From a recent message board thread regarding Superman Returns:
"Why couldn't they just wait another twenty years and let Kal-El Cage play Superman?"
Classic.
This film is by far my most anticipated film of the summer. I can't wait to see Singer's take on the iconic hero. Please don't let me down.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
That's Using Your Head!
In this weeks' action with the OGC, our heroes (Wild Card, Sift, and Rham Dhapp) tried to keep VIPER from kidnapping their teammate, Gate. The cyborg VIPER leader, when finding himself facing heroic opposition, immediately called for reinforcements.
Enter the VIPER Vehicle Specialists. Half a dozen or so agents zoomed in on motorcycles wielding shock batons. One drove past Rham Dhapp, who dodged the attack and then smacked the agent in the back of the head with a baton he'd confiscated from another agent. The stunned VIPER agent lost control of the bike and crashed into a parked car. Fortunately, he wasn't seriously injured because he was wearing a helmet.
In other words, the VIPER agents were smarter than Super Bowl-winning quarterback Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Way to go, Ben.
Enter the VIPER Vehicle Specialists. Half a dozen or so agents zoomed in on motorcycles wielding shock batons. One drove past Rham Dhapp, who dodged the attack and then smacked the agent in the back of the head with a baton he'd confiscated from another agent. The stunned VIPER agent lost control of the bike and crashed into a parked car. Fortunately, he wasn't seriously injured because he was wearing a helmet.
In other words, the VIPER agents were smarter than Super Bowl-winning quarterback Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Way to go, Ben.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
X-Franchise: Definitely Not Dead Yet
Since we seem to be on an X3 binge the last couple weeks, I've been meaning to post the following tidbit of information. Those involved with X3 admit there's more X-fare in the pipeline. The topic of another movie slipped out during a discussion of Gambit's absence from the first three X-films.
Let me stop and process that for a second. Gambit's absence from the first three films? Gambit? Gambit, the ragin cajun whose mutant power is the ability to deliver a kinetic blast via throwable items (namely playing cards)? That someone would even ask about Gambit's absence from the films, and the fact that one of the authors of the script even considered involving Gambit, speaks volumes regarding the generation of X-fans targeted by the movie industry. They're certainly not catering to the old schoolers like myself. And that's the reason why I'm starting to lose interest in the franchise. I want to see Cyclops, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Kitty, Storm, Wolverine, Rogue, Ice Man, Beast, and Jean emerge as one the premiere super teams on the planet Earth. These are the X-men, with a few other occasional guest stints by folks like Havok, Polaris, Banshee, and Sunfire, who I came to know and love. I want to see them engage the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, the Hellfire Club, the Sentinels (what a lame reference to the Sentinels in X3), the Brood, Belasco, and any other number of interesting antagonists. I want to see them engage emotionally, to create friendships, to develop dislikes for one another, to set differences aside when everything is on the line. I realize adjustments need to be made to the original storyline(s) in order to resonate with contemporary audiences. I'm down with that--the first two X-flicks did just fine in that department.
The fact that Gambit is going to appear in future X-incarnations tells me the franchise is headed in the Age of Apocalypse direction, a storyline that resulted in me dropping the X-men as a regular comic. With the exception of Astonishing X-men, written by Josh Whedon, I haven't returned to the X-realm in 11 years. Gambit didn't interest me when he appeared 15 years ago and he doesn't interest me now. Gambit's appearance marks a shift away from the X-men as a morality play with likable, yet flawed, characters. The X-men of Claremont's run were interesting and complex people who found themselves thrust into extraordinary events. Some of my favorite comics from that era focused on the X-men hanging around the mansion between intergalactic travels or terrestrial battles to save the Earth. The Gambit era toward the end of Claremont's run, on the other hand, marked a shift toward style over substance. Comics became more about slick new characters with flashy powers, not the humanness of said characters. Ultimately, I suppose that's my issue with X3. Considering the gravity of the story, I didn't feel much emotionally ::shrugs:: And that's exactly what a feel when I hear Gambit is likely to make an appearance: nothin', mon cheri.
Let me stop and process that for a second. Gambit's absence from the first three films? Gambit? Gambit, the ragin cajun whose mutant power is the ability to deliver a kinetic blast via throwable items (namely playing cards)? That someone would even ask about Gambit's absence from the films, and the fact that one of the authors of the script even considered involving Gambit, speaks volumes regarding the generation of X-fans targeted by the movie industry. They're certainly not catering to the old schoolers like myself. And that's the reason why I'm starting to lose interest in the franchise. I want to see Cyclops, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Kitty, Storm, Wolverine, Rogue, Ice Man, Beast, and Jean emerge as one the premiere super teams on the planet Earth. These are the X-men, with a few other occasional guest stints by folks like Havok, Polaris, Banshee, and Sunfire, who I came to know and love. I want to see them engage the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, the Hellfire Club, the Sentinels (what a lame reference to the Sentinels in X3), the Brood, Belasco, and any other number of interesting antagonists. I want to see them engage emotionally, to create friendships, to develop dislikes for one another, to set differences aside when everything is on the line. I realize adjustments need to be made to the original storyline(s) in order to resonate with contemporary audiences. I'm down with that--the first two X-flicks did just fine in that department.
The fact that Gambit is going to appear in future X-incarnations tells me the franchise is headed in the Age of Apocalypse direction, a storyline that resulted in me dropping the X-men as a regular comic. With the exception of Astonishing X-men, written by Josh Whedon, I haven't returned to the X-realm in 11 years. Gambit didn't interest me when he appeared 15 years ago and he doesn't interest me now. Gambit's appearance marks a shift away from the X-men as a morality play with likable, yet flawed, characters. The X-men of Claremont's run were interesting and complex people who found themselves thrust into extraordinary events. Some of my favorite comics from that era focused on the X-men hanging around the mansion between intergalactic travels or terrestrial battles to save the Earth. The Gambit era toward the end of Claremont's run, on the other hand, marked a shift toward style over substance. Comics became more about slick new characters with flashy powers, not the humanness of said characters. Ultimately, I suppose that's my issue with X3. Considering the gravity of the story, I didn't feel much emotionally ::shrugs:: And that's exactly what a feel when I hear Gambit is likely to make an appearance: nothin', mon cheri.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Not Dead Yet
By all accounts, X3 should mark the end of the X-Men movie franchise. We've had our little war, the bad guys have been defeated, and a degree of peace has been established between mutants and the rest of humanity. And although there have been terrible losses, we have our happily-ever-after ending.
Don't count on it.
An old friend of mine was fond of saying, "If it works, you have to beat it into the ground. That's how they think in Hollywood." So even though X3 provides a pretty good stopping point for the series, the revenues tell a different story.
The largest Memorial Day opening ever? You can't ignore numbers like that. X4 is an inevitability. Write it down.
Now, if anything even remotely resembling the first three X-Movies is going to work, I figure that most or all of the following have to happen:
1. Charles isn't really dead.
2. Magneto hasn't really lost his powers.
3. Jean isn't really dead.
4. Scott isn't really dead.
None of which is really a problem to someone sufficiently creative(or someone with sufficient financial motivation). Observe:
1. Charles isn't really dead.
If you stuck around to watch all the credits, you already know how this works. Jean may have atomized the good professor's body, but his mind lives on in incorporeal form, looking for an uninhabited body. Conveniently enough, there happens to be just such a body in Moira McTaggert's lab in Scotland.† Problem solved.
2. Magneto hasn't really lost his powers.
This one's already been taken care of, too. At the end of the movie, Eric moves a metal chess piece in the park. Okay, so it's not the Golden Gate Bridge, but even though the 'cure' was supposed to suppress all mutant abilities permanently, it appears that Magneto was so powerful that even the four doses of the 'cure' that the Beast hit him with (or was it five?) didn't quite destroy his powers. With time and practice—and Experience Points—Maggie will be back to his usual charming self before you know it. Check.
3. Jean isn't really dead.
Okay, she really is dead ... but it wasn't really Jean. It was actually ... wait, wait, don't tell me ... a phenomenally powerful cosmic entity who saw Jean trying to save the X-Men, was moved by her courage and compassion, and saved her life by placing her in healing stasis at the bottom of Alkali Lake while it took on Jean's physical form, fought in her place alongside the X-Men, and ultimately died heroically and/or tragically.‡ Bingo.
4. Scott isn't really dead.
This is the easiest one to fix, because Scott's really not dead. How do we know this? Because we never saw his body. For the newbies, the First Rule of Comic Books is: If you don't see a body, he's not dead! He may be in Acapulco. He may be a deranged amnesiac. He may have even lost his powers. But he's not dead. Count on it. The fact is that the only evidence we have that Scott might be dead is Jean's own confession—and given her state of mind at the time, she's not exactly what I'd call a reliable eyewitness. Quad erat demonstrandum.
So, to those of us who are longtime fans of the superhero genre, none of this is much of a stretch. It's all pretty standard stuff, really. But to the general public, it might be a bit much to swallow, and the movie could flop. X4 might only make $100 million on opening weekend. Tragic.
Hey, if (when) the powers-that-be do eventually decide to make X4 (and beyond...?), here's something really radical they could try: an original story! After all the different storylines that've been botched in the past two movies, how about something that doesn't try to borrow from every single major story arc from the last twenty years? These characters are interesting enough to carry a movie on their own merits, and a good scriptwriter could do amazing things with them. Write a script that tells a meaningful story about the characters, and you'll have a good—and ultimtely successful—movie.§
'Nuff said, bub.
--
†The problem here is finding someone to play the Professor. Even with his psyche intact, he'll look completely different. So we'll probably have to have Patrick Stewart's voice dubbed over someone else's actions, kind of like James Earl Jones as Darth Vader. But who to play Xavier's new body...? Maybe Jonathan Frakes is available.
‡In other words, the 'original' Jean Grey/Phoenix Force storyline—one of the very stupidest rewrites in the history of a genre rife with stupid rewrites. (In my humble opinion.)
§ Maybe they could get someone like Joss Whedon or J. Michael Straczynski to write the script for X4. Better yet, send Derek, me, and the OGC a few hundred thousand dollars, and we'll write it.
Don't count on it.
An old friend of mine was fond of saying, "If it works, you have to beat it into the ground. That's how they think in Hollywood." So even though X3 provides a pretty good stopping point for the series, the revenues tell a different story.
The largest Memorial Day opening ever? You can't ignore numbers like that. X4 is an inevitability. Write it down.
Now, if anything even remotely resembling the first three X-Movies is going to work, I figure that most or all of the following have to happen:
1. Charles isn't really dead.
2. Magneto hasn't really lost his powers.
3. Jean isn't really dead.
4. Scott isn't really dead.
None of which is really a problem to someone sufficiently creative(or someone with sufficient financial motivation). Observe:
1. Charles isn't really dead.
If you stuck around to watch all the credits, you already know how this works. Jean may have atomized the good professor's body, but his mind lives on in incorporeal form, looking for an uninhabited body. Conveniently enough, there happens to be just such a body in Moira McTaggert's lab in Scotland.† Problem solved.
2. Magneto hasn't really lost his powers.
This one's already been taken care of, too. At the end of the movie, Eric moves a metal chess piece in the park. Okay, so it's not the Golden Gate Bridge, but even though the 'cure' was supposed to suppress all mutant abilities permanently, it appears that Magneto was so powerful that even the four doses of the 'cure' that the Beast hit him with (or was it five?) didn't quite destroy his powers. With time and practice—and Experience Points—Maggie will be back to his usual charming self before you know it. Check.
3. Jean isn't really dead.
Okay, she really is dead ... but it wasn't really Jean. It was actually ... wait, wait, don't tell me ... a phenomenally powerful cosmic entity who saw Jean trying to save the X-Men, was moved by her courage and compassion, and saved her life by placing her in healing stasis at the bottom of Alkali Lake while it took on Jean's physical form, fought in her place alongside the X-Men, and ultimately died heroically and/or tragically.‡ Bingo.
4. Scott isn't really dead.
This is the easiest one to fix, because Scott's really not dead. How do we know this? Because we never saw his body. For the newbies, the First Rule of Comic Books is: If you don't see a body, he's not dead! He may be in Acapulco. He may be a deranged amnesiac. He may have even lost his powers. But he's not dead. Count on it. The fact is that the only evidence we have that Scott might be dead is Jean's own confession—and given her state of mind at the time, she's not exactly what I'd call a reliable eyewitness. Quad erat demonstrandum.
So, to those of us who are longtime fans of the superhero genre, none of this is much of a stretch. It's all pretty standard stuff, really. But to the general public, it might be a bit much to swallow, and the movie could flop. X4 might only make $100 million on opening weekend. Tragic.
Hey, if (when) the powers-that-be do eventually decide to make X4 (and beyond...?), here's something really radical they could try: an original story! After all the different storylines that've been botched in the past two movies, how about something that doesn't try to borrow from every single major story arc from the last twenty years? These characters are interesting enough to carry a movie on their own merits, and a good scriptwriter could do amazing things with them. Write a script that tells a meaningful story about the characters, and you'll have a good—and ultimtely successful—movie.§
'Nuff said, bub.
--
†The problem here is finding someone to play the Professor. Even with his psyche intact, he'll look completely different. So we'll probably have to have Patrick Stewart's voice dubbed over someone else's actions, kind of like James Earl Jones as Darth Vader. But who to play Xavier's new body...? Maybe Jonathan Frakes is available.
‡In other words, the 'original' Jean Grey/Phoenix Force storyline—one of the very stupidest rewrites in the history of a genre rife with stupid rewrites. (In my humble opinion.)
§ Maybe they could get someone like Joss Whedon or J. Michael Straczynski to write the script for X4. Better yet, send Derek, me, and the OGC a few hundred thousand dollars, and we'll write it.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I'm the Juggernaut, B*tch!
Did anyone else catch the reference to the Dave Chappelle show in X3? Lamest part of the movie, period. The original Chappelle joke isn't all that funny and is, by far, the most overused/referenced joke ever. In light of the ultimate lameness of the dated joke, I offer the following.
I'm the Juggernaut!
Now, that's the Juggernaut, b*tch.
I'm the Juggernaut!
Now, that's the Juggernaut, b*tch.
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