VIPER Jokes

For the uninitiated, VIPER is the premier villain organization in the Champions universe. If there's arms smuggling, international theft, harassment of superheroes, or a world takeover plot in the works, you can bet VIPER's got their hands in it.

VIPER is more effective than the comic book organization it's based on (Marvel's HYDRA). There's no shortage of mad scientists, cunning but cowardly Nest Leaders, and supervillains on the payroll, but VIPER is best known for its agents. And that's the problem. VIPER agents have a (not entirely undeserved) reputation for underachievement. Think of Imperial Stormtroopers, but with green uniforms.

Q: How many VIPER Agent does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five—one to change the bulb, while the rest of his team stands around looking useless.

Q: What do VIPER agents and eggs have in common?
A: They both crack under pressure, and they're both worth about $1.19 a dozen.

Q: Why did VIPER stop using eight-second hand grenades?
A: Most VIPER agents couldn't count past five without using both hands.

Q: What's the difference between a VIPER agent and an automatic transmission?
A: It's hard to replace a transmission.

Q: Why did the Frenchman win the pistol duel?
A: The VIPER agent surrendered first.

Q: What's the difference between a VIPER Agent and a baseball?
A: If a baseball gets knocked over the fence, somebody's going to want to get it back.

Q: How do you get a VIPER Agent out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: How many VIPER Agent does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two—one to change the bulb, and one to stab him in the back when he's finished.

Q: Why don't VIPER Agents eat omelettes?
A: The average VIPER Agent can't beat an egg.

Q: What do a VIPER Agent and a high school color guard girl have in common?
A: They both carry a rifle for no apparent reason.

VIPER Agents are so lazy they only date pregnant women.

Q: What's the difference between a VIPER Agent and Bigfoot?
A: One's an ugly, hulking, uncultured, foul-smelling brute, and the other has big feet.

I tried to join VIPER once, but I passed my I.Q. test.

I tried to join VIPER once, but they found out my parents were married.

And finally,
Q: How many VIPER Agent does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one to change the bulb, after which he'll be shot by his Nest Leader because that's not the way he wanted it done. So none, really.