiritual, and an easy read.

I'm sure there are others that I've forgotten. These should make for a good start, though. Now all I need are a few kids!

Starcraft Rules!

My name is Derek and I'm a computer gamer. Yes, I'll admit I typically spend around 10 hours a week, usually late at night, running around a virtual world eliminating the enemy. What probably makes me different than most computer gamers, however, is the limited number of games I actually play. I rarely play, for example, single player adventures. I load the game and go directly to online multiplayer mode. I also don't play any old game that comes around. I've never played Doom, Half-Life, Diablo, or Quake. When it comes to the Star Wars universe, I've played just about everything: Jedi Outcast, Jedi Academy, and Battlefronts stand out as my favorites (multiplayer, of course).

Despite my obession with virtual Star Wars reality, there's one game on which I've logged more hours than all other games combined: Starcraft. Years ago--we're talking the summer of 1998, I think--I was at the top of my game. My gaming partner and I, he always played Terran and I always played Protoss, competed in tournaments and managed to do quite well. Over time, the game lost some of its luster and eventually found its way to my Computer Software box.

This week, I dusted off Starcraft/Starcraft: Broodwars and gave it another play. You know something, this game is still damn fun to play! While I've been retuning my skills against the computer (I'm dreadfully slow), I know it's only a matter of time before I venture back to the Battlenet realm. There's nothing quite as satisfying as watching legions of fully upgraded zealots and dragoons march across Big Game Hunter, annihilating opposing Terran, Zerg, and Protoss forces. I've never been one to worry about the more technologically advanced units in the upper branches of the tech tree. Keep it simple, maintain an advantage in numbers, and overwhelm the enemy. A lightning reaver strike on the enemy's supply lines can prove devastating: no crystals or gas equals no new units. A strike behind enemy lines also proves effective for drawing forces away from perimeter defenses.

Tactics aside, the games still plays suprisingly well. Even after all these years, the biologically oriented Zerg still creep me out a little. Yuck.

Where Does He Get Those Wonderful Toys?

Good choices, all. Now here are mine.

Best Ship (large)
Winner: Enterprise NCC-1707-D (ST:TNG)
This baby's got it all: speed, power, excellent recreational facilities, and the best tech in the fleet. Whether you're stopping a Borg invasion or boldly going where no one has gone before, this is the way to go.
Runner Up: Heart of Gold (Hitchhiker's Guide)
If you can do the math, this ship can do anything, including making a really great cup of tea (eventually).

Best Ship (small)
Winner: Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)
She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts. And it's the only ship to play a significant role in the destruction of both Death Stars.
Runner Up: Serenity (Firefly)
Just the thing for the adventurous entrepreneur: fast, maneuverable, inexpensive to operate, and easy to maintain. A ship like this will be with you 'til the day you die.

Best Weapon (ranged)
Winner: Wookie Bowcaster (Star Wars)
Okay, it hasn't got the fastest rate of fire, but it's accurate and cool-looking!
Runner Up: Battle Staff (Stargate)
Devastatingly effective and easy to operate—just point and shoot.

Best Weapon (hand-to-hand)
Winner: Minbari Fighting Pike (Babylon 5)
Simple, effective, and easily concealed, it's absolutely dazzling in the hands of someone who really knows how to use it.
Runner Up: Lightsaber (Star Wars)
Just this sight of this thing is awe-inspiring. An elegant weapon, from a more civilized time.

Best Tool
Winner: Sonic Screwdriver (Doctor Who)
It comes in handy for bypassing locked doors and other such nuisances. Security override? We don't need no stinking security override.
Runner Up: Tricorder (Star Trek)
We have instruments of the $500,000+ variety in my department that do only the merest fraction of what a tricorder can do. I would have loved to have one for my Analytical Chemistry labs.

Best Exotic Device
Winner: Tardis (Doctor Who)
It's hard for me to imagine something more useful than a functional time machine. Plus, if you're a pack rat, there's an infinite amount of storage space inside.
Runner Up: Alien Healing Device (Babylon 5)
This would be a boon to every hospital around, were it not for the rather unfortunate side effects....

My Tech Toys

Best Ship (Large)
Akira Class starship. Sleek, aesthetically pleasing, and armed to the teeth. Visually, Star Trek's phasers and photon torpedoes have always had a certain appeal for me.

HM: Imperial Star Destoyer.

Best Ship (Small)
Serenity from Firefly. The small cargo ship has the most character of almost any ship in science fiction. You've got to love a ship's mess that includes a huge wooden table around which crew and passengers enjoy communal meals.

HM: X-wing.
HM: Colonial Viper.

Best Weapon (Ranged)
A Green Lantern power ring. Technically speaking, the GL ring is a technological device directed by the will of the weilder and powered by the Oan Central Battery. Versatile and stylish. Need a laser? Got it. Need a net? Ditto. Want to overwhelm your enemy with a flock of birds? No problem. It's all about the ring.

HM: Phaser rifle from Star Trek.

Best Weapon (Hand-to-hand).
Like my esteemed colleague, I have to go with the elegant weapon of the Jedi Knights: the lightsaber.

HM: Batleth. It slices and dices the old-fashioned way!

Best Tool
Iron Man armor. Sensors, transportation, defensive shielding, and offensive weapons? It's the Swiss Army Knife of science fiction.

HM: Dr. Who's sonic screwdriver.

Best Exotic Device.
The Orgasmatron from Woody Allen's, The Sleeper. Wait, that's an erotic device . . .

Robby the Robot from Forbidden Planet. Incredible strength (check out the image of Robby lifting a lead monolith), immense intelligence, and the ability to manufacture any substance known to humanity. Don't leave home without him!

HM: A Stargate.
HM: Any of the Yuuzhan Vong biotechnology from the Star Wars Expanded Universe series.

Tech Toys

Okay, it's about time for another gathering of opinions regarding sci-fi. Today's topic: the wonderful machines the future has to offer.

Your mission is to nominate a winner and an honorable mention from the field of science fiction in each of the following categories:

» Best Ship (large)
» Best Ship (small)
» Best Weapon (ranged)
» Best Weapon (hand-to-hand)
» Best Tool
» Best Exotic Device

As usual, try to include as many different series /franchises as possible, and be descriptive. Also as usual, I will post mine last. Have fun!