Ten More Really Awful Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10. Being eaten by a grue.
9. Being impaled during mass...and you're the one conducting the service.
8. Having your magical essence drained away by being hung upside down and skinned alive.
7. Walking onto the bridge of a captured ship just in time to hear the computer say, "Seven ... six ... five ..."
6. Having your head teleported away from your body.
5. Death due to rapid aging brought on by a poor choice in stemware.
4. That Spanish brat you taught a lesson to all those years ago finally catches up with you.
3. Being dragged down to the underworld after the woman you've spent the last three thousand years trying to resurrect abandons you.
2. Being eaten by dung beetles after abandoning the man who's spent the last three thousand years trying to resurrect you.
1. Being sucked into a jet engine because you've ignored Edna's first rule of costume design: NO CAPES!
Being a compendium of rumblings, imprints, and musings on science fiction, fantasy, comic books, gaming, and other things common to the unconventional mind.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
Even More Ways to Go
Mike came up with a doozy of a list this time, eh? Gotta love that dark sense of humor. As I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm not into dark humor, I have a few "ways to die" I'd like to add to the list.
The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10) Having a witch, mad with the power of Chaos magic, wish you into non-existence.*
9) Being eaten by a Rancor.
8) Activating a radio to God and having your face melted off.
7) Pickled by toxic waste, your entire body splats on the windshield of a fast moving vehicle.
6) You survive several years as the Chief Engineer on a starship, only to have your life snuffed out in the lamest. series. finale. ever.
5) A bug in your brain, a phaser in your hand. Do the math.
4) Finally free of your human captors, your internal battery runs out of power. Time to die.
3) Called into existence as a sperm whale, your first few moments of life include striking the ground at terminal velocity.
2) Standing in the gateway to Hell, your soul finally restored to your body, your girlfriend slides a sword into your belly.
1) Seconds away from destroying the Rebel Alliance forever, it dawns on you that you forgot to close the thermal exhaust port.
*Not only is this a terrible way to die, it's even worse when the execution is lame, lame, lame.
The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10) Having a witch, mad with the power of Chaos magic, wish you into non-existence.*
9) Being eaten by a Rancor.
8) Activating a radio to God and having your face melted off.
7) Pickled by toxic waste, your entire body splats on the windshield of a fast moving vehicle.
6) You survive several years as the Chief Engineer on a starship, only to have your life snuffed out in the lamest. series. finale. ever.
5) A bug in your brain, a phaser in your hand. Do the math.
4) Finally free of your human captors, your internal battery runs out of power. Time to die.
3) Called into existence as a sperm whale, your first few moments of life include striking the ground at terminal velocity.
2) Standing in the gateway to Hell, your soul finally restored to your body, your girlfriend slides a sword into your belly.
1) Seconds away from destroying the Rebel Alliance forever, it dawns on you that you forgot to close the thermal exhaust port.
*Not only is this a terrible way to die, it's even worse when the execution is lame, lame, lame.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
What A Way To Go
I was watching the end of The Wizard of Oz the other night, and I saw the famous "I'm melting!" scene. And it made me think, "What a crappy way to go." But there are worse, I suppose.
The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10. Being turned into a cardboard dodecahedron, then squished.
9. Having an alien embryo burst out of your chest. (It's even worse if the alien then produces a top hat and cane and tap dances away.)
8. Committing suicide on the moon because you realize you can never hope to control the awesome power you have, only to come back and then die again numerous times over the next thirty years.
7. Being beaten to death by Doomsday as a publicity stunt.
6. Having your head put on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price.
5. Having your soul sucked out through your mouth.
4. Being Force-choked by a Sith Lord while watching him talk to the poor sap who's about to get your job.
3. Being blasted by a Cardassian possessed by a Pagh Wraith.
2. Landing your spaceship safely under impossible conditions, only to be impaled seconds later when a huge spear crashes through your windshield.
1. Finally recovering something precious to you after losing it decades earlier, only to lose your balance at the moment of triumph and fall into a lava pit.
So, did I miss any?
The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10. Being turned into a cardboard dodecahedron, then squished.
9. Having an alien embryo burst out of your chest. (It's even worse if the alien then produces a top hat and cane and tap dances away.)
8. Committing suicide on the moon because you realize you can never hope to control the awesome power you have, only to come back and then die again numerous times over the next thirty years.
7. Being beaten to death by Doomsday as a publicity stunt.
6. Having your head put on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price.
5. Having your soul sucked out through your mouth.
4. Being Force-choked by a Sith Lord while watching him talk to the poor sap who's about to get your job.
3. Being blasted by a Cardassian possessed by a Pagh Wraith.
2. Landing your spaceship safely under impossible conditions, only to be impaled seconds later when a huge spear crashes through your windshield.
1. Finally recovering something precious to you after losing it decades earlier, only to lose your balance at the moment of triumph and fall into a lava pit.
So, did I miss any?
Friday, November 04, 2005
Late but Fantastic
Okay, I'm behind the times, but I just saw Fantastic Four last weekend. I will say just one thing:
Michael Chiklis was the perfect choice to play Ben Grimm.
Can't wait for the sequel(s)!
Michael Chiklis was the perfect choice to play Ben Grimm.
Can't wait for the sequel(s)!
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