Ten More Really Awful Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10. Being eaten by a grue.
9. Being impaled during mass...and you're the one conducting the service.
8. Having your magical essence drained away by being hung upside down and skinned alive.
7. Walking onto the bridge of a captured ship just in time to hear the computer say, "Seven ... six ... five ..."
6. Having your head teleported away from your body.
5. Death due to rapid aging brought on by a poor choice in stemware.
4. That Spanish brat you taught a lesson to all those years ago finally catches up with you.
3. Being dragged down to the underworld after the woman you've spent the last three thousand years trying to resurrect abandons you.
2. Being eaten by dung beetles after abandoning the man who's spent the last three thousand years trying to resurrect you.
1. Being sucked into a jet engine because you've ignored Edna's first rule of costume design: NO CAPES!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
Even More Ways to Go
Mike came up with a doozy of a list this time, eh? Gotta love that dark sense of humor. As I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm not into dark humor, I have a few "ways to die" I'd like to add to the list.
The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10) Having a witch, mad with the power of Chaos magic, wish you into non-existence.*
9) Being eaten by a Rancor.
8) Activating a radio to God and having your face melted off.
7) Pickled by toxic waste, your entire body splats on the windshield of a fast moving vehicle.
6) You survive several years as the Chief Engineer on a starship, only to have your life snuffed out in the lamest. series. finale. ever.
5) A bug in your brain, a phaser in your hand. Do the math.
4) Finally free of your human captors, your internal battery runs out of power. Time to die.
3) Called into existence as a sperm whale, your first few moments of life include striking the ground at terminal velocity.
2) Standing in the gateway to Hell, your soul finally restored to your body, your girlfriend slides a sword into your belly.
1) Seconds away from destroying the Rebel Alliance forever, it dawns on you that you forgot to close the thermal exhaust port.
*Not only is this a terrible way to die, it's even worse when the execution is lame, lame, lame.
The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10) Having a witch, mad with the power of Chaos magic, wish you into non-existence.*
9) Being eaten by a Rancor.
8) Activating a radio to God and having your face melted off.
7) Pickled by toxic waste, your entire body splats on the windshield of a fast moving vehicle.
6) You survive several years as the Chief Engineer on a starship, only to have your life snuffed out in the lamest. series. finale. ever.
5) A bug in your brain, a phaser in your hand. Do the math.
4) Finally free of your human captors, your internal battery runs out of power. Time to die.
3) Called into existence as a sperm whale, your first few moments of life include striking the ground at terminal velocity.
2) Standing in the gateway to Hell, your soul finally restored to your body, your girlfriend slides a sword into your belly.
1) Seconds away from destroying the Rebel Alliance forever, it dawns on you that you forgot to close the thermal exhaust port.
*Not only is this a terrible way to die, it's even worse when the execution is lame, lame, lame.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
What A Way To Go
I was watching the end of The Wizard of Oz the other night, and I saw the famous "I'm melting!" scene. And it made me think, "What a crappy way to go." But there are worse, I suppose.
The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10. Being turned into a cardboard dodecahedron, then squished.
9. Having an alien embryo burst out of your chest. (It's even worse if the alien then produces a top hat and cane and tap dances away.)
8. Committing suicide on the moon because you realize you can never hope to control the awesome power you have, only to come back and then die again numerous times over the next thirty years.
7. Being beaten to death by Doomsday as a publicity stunt.
6. Having your head put on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price.
5. Having your soul sucked out through your mouth.
4. Being Force-choked by a Sith Lord while watching him talk to the poor sap who's about to get your job.
3. Being blasted by a Cardassian possessed by a Pagh Wraith.
2. Landing your spaceship safely under impossible conditions, only to be impaled seconds later when a huge spear crashes through your windshield.
1. Finally recovering something precious to you after losing it decades earlier, only to lose your balance at the moment of triumph and fall into a lava pit.
So, did I miss any?
The Top Ten Worst Ways to Die in Fantasy and Science Fiction
10. Being turned into a cardboard dodecahedron, then squished.
9. Having an alien embryo burst out of your chest. (It's even worse if the alien then produces a top hat and cane and tap dances away.)
8. Committing suicide on the moon because you realize you can never hope to control the awesome power you have, only to come back and then die again numerous times over the next thirty years.
7. Being beaten to death by Doomsday as a publicity stunt.
6. Having your head put on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price.
5. Having your soul sucked out through your mouth.
4. Being Force-choked by a Sith Lord while watching him talk to the poor sap who's about to get your job.
3. Being blasted by a Cardassian possessed by a Pagh Wraith.
2. Landing your spaceship safely under impossible conditions, only to be impaled seconds later when a huge spear crashes through your windshield.
1. Finally recovering something precious to you after losing it decades earlier, only to lose your balance at the moment of triumph and fall into a lava pit.
So, did I miss any?
Friday, November 04, 2005
Late but Fantastic
Okay, I'm behind the times, but I just saw Fantastic Four last weekend. I will say just one thing:
Michael Chiklis was the perfect choice to play Ben Grimm.
Can't wait for the sequel(s)!
Michael Chiklis was the perfect choice to play Ben Grimm.
Can't wait for the sequel(s)!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
One Thing Leads to Another
We're all aware of the recent movie "Doom" based on the ground-breaking video game. Yes, it appears to be awful and no, I have no plans to see it. But I found out something interesting about it.
As those who have played the game know, two of the more interesting weapons available are a shotgun and a chainsaw. According to IMDb.com, the decision to include these two weapons was based on "Army of Darkness" and the rest of the "Evil Dead" series.
So what we have, in the end, is a movie based on a video game based on a movie.
New ideas, anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
As those who have played the game know, two of the more interesting weapons available are a shotgun and a chainsaw. According to IMDb.com, the decision to include these two weapons was based on "Army of Darkness" and the rest of the "Evil Dead" series.
So what we have, in the end, is a movie based on a video game based on a movie.
New ideas, anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Look Who's Coming to Dinner
If you haven't been keeping track of recent events in the Marvel comics universe, the House of M miniseries (which I haven't been reading--I've had it with the x-men mega events) is about to drastically change the mutant landscape. Rumor has it that the estimated 16 million mutants in the Marvel universe will be culled to somewhere between 200-300. Despite the silliness of the entire affiar, one good thing appears to be coming out of the House of M mess.
That's right, Excalibur is returning as a monthly series and Chris Claremont is heading up the reconceptualization of the team. I'll be calling the comic shop to add this to my hold file.
That's right, Excalibur is returning as a monthly series and Chris Claremont is heading up the reconceptualization of the team. I'll be calling the comic shop to add this to my hold file.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Kneel, er, Vote Before Zod
Looks like the 2008 Presidential elections just got a lot more interesting:
General Zod 2008
Given our recent discussion of Nicolas Cage and his new child, Kal-El, I found the following picture/caption particularly funny.
The future President and his staff react noticeably as Ed Randall, campaign worker, pronounces the the name of Nicolas Cage's heathen child. (AP/Boston Globe)
General Zod 2008
Given our recent discussion of Nicolas Cage and his new child, Kal-El, I found the following picture/caption particularly funny.
The future President and his staff react noticeably as Ed Randall, campaign worker, pronounces the the name of Nicolas Cage's heathen child. (AP/Boston Globe)
Monday, September 26, 2005
Meditations on the New Mutants
In the wake of the previous article, Doug Ramsey: Reloaded, I've been thinking about the New Mutants. I always liked the idea of an 'X-Men junior varsity' team. I wondered what it would be like to have superpowers when I was a teenager.* True, the stories weren't quite as good as what the X-Men got, and the artwork was absolutely atrocious sometimes. But I still really liked the team. Here are my thoughts on them.
Cannonball
Sam Guthrie was always my favorite member of the team. He was tall and a little clumsy, bright but socially awkward, and hung up on a girl who didn't even know he existed. He also had a strong sense of what was right and wrong and always wanted to do the right thing, even if he wasn't always sure what that was. I found a lot in him that I could relate to. And his graduation costume rocked!
Mirage
Dani's personality made her a fine complement to Sam as a team leader. Her 'I hate all white men' thing was a little clichéd and annoying, but fortunately it didn't peek out too often. The development of her powers was sometimes a little incoherent, though. Being able to show someone their deepest desires or fears is pretty cool—but what does it have to do with communicating with animals? The ability to create objects from thin air was a fairly logical development of her power, which I liked. But the Valkyrie thing made no sense to me. It seemed like the writers never knew what to do with her. They should have spent more time developing her personality, not her powers.
Karma
I thought Shan had a lot of potential, but any time she was on stage, her personality—like her mutant power—was just a little too one-dimensional. Too bad.
Wolfsbane
I also found some things to relate to in Rhane, and she did show some growth as the series progressed. But I think the writers put way too much emphasis on the internal conflicts and angst caused by her religion. Why is the media so quick to portray anyone with strong religious beliefs as either a prude, a fanatic, or just plain unbalanced? We're not all freaks....
Sunspot
One of the few bricks in comics that didn't also have exceptional defenses. Strong and powerful, yet also strangely vulnerable—which is also a pretty good description of his personality. His bravado at times seemed like a cover for deep insecurities he may not have even realized he had. And of course there was his hot temper. Every team needs an irritant, and Roberto made for a good one.
Magik
Every team also needs a bad@ss, and she was it. Illyana was just not to be screwed with, especially if you relied on any kind of mystical forces to keep you in the fight. I think even her brother was afraid of her—and he was seven and a half feet tall and made of steel.
Magma
While Amara's powers and personality were interesting enough, what I really liked about her was her history. The idea of a Roman colony lost deep in the South American jungle for centuries was a nice touch. Too bad the writers decided to retconn it and make it a hidden mutant colony instead. Lousy rewrites!
Warlock
I guess teams also need a 'fish out of water' character from time to time, and I suppose Warlock was as good a fit as any for this team. He did provide for a few interesting story lines, but usually only because of being pursued by his father, the Magus. Other than that, I never really felt that he fit in with the rest of the team. And having him run off with Sunspot and leave Doug (Cypher) behind in the "Fallen Angels" miniseries was just stupid.
Cypher
In retrospect, I can see that Cypher was just a waste of a good character concept. See the previous article for details. He had a lot of potential for growth and development in his own right, but was usually relegated to the roles of DNPC for the rest of the team, or someone for Colossus to get jealous over (because of all the time Kitty spent with him). The one really decent story involving him was the time he combined with Warlock to defeat the Magus—by rewriting Magus' DNA. That was seriously cool, and worthy of any true science geek (even a linguist).
Wow, it's kind of fun to think about characters from so long ago. Maybe I'll take a look at another superteam soon. Alpha Flight, maybe. That team really put the 'dis' in 'dysfunctional'. Suggestions, anyone?
--
*Heck, sometimes I still do.
Cannonball
Sam Guthrie was always my favorite member of the team. He was tall and a little clumsy, bright but socially awkward, and hung up on a girl who didn't even know he existed. He also had a strong sense of what was right and wrong and always wanted to do the right thing, even if he wasn't always sure what that was. I found a lot in him that I could relate to. And his graduation costume rocked!
Mirage
Dani's personality made her a fine complement to Sam as a team leader. Her 'I hate all white men' thing was a little clichéd and annoying, but fortunately it didn't peek out too often. The development of her powers was sometimes a little incoherent, though. Being able to show someone their deepest desires or fears is pretty cool—but what does it have to do with communicating with animals? The ability to create objects from thin air was a fairly logical development of her power, which I liked. But the Valkyrie thing made no sense to me. It seemed like the writers never knew what to do with her. They should have spent more time developing her personality, not her powers.
Karma
I thought Shan had a lot of potential, but any time she was on stage, her personality—like her mutant power—was just a little too one-dimensional. Too bad.
Wolfsbane
I also found some things to relate to in Rhane, and she did show some growth as the series progressed. But I think the writers put way too much emphasis on the internal conflicts and angst caused by her religion. Why is the media so quick to portray anyone with strong religious beliefs as either a prude, a fanatic, or just plain unbalanced? We're not all freaks....
Sunspot
One of the few bricks in comics that didn't also have exceptional defenses. Strong and powerful, yet also strangely vulnerable—which is also a pretty good description of his personality. His bravado at times seemed like a cover for deep insecurities he may not have even realized he had. And of course there was his hot temper. Every team needs an irritant, and Roberto made for a good one.
Magik
Every team also needs a bad@ss, and she was it. Illyana was just not to be screwed with, especially if you relied on any kind of mystical forces to keep you in the fight. I think even her brother was afraid of her—and he was seven and a half feet tall and made of steel.
Magma
While Amara's powers and personality were interesting enough, what I really liked about her was her history. The idea of a Roman colony lost deep in the South American jungle for centuries was a nice touch. Too bad the writers decided to retconn it and make it a hidden mutant colony instead. Lousy rewrites!
Warlock
I guess teams also need a 'fish out of water' character from time to time, and I suppose Warlock was as good a fit as any for this team. He did provide for a few interesting story lines, but usually only because of being pursued by his father, the Magus. Other than that, I never really felt that he fit in with the rest of the team. And having him run off with Sunspot and leave Doug (Cypher) behind in the "Fallen Angels" miniseries was just stupid.
Cypher
In retrospect, I can see that Cypher was just a waste of a good character concept. See the previous article for details. He had a lot of potential for growth and development in his own right, but was usually relegated to the roles of DNPC for the rest of the team, or someone for Colossus to get jealous over (because of all the time Kitty spent with him). The one really decent story involving him was the time he combined with Warlock to defeat the Magus—by rewriting Magus' DNA. That was seriously cool, and worthy of any true science geek (even a linguist).
Wow, it's kind of fun to think about characters from so long ago. Maybe I'll take a look at another superteam soon. Alpha Flight, maybe. That team really put the 'dis' in 'dysfunctional'. Suggestions, anyone?
--
*Heck, sometimes I still do.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Doug Ramsey: Reloaded
I found this article through Fark.com about the Top 10 obscure comic-book characters that should be brought to the big screen. Some of IGN's nominees included Animal Man, the Question, the Flaming Carrot, and the spectacular Spider-Ham. And one of the nominees was someone with whom I was actually familiar: Cypher.
Yes, that Cypher. Doug Ramsey of the New Mutants. And my initial reaction was, "You've got to be kidding. Cypher? That guy's as useless as a chocolate teapot. Even dying didn't make him interesting."
And then I read their proposed story:
"Mutants live in a world that fears and hates them, but truth-be-told, if Doug Ramsey existed in our world, he'd be one rich man. Cypher has the ability to instantly understand and communicate in any language, even binary. Rather than your typical X-Men flick, Cypher would actually be an incredibly successful intelligence agent, who happens to house the deep, dark secret that he's a mutant. A Cypher flick could prove to be the rare superhero thriller."
And I thought, that's one decent story idea.
Which is exactly one more decent story idea than the geniuses at Marvel ever came up with for the character.
Yes, that Cypher. Doug Ramsey of the New Mutants. And my initial reaction was, "You've got to be kidding. Cypher? That guy's as useless as a chocolate teapot. Even dying didn't make him interesting."
And then I read their proposed story:
"Mutants live in a world that fears and hates them, but truth-be-told, if Doug Ramsey existed in our world, he'd be one rich man. Cypher has the ability to instantly understand and communicate in any language, even binary. Rather than your typical X-Men flick, Cypher would actually be an incredibly successful intelligence agent, who happens to house the deep, dark secret that he's a mutant. A Cypher flick could prove to be the rare superhero thriller."
And I thought, that's one decent story idea.
Which is exactly one more decent story idea than the geniuses at Marvel ever came up with for the character.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Science Fiction and Fantasy as Equipment for Living
Since Mike posted some ideas for my potential class here at Army of Dorkness, I thought I'd add a follow up. After several hours of writing and rewriting, I think I've developed a suitable course description. Check it out.
This course explores the ways in which science fiction and fantasy media (film and television) contributes to an understanding of contemporary human life. Embracing the futuristic, the magical, and the spectacular, mediated forms of science fiction and fantasy invite viewers to enter a public dialogue concerning issues of science, ethics, art, and religion. Throughout the semester, students will examine the ways in which mediated artifacts assist in the constitution and negotiation of human aspirations and apprehensions.
I've also developed a working title.
Rocket ships, Replicants, and Ringwraiths: Science Fiction and Fantasy as Equipment for Living
I'm open to suggestions for the title. The only requirement is that the second half of the title--Science Fiction and Fantasy as Equipment for Living--has to stay the same. I'm using a couple articles that talk about media as "Equipment for Living" as the foundation for the course (mad props to Marsha for reminding me of the piece). With that in mind, I also had a couple other potential titles.
Metahumans, Magicians, and Monsters from the ID
Starships, Simulacrum, and Sorcerers
Hyperspace, Hellmouths, and Hobbits
The more I think about it, the more I like the 3rd postential title. It's vague enough that it captures the spirit of science fiction/fantasy and specific enough that it reveals some of the films/programs that we'll watch.
This course explores the ways in which science fiction and fantasy media (film and television) contributes to an understanding of contemporary human life. Embracing the futuristic, the magical, and the spectacular, mediated forms of science fiction and fantasy invite viewers to enter a public dialogue concerning issues of science, ethics, art, and religion. Throughout the semester, students will examine the ways in which mediated artifacts assist in the constitution and negotiation of human aspirations and apprehensions.
I've also developed a working title.
Rocket ships, Replicants, and Ringwraiths: Science Fiction and Fantasy as Equipment for Living
I'm open to suggestions for the title. The only requirement is that the second half of the title--Science Fiction and Fantasy as Equipment for Living--has to stay the same. I'm using a couple articles that talk about media as "Equipment for Living" as the foundation for the course (mad props to Marsha for reminding me of the piece). With that in mind, I also had a couple other potential titles.
Metahumans, Magicians, and Monsters from the ID
Starships, Simulacrum, and Sorcerers
Hyperspace, Hellmouths, and Hobbits
The more I think about it, the more I like the 3rd postential title. It's vague enough that it captures the spirit of science fiction/fantasy and specific enough that it reveals some of the films/programs that we'll watch.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Society
Over at Rhetorical Imprints, Derek talked about teaching a class that explores the way science fiction and fantasy have addressed important social issues. I think this is an excellent choice. In my mind, one of the defining characteristics of "real" science fiction has always been that it provides a lens through which to look at important social issues, especially those dealing with technology. While modern sci-fi and fantasy cinema may not have this goal in mind, they still provide occasional thought-provoking moments.
Derek listed several movies and their relevant issues, then asked for additional suggestions. Here are mine:
X-Men, X2: X-Men United
Marvel Comics' X-titles have always been an allegory for racism (except in the 90s, when the X-titles were about Wolverine's bad temper and superheroines drawn to look like Dolly Parton in zero gravity). These two films carry the issue of race over to the screen quite well. There are other issues of being different from what is accepted in society as well. For example, the "Have you tried not being a mutant?" line from X2 is a clear reference to sexuality.
A Series of Unfortunate Events, Matilda
Both movies feature exceptional children who are abused and/or neglected by their parents or guardians. What obligations do parents have toward their children? To what degree are children responsible for obeying parents who don't love and take care of them? When does the state become responsible for removing children from abusive situations? And what kind of a difference can a single role model (a teacher, for example) make in the life of a child?
Hercules
Most of the recent Disney animated films can be viewed as morality plays in miniature, in my humble opinion. This one serves as a mirror for fame in popular culture. How does our society define heroism? At what point does a person go from being merely famous (or notorious) to being truly heroic?
The Incredibles
I can see at least two issues addressed by this movie. First, what balance exists between the push for equality and the drive for individual excellence? (Dash: "Dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of. Our powers made us special." Helen: "Everyone's special, Dash." Dash: "That's just another way of saying no one is.") Second, what is (or should be) the role of the family in today's society? What is the balance between devotion to family, personal development, and professional success?
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Star Trek tends to get a little preachy sometimes, and this movie is certainly the preachiest. But it raises important issues about humanity and the ecosystem. What obligations does humanity have towards other forms of life on Earth? And how can economic concerns and ecological concerns be balanced?
Bicentennial Man, Artificial Intelligence: AI
The book "I, Robot" raised important questions about the relationship between Man and machine. Most of the reviews I read indicated that these were left out of the film. If "I, Robot" had been more like these two movies, I may have bothered to see it. Okay, enough ranting, on to the questions. As computers become increasingly complex, at what point do they begin taking on organic features? What is the difference between computation and sentience?
The Running Man
I've even got a prospective title for a paper on this one: "Reality Television and the Culture of Voyeurism". If you've watched any reality TV lately, I think you'll agree that we're not all that far away....
Okay, that's what I've got. Comments?
Derek listed several movies and their relevant issues, then asked for additional suggestions. Here are mine:
X-Men, X2: X-Men United
Marvel Comics' X-titles have always been an allegory for racism (except in the 90s, when the X-titles were about Wolverine's bad temper and superheroines drawn to look like Dolly Parton in zero gravity). These two films carry the issue of race over to the screen quite well. There are other issues of being different from what is accepted in society as well. For example, the "Have you tried not being a mutant?" line from X2 is a clear reference to sexuality.
A Series of Unfortunate Events, Matilda
Both movies feature exceptional children who are abused and/or neglected by their parents or guardians. What obligations do parents have toward their children? To what degree are children responsible for obeying parents who don't love and take care of them? When does the state become responsible for removing children from abusive situations? And what kind of a difference can a single role model (a teacher, for example) make in the life of a child?
Hercules
Most of the recent Disney animated films can be viewed as morality plays in miniature, in my humble opinion. This one serves as a mirror for fame in popular culture. How does our society define heroism? At what point does a person go from being merely famous (or notorious) to being truly heroic?
The Incredibles
I can see at least two issues addressed by this movie. First, what balance exists between the push for equality and the drive for individual excellence? (Dash: "Dad always said our powers were nothing to be ashamed of. Our powers made us special." Helen: "Everyone's special, Dash." Dash: "That's just another way of saying no one is.") Second, what is (or should be) the role of the family in today's society? What is the balance between devotion to family, personal development, and professional success?
Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
Star Trek tends to get a little preachy sometimes, and this movie is certainly the preachiest. But it raises important issues about humanity and the ecosystem. What obligations does humanity have towards other forms of life on Earth? And how can economic concerns and ecological concerns be balanced?
Bicentennial Man, Artificial Intelligence: AI
The book "I, Robot" raised important questions about the relationship between Man and machine. Most of the reviews I read indicated that these were left out of the film. If "I, Robot" had been more like these two movies, I may have bothered to see it. Okay, enough ranting, on to the questions. As computers become increasingly complex, at what point do they begin taking on organic features? What is the difference between computation and sentience?
The Running Man
I've even got a prospective title for a paper on this one: "Reality Television and the Culture of Voyeurism". If you've watched any reality TV lately, I think you'll agree that we're not all that far away....
Okay, that's what I've got. Comments?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Avengers Assemble!
Okay, I've been MIA for a while. Moving, getting ready for school, parenting, and all that. However, I've been mulling over the Reassembling the Avengers thought for quite some time. I'll stick with the popular seven member line-up. Here goes.
Captain America. Technically, he's not a founding member. That said, can anyone imagine the Avengers without Cap? Captain America is the Avengers.
Iron Man. He's my favorite Marvel superhero; he had to make the list. He provides moderate muscle, air support, ranged attacks, and electronic expertise.
She-Hulk. While her cousing is unpredictable, Jennifer has remained a stable member of the Avengers for years. She provides plenty of muscle, physical and legal, in times of crisis.
Clea, Sorceress Supreme of the Dark Dimension. For a team that faces Earth-threatening crises of every shape and form, the Avengers have always lacked a master of the magical arts. Rather than go with Dr Strange, the all too obvious choice, I've opted for Clea. Her unique position as leader of the Dark Dimension could provide for some interesting plots.
The Black Knight. Dane Whitman has always been woefully underused as an Avenger. Since the Ebony Blade curse has been lifted and the blade lost, Whitman now employs the Shield of Night (capable of absorbing almost any energy) and the Sword of Light (through which the Black Knight returns the absorbed energy). I also have a soft spot for Arthurian legend and Dane's Lady of the Lake connection appeals to me. His scientific abilities are nothing to laugh at, either.
The Vision. From intangible to dense as a diamond, the synthezoid Avenger is the Pinocchio archetype. He longs to be human, but knows he'll always be an outsider. His convoluted background, relationship to Ultron, and tragic life (they guys been torn apart and reassembled how many times and continues to be faithful to the Avengers), make him a must. If nothing else, the guy needs a chance to redeem himself after the Avengers Disassembled storyline. Talk about character assasination.
Quasar. Hey, the Avengers really need a cosmic level Avenger and who better to fill that slot than quantum band wearing Wendell Vaughn.
There were several Avengers to whom I gave serious consideration and ultimately discarded from my list. Thor, Jocasta, Dazzler, Moon Knight, War Machine (James Rhodes replacing the Tony Stark Iron Man on my list), Nova, Professor Hulk (the Hulk with Banner's intellect), and Falcon were among the many considered.
A couple characters that didn't receive one second of consideration.
Wonder Man. Worst. Character. Ever.
Hank Pym. Nothing more than an Ultron magnet. Ultron is a cool villain, but do the Avengers really want him showing up every 12 issues or so? Relegate Pym to the sidelines and save yourself the trouble. Sheesh.
Triathlon. Second. Worst. Character. Ever.
USAgent. Had a cool costume during Force Works, but boy was that guy annoying. Can you say Psycho?
The Scarlet Witch. Bendis has absolutely ruined that character for me. Here's hoping the House of M puts Wanda out of our misery.
Captain America. Technically, he's not a founding member. That said, can anyone imagine the Avengers without Cap? Captain America is the Avengers.
Iron Man. He's my favorite Marvel superhero; he had to make the list. He provides moderate muscle, air support, ranged attacks, and electronic expertise.
She-Hulk. While her cousing is unpredictable, Jennifer has remained a stable member of the Avengers for years. She provides plenty of muscle, physical and legal, in times of crisis.
Clea, Sorceress Supreme of the Dark Dimension. For a team that faces Earth-threatening crises of every shape and form, the Avengers have always lacked a master of the magical arts. Rather than go with Dr Strange, the all too obvious choice, I've opted for Clea. Her unique position as leader of the Dark Dimension could provide for some interesting plots.
The Black Knight. Dane Whitman has always been woefully underused as an Avenger. Since the Ebony Blade curse has been lifted and the blade lost, Whitman now employs the Shield of Night (capable of absorbing almost any energy) and the Sword of Light (through which the Black Knight returns the absorbed energy). I also have a soft spot for Arthurian legend and Dane's Lady of the Lake connection appeals to me. His scientific abilities are nothing to laugh at, either.
The Vision. From intangible to dense as a diamond, the synthezoid Avenger is the Pinocchio archetype. He longs to be human, but knows he'll always be an outsider. His convoluted background, relationship to Ultron, and tragic life (they guys been torn apart and reassembled how many times and continues to be faithful to the Avengers), make him a must. If nothing else, the guy needs a chance to redeem himself after the Avengers Disassembled storyline. Talk about character assasination.
Quasar. Hey, the Avengers really need a cosmic level Avenger and who better to fill that slot than quantum band wearing Wendell Vaughn.
There were several Avengers to whom I gave serious consideration and ultimately discarded from my list. Thor, Jocasta, Dazzler, Moon Knight, War Machine (James Rhodes replacing the Tony Stark Iron Man on my list), Nova, Professor Hulk (the Hulk with Banner's intellect), and Falcon were among the many considered.
A couple characters that didn't receive one second of consideration.
Wonder Man. Worst. Character. Ever.
Hank Pym. Nothing more than an Ultron magnet. Ultron is a cool villain, but do the Avengers really want him showing up every 12 issues or so? Relegate Pym to the sidelines and save yourself the trouble. Sheesh.
Triathlon. Second. Worst. Character. Ever.
USAgent. Had a cool costume during Force Works, but boy was that guy annoying. Can you say Psycho?
The Scarlet Witch. Bendis has absolutely ruined that character for me. Here's hoping the House of M puts Wanda out of our misery.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Assembling The Avengers
Okay, I'm finally responding to Curtis' challenge below. Let me warn everyone about something, though: I haven't read comics regularly for more than a dozen years. The fact is, I had to dig out my old comics and do some serious research to pull this off at all. So if my team seems a little out-of-date, that's why. Okay, here we go.
Captain America
Cap has always been, and will always be, the heart and soul of the Avengers—all the recent 'Wolverine/changing times/samurai warrior' crap notwithstanding. Without Captain America, there is no 'Avengers'. Period.
Iron Man
If Cap is the heart, then Iron Man is the brains of the Avengers. Not to mention the wallet. But Tony Stark's contributions to the team are far greater than just his seemingly limitless personal fortune. His technical prowess and his ability to deal with even the most monolithic bureaucracies on their own terms make him invaluable to the team.
Hawkeye
Even taking into account Iron Man's superior experience and intellect, Hawkeye is the perfect choice to be Captain America's second in command. He is the classic combination of business and banter, and he almost never misses. He helps keep Cap from getting too serious and maudlin while still getting the job done. And it helps for Cap to know he's not always right.
Binary
True, Carol Danvers was a member of the Avengers for a time. But that was in her previous life (i.e., before she lost her powers and personality to Rogue). As Binary, she has both the temperament and the power level to run with Earth's mightiest heroes.
Stingray
Having a second super-suit on the team may seem redundant, but Stingray would make an extremely valuable team member. First, he's more a pure scientist than Tony, so his perspective would be very helpful. And second, approximately three-quarters of the Earth's surface is covered with water. It would be nice to have someone on the team who's at home under the waves.
Phoenix
(No, not Jean Grey. She's dead. Say it with me: Jean is dead.)
It's no secret that the X-Men produce enough telepaths to export one to every significant superteam on the planet. So why not the Avengers? I think Rachel Summers would make a good addition to this team. She's certainly powerful enough to fit in with this group, and she's got a lifetime's motivation to be heroic.
Valkyrie
Cap, Iron Man, and Hawkeye are long-time avengers, and Carol Danvers and Stingray have associated with the team before. So I thought that bringing in Thor would probably violate the 'new' aspect of this exercise. And I had another thought: if not Thor, then why not another Asgardian? Valkyrie is certainly competent enough as a warrior. Plus, if (when) the writers ever decide to do another stupid "let's kill off one (or more) of the characters" storyline, Val provides a perfectly reasonable way to bring them back later!
Yellowjacket
(No, not Hank Pym. He's already been in the Avengers, what, nineteen different times under five different identities? That's enough.)
After her stint with the Masters of Evil, I seem to recall that Rita DeMara started showing signs of genuine remorse. What better way to serve her penance than in the service of the team she'd wronged? It's not like the Avengers haven't taken in reformed (or even reforming) criminals before.
Okay, that's my suggested roster. Comments?
Captain America
Cap has always been, and will always be, the heart and soul of the Avengers—all the recent 'Wolverine/changing times/samurai warrior' crap notwithstanding. Without Captain America, there is no 'Avengers'. Period.
Iron Man
If Cap is the heart, then Iron Man is the brains of the Avengers. Not to mention the wallet. But Tony Stark's contributions to the team are far greater than just his seemingly limitless personal fortune. His technical prowess and his ability to deal with even the most monolithic bureaucracies on their own terms make him invaluable to the team.
Hawkeye
Even taking into account Iron Man's superior experience and intellect, Hawkeye is the perfect choice to be Captain America's second in command. He is the classic combination of business and banter, and he almost never misses. He helps keep Cap from getting too serious and maudlin while still getting the job done. And it helps for Cap to know he's not always right.
Binary
True, Carol Danvers was a member of the Avengers for a time. But that was in her previous life (i.e., before she lost her powers and personality to Rogue). As Binary, she has both the temperament and the power level to run with Earth's mightiest heroes.
Stingray
Having a second super-suit on the team may seem redundant, but Stingray would make an extremely valuable team member. First, he's more a pure scientist than Tony, so his perspective would be very helpful. And second, approximately three-quarters of the Earth's surface is covered with water. It would be nice to have someone on the team who's at home under the waves.
Phoenix
(No, not Jean Grey. She's dead. Say it with me: Jean is dead.)
It's no secret that the X-Men produce enough telepaths to export one to every significant superteam on the planet. So why not the Avengers? I think Rachel Summers would make a good addition to this team. She's certainly powerful enough to fit in with this group, and she's got a lifetime's motivation to be heroic.
Valkyrie
Cap, Iron Man, and Hawkeye are long-time avengers, and Carol Danvers and Stingray have associated with the team before. So I thought that bringing in Thor would probably violate the 'new' aspect of this exercise. And I had another thought: if not Thor, then why not another Asgardian? Valkyrie is certainly competent enough as a warrior. Plus, if (when) the writers ever decide to do another stupid "let's kill off one (or more) of the characters" storyline, Val provides a perfectly reasonable way to bring them back later!
Yellowjacket
(No, not Hank Pym. He's already been in the Avengers, what, nineteen different times under five different identities? That's enough.)
After her stint with the Masters of Evil, I seem to recall that Rita DeMara started showing signs of genuine remorse. What better way to serve her penance than in the service of the team she'd wronged? It's not like the Avengers haven't taken in reformed (or even reforming) criminals before.
Okay, that's my suggested roster. Comments?
Friday, July 29, 2005
Black Hats, Vol. 3
Okay, I finally got around to offering my picks for the best of the baddies.
Movies
Best Villain. Flash Gordon's arch-nemesis, Ming the Merciless. The guy watched his own daughter being tortured with bore worms. ick.
Best Villain Group. The Kryptonian criminals from Superman II: Ursa, Non, and General "Kneel Before Me" Zod.
Best Villain Organization. The Galactic Empire. This organization demands subservience by all it's members. Act up a bit and you'll find your planet blown to smithereens.
Television
Best Villain. Lionel Luther from Smallville. What a magnificent bastard.
Best Villain Group. The Legion of Doom. I loved them on the old Superfriends show. The good news is that The Legion of Doom is being resurrected for Justice League Unlimited. w00t.
Best Villain Organization. The new Cylons. Ruthless, relentless, and devious. Their ability to infiltrate the Fleet in the guise of humans adds a new level of tension to the retelling of the Galactic narrative.
Print
Best Villain. I've always been rather fond of Ultron. Virtually indestructable, he keeps going, and going, and going. What version of Ultron are we on now, 10?
Best Villain Group. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Not the original Magneto, Toad, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch group, but the Mystique, Destiny, Pyro, Avalanche, Blob, Rogue incarnation of the 1980s. While talking a few nights back, Mike and I recalled the way in which the Brotherhood slammed Colussus. Pyro heated his organic osmium skin to white hot temperatures and Avalanche smashed him with a tanker full of liquid nitrogen. Ouch.
Best Villain Organization. Advanced Ideas Mechanics. They created Modok, for crying out loud!
RPG
Best Villain. Mike's Juggernaut clone, Earthmover. I hated that guy.
Best Villain Group. Power Syndicate - Fastback, Hummel, Chuck and Airstrike. Like Mike and Curtis before me, this group proved to be a major pain.
Best Villain Organization. Genocide. The mutant hating organization still makes my blood pressure rise.
Movies
Best Villain. Flash Gordon's arch-nemesis, Ming the Merciless. The guy watched his own daughter being tortured with bore worms. ick.
Best Villain Group. The Kryptonian criminals from Superman II: Ursa, Non, and General "Kneel Before Me" Zod.
Best Villain Organization. The Galactic Empire. This organization demands subservience by all it's members. Act up a bit and you'll find your planet blown to smithereens.
Television
Best Villain. Lionel Luther from Smallville. What a magnificent bastard.
Best Villain Group. The Legion of Doom. I loved them on the old Superfriends show. The good news is that The Legion of Doom is being resurrected for Justice League Unlimited. w00t.
Best Villain Organization. The new Cylons. Ruthless, relentless, and devious. Their ability to infiltrate the Fleet in the guise of humans adds a new level of tension to the retelling of the Galactic narrative.
Best Villain. I've always been rather fond of Ultron. Virtually indestructable, he keeps going, and going, and going. What version of Ultron are we on now, 10?
Best Villain Group. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Not the original Magneto, Toad, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch group, but the Mystique, Destiny, Pyro, Avalanche, Blob, Rogue incarnation of the 1980s. While talking a few nights back, Mike and I recalled the way in which the Brotherhood slammed Colussus. Pyro heated his organic osmium skin to white hot temperatures and Avalanche smashed him with a tanker full of liquid nitrogen. Ouch.
Best Villain Organization. Advanced Ideas Mechanics. They created Modok, for crying out loud!
RPG
Best Villain. Mike's Juggernaut clone, Earthmover. I hated that guy.
Best Villain Group. Power Syndicate - Fastback, Hummel, Chuck and Airstrike. Like Mike and Curtis before me, this group proved to be a major pain.
Best Villain Organization. Genocide. The mutant hating organization still makes my blood pressure rise.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Why I Read What I Read
This quote comes comliments of Curtis:
"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
-C.S. Lewis
"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
-C.S. Lewis
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Black Hats
Okay, here's another one of these reader-participation posts of which I am so fond. I invite not only my fellow collaborators to participate, but also any guest(s) that may stumble upon it.
Today's topic is villains. That's right, the bad guys. The enemy. The blokes in the black hats. And I'd like to hear who your favorites are.
Here's the recommended format: please provide your nominee for Best Villain (individual), Best Villain Group (small group), and Best Villainous Organization (large group). And to make it interesting, please provide nominees in each of the following four categories: Movies, Television, Print (i.e., books or comics), and Roleplaying (personal experience, if applicable).
As with previous discussions of this ilk, please give details. I look forward to what you have to say. I'm going to break tradition this time, however, and post my answers first.
Movies
Best Villain: Darth Vader
Vader gets the nod for sheer presence. Just having him around creates terror not only in his enemies, but also in his underlings. Two minutes of screen time is all it takes to know that Vader is someone not to be screwed with.
Best Villain Group: The crew of the Black Pearl(Pirates of the Caribbean)
Although they're not the brightest bunch, they're greedy, singleminded, vicious, and in general just plain nasty. And then you find out that they're also undead.
Best Villainous Organization: Nazis
The original Stormtroopers. Whether they're chasing Indiana Jones or trying to keep Allied POWs from making a Great Escape, you can't help but love to see them fail. Indy said it best: "Nazis. I hate these guys."
Television
Best Villain: Alfred Bester (Babylon 5)
He's arrogant, devious, smug, ruthless, and unfortunately, just about untouchable. You just want to smack him on sight. He's no Pavel Chekov, that's for sure.
Best Villain Group: The Hive: Brother Blood, Gizmo, Jinx, Mammoth, et. al. (Teen Titans)
It's not just that they're villains...they're also teenagers.
Best Villainous Organization: The Borg
Although their villainy was diluted quite as bit by Voyager, make no mistake. These folks are not someone you want to meet in a dark nebula. You can't negotiate with them, you can't drive them off, and you can't hold them back. You can only hope to destroy them - before they do the same to you.
Print
Best Villain: Magneto
It's not just that Magneto is obnoxiously powerful, although he certainly is that. What makes him truly dangerous that he's suave and sophisticated, and extremely persuasive. His arguments are almost enough to make you wonder if he really is the bad guy. Almost.
Best Villain Group: Slytherin House (Harry Potter)
Draco Malfoy tries to put himself across as brave and smart, but by the end of the first book you've learned that he's basically just a bully like his two lapdogs, Crabbe and Goyle. And as the series goes on, you come to find out that the rest of the house is no better. Nasty buggers, the lot of them, and racists to boot.
Best Villainous Organization: The Imperial Order (Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" series)
Violent, bloodthirsty, and rapacious, Emperor Jagang's army sweeps across whole kingdoms killing, looting, despoiling, and decimating anything and anyone in their path. But what makes them truly frightening is how much they enjoy it, relish it, savor it. They believe that they're fully justified in doing all of this, that their enemies ultimately deserve this treatment. It might not be so scary if there weren't so much of that sort of thing going on in the real world.
Roleplaying
Best Villain: Iconoclast
Derek threw this 100-foot monstrosity up against us one day, and we beat on him for most of a very long evening before we put him down. It was nasty. But even worse was that every so often, if we complained about a scenario, he'd say, "Or we could fight Iconoclast again...."
Best Villain Group: Fastback, Hummel, and 'Chuk
A SPD- and DEX-draining speedster, an armored brick, and a martial arts master, respectively. This team was Lawrence's master stroke of villainy. We'd cringe every time we saw them.
Best Villainous Organization: Tarot
This is Curtis' signature villain group with ~30 members plus agents and support staff. We hated fighting them because a) there were always a ton of them around and b) you could never tell exactly who would show up - or what they could do. One of my favorite role-playing experiences was when one of my characters underwent plastic and psychic surgery and infiltrated the group.
That's my contribution. Happy posting!
Today's topic is villains. That's right, the bad guys. The enemy. The blokes in the black hats. And I'd like to hear who your favorites are.
Here's the recommended format: please provide your nominee for Best Villain (individual), Best Villain Group (small group), and Best Villainous Organization (large group). And to make it interesting, please provide nominees in each of the following four categories: Movies, Television, Print (i.e., books or comics), and Roleplaying (personal experience, if applicable).
As with previous discussions of this ilk, please give details. I look forward to what you have to say. I'm going to break tradition this time, however, and post my answers first.
Movies
Best Villain: Darth Vader
Vader gets the nod for sheer presence. Just having him around creates terror not only in his enemies, but also in his underlings. Two minutes of screen time is all it takes to know that Vader is someone not to be screwed with.
Best Villain Group: The crew of the Black Pearl(Pirates of the Caribbean)
Although they're not the brightest bunch, they're greedy, singleminded, vicious, and in general just plain nasty. And then you find out that they're also undead.
Best Villainous Organization: Nazis
The original Stormtroopers. Whether they're chasing Indiana Jones or trying to keep Allied POWs from making a Great Escape, you can't help but love to see them fail. Indy said it best: "Nazis. I hate these guys."
Television
Best Villain: Alfred Bester (Babylon 5)
He's arrogant, devious, smug, ruthless, and unfortunately, just about untouchable. You just want to smack him on sight. He's no Pavel Chekov, that's for sure.
Best Villain Group: The Hive: Brother Blood, Gizmo, Jinx, Mammoth, et. al. (Teen Titans)
It's not just that they're villains...they're also teenagers.
Best Villainous Organization: The Borg
Although their villainy was diluted quite as bit by Voyager, make no mistake. These folks are not someone you want to meet in a dark nebula. You can't negotiate with them, you can't drive them off, and you can't hold them back. You can only hope to destroy them - before they do the same to you.
Best Villain: Magneto
It's not just that Magneto is obnoxiously powerful, although he certainly is that. What makes him truly dangerous that he's suave and sophisticated, and extremely persuasive. His arguments are almost enough to make you wonder if he really is the bad guy. Almost.
Best Villain Group: Slytherin House (Harry Potter)
Draco Malfoy tries to put himself across as brave and smart, but by the end of the first book you've learned that he's basically just a bully like his two lapdogs, Crabbe and Goyle. And as the series goes on, you come to find out that the rest of the house is no better. Nasty buggers, the lot of them, and racists to boot.
Best Villainous Organization: The Imperial Order (Terry Goodkind's "Sword of Truth" series)
Violent, bloodthirsty, and rapacious, Emperor Jagang's army sweeps across whole kingdoms killing, looting, despoiling, and decimating anything and anyone in their path. But what makes them truly frightening is how much they enjoy it, relish it, savor it. They believe that they're fully justified in doing all of this, that their enemies ultimately deserve this treatment. It might not be so scary if there weren't so much of that sort of thing going on in the real world.
Roleplaying
Best Villain: Iconoclast
Derek threw this 100-foot monstrosity up against us one day, and we beat on him for most of a very long evening before we put him down. It was nasty. But even worse was that every so often, if we complained about a scenario, he'd say, "Or we could fight Iconoclast again...."
Best Villain Group: Fastback, Hummel, and 'Chuk
A SPD- and DEX-draining speedster, an armored brick, and a martial arts master, respectively. This team was Lawrence's master stroke of villainy. We'd cringe every time we saw them.
Best Villainous Organization: Tarot
This is Curtis' signature villain group with ~30 members plus agents and support staff. We hated fighting them because a) there were always a ton of them around and b) you could never tell exactly who would show up - or what they could do. One of my favorite role-playing experiences was when one of my characters underwent plastic and psychic surgery and infiltrated the group.
That's my contribution. Happy posting!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Movie Quotes
The American Film Institute recently released its list of the 100 Greatest Movie Quotes of All Time. I thought the fantasy and science fiction genres were quite underrepresented on the list, so I've put together one of my own. Enjoy.
Yoda: Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. (Return of the Jedi)
Han Solo: Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
Princess Leia: I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.
Han Solo: I can arrange that! (The Empire Strikes Back)
Yoda: No. Try not. Do...or do not. There is no try. (The Empire Strikes Back)
Everyone: I have a bad feeling about this.... (Star Wars I-VI)
Indiana: I don't know, I'm making this up as I go. (Raiders of the Lost Ark)
Professor Henry Jones: Well, I'm as human as the next man.
Indiana Jones: Dad, I *was* the next man. (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
Alex Rogan: So...how many Starfighters are left?
Grig: Including you? One. (The Last Starfighter)
Gaff: It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does? (Blade Runner)
Roy Batty: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. (Blade Runner)
Ash: All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up! (Army of Darkness)
Jack Burton: Hey, I'm a reasonable guy. But I've just experienced some very unreasonable things. (Big Trouble in Little China)
Jack Burton: Now I'm not saying that I've been everywhere and I've done everything, but I do know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're alone in THIS universe. (Big Trouble in Little China)
Dr. Gillian Taylor: Don't tell me, you're from outer space.
Kirk: No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space. (Star Trek IV)
Fred Kwan: That was a hell of a thing. (Galaxy Quest)
Jack Sparrow: Anamaria.
[Anamaria slaps Jack]
Will Turner: I suppose, you didn't deserve that one either?
Jack Sparrow: No, that one I deserved. (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl)
Edna: No capes! (The Incredibles)
Julius Levinson: All you need is love. John Lennon said that. Smart man, shot in the back. Very sad. (Independence Day)
The Shoveller: We've got a blind date with Destiny - and it looks like she's ordered the lobster. (Mystery Men)
The Sphinx: You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums. (Mystery Men)
The Invisible Man: Well, hello to you, too. And need I remind you, I am naked in the snow. I can't feel any of my extremities. And I mean...any of them. (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen)
Wolverine: You actually go outside in these things?
Cyclops: Well, what would you prefer? Yellow spandex? (X-Men)
Wolverine: You're so full of $#!%. If you were really so righteous, it'd be you up in that thing, not her. (X-Men)
Professor X: My tolerance for your smoking in the mansion notwithstanding, if you continue to smoke in here, you'll spend the rest of your life believing you are a six year old girl.
Wolverine: You can do that?
Professor X: I'd have Jean braid your hair. (X2)
Bruce Banner: But you know what scares me the most? When I can't fight it anymore, when it takes over, when I totally lose control...I like it. (Hulk)
Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live. (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)
Dumbledore: And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death. (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)
Esteban: A little clumsy, are you not, my friend?
Zorro: To be your friend I would have to be more than clumsy. I would have to be stupid. (Zorro, the Gay Blade)
Westley: This is true love - you think this happens every day? (The Princess Bride)
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while. (The Princess Bride)
Yoda: Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. (Return of the Jedi)
Han Solo: Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?
Princess Leia: I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie.
Han Solo: I can arrange that! (The Empire Strikes Back)
Yoda: No. Try not. Do...or do not. There is no try. (The Empire Strikes Back)
Everyone: I have a bad feeling about this.... (Star Wars I-VI)
Indiana: I don't know, I'm making this up as I go. (Raiders of the Lost Ark)
Professor Henry Jones: Well, I'm as human as the next man.
Indiana Jones: Dad, I *was* the next man. (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
Alex Rogan: So...how many Starfighters are left?
Grig: Including you? One. (The Last Starfighter)
Gaff: It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does? (Blade Runner)
Roy Batty: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. (Blade Runner)
Ash: All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up! (Army of Darkness)
Jack Burton: Hey, I'm a reasonable guy. But I've just experienced some very unreasonable things. (Big Trouble in Little China)
Jack Burton: Now I'm not saying that I've been everywhere and I've done everything, but I do know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're alone in THIS universe. (Big Trouble in Little China)
Dr. Gillian Taylor: Don't tell me, you're from outer space.
Kirk: No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space. (Star Trek IV)
Fred Kwan: That was a hell of a thing. (Galaxy Quest)
Jack Sparrow: Anamaria.
[Anamaria slaps Jack]
Will Turner: I suppose, you didn't deserve that one either?
Jack Sparrow: No, that one I deserved. (Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl)
Edna: No capes! (The Incredibles)
Julius Levinson: All you need is love. John Lennon said that. Smart man, shot in the back. Very sad. (Independence Day)
The Shoveller: We've got a blind date with Destiny - and it looks like she's ordered the lobster. (Mystery Men)
The Sphinx: You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums. (Mystery Men)
The Invisible Man: Well, hello to you, too. And need I remind you, I am naked in the snow. I can't feel any of my extremities. And I mean...any of them. (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen)
Wolverine: You actually go outside in these things?
Cyclops: Well, what would you prefer? Yellow spandex? (X-Men)
Wolverine: You're so full of $#!%. If you were really so righteous, it'd be you up in that thing, not her. (X-Men)
Professor X: My tolerance for your smoking in the mansion notwithstanding, if you continue to smoke in here, you'll spend the rest of your life believing you are a six year old girl.
Wolverine: You can do that?
Professor X: I'd have Jean braid your hair. (X2)
Bruce Banner: But you know what scares me the most? When I can't fight it anymore, when it takes over, when I totally lose control...I like it. (Hulk)
Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live. (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)
Dumbledore: And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death. (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)
Esteban: A little clumsy, are you not, my friend?
Zorro: To be your friend I would have to be more than clumsy. I would have to be stupid. (Zorro, the Gay Blade)
Westley: This is true love - you think this happens every day? (The Princess Bride)
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while. (The Princess Bride)
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Video Fun
We have an independent video shop (i.e., not Blockbuster or Hollywood Video) down the street from my house. They have a marquee board out front that you can see from the street. On one side they advertise monthly specials and that sort of thing. On the other side, they offer free rentals based on your name: "Free rental if your name is Tony" and that sort of thing.
Well, they've had a couple of good ones recently. About a month ago, they had this one:
"Free rental if your name is Luke or Leah".
Then, a couple of weeks ago it read:
"Free rental if your name is Bruce or Wayne".
I thought this was pretty funny, and I hope they continue the trend. I hope to see one like this soon:
"Free rental if your name is Reed or Richard".
Or maybe:
"Free rental if your name is Ben, Sue, or Johnny".
Local businesses are fantastic!
Well, they've had a couple of good ones recently. About a month ago, they had this one:
"Free rental if your name is Luke or Leah".
Then, a couple of weeks ago it read:
"Free rental if your name is Bruce or Wayne".
I thought this was pretty funny, and I hope they continue the trend. I hope to see one like this soon:
"Free rental if your name is Reed or Richard".
Or maybe:
"Free rental if your name is Ben, Sue, or Johnny".
Local businesses are fantastic!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Comic Update
Like Curtis, I’ve become increasingly dismayed with the quality of what passes as recent comic book fare. Of the comics I read regularly, there are few that evoke much in the way of excitement. Here’s my current reading list and a few thoughts.
Marvel Comics
I’m not sure what’s going on at Marvel, but most of the titles I read are pure drivel.
Avengers. Curtis summed this up nicely. The new Avengers have very little appeal. Bring back the old guard. Leave Wolverine in the X-titles, please.
Iron Man. Since the relaunch almost a year ago, only three issues have been published. The truth of the matter is that nobody really knows when the next issue will be released. A regular monthly title that publishes every two, three or four months has definite problems. Oh, and the storyline is mediocre at best. Don’t even get me started on Orson Scott Card’s Ultimate Iron Man. Absolute crap.
Thunderbolts. A decent title. I like the whole supervillains searching for redemption theme of this book. Taking second string players--e.g. Radioactive Man, The Beetle, SpeedDemon, Blizzard, Atlas--and breathing life into their stale characterizations works for me. It also helps that Kurt Busiek, one of my favorite comic writers, is involved with this title.
The Young Avengers. The YA show some promise. Let’s hope the Marvel powers-that-be don’t screw it up.
DC Comics
While I’m generally more pleased with my DC titles, I’m still not thrilled.
Green Lantern. What can I say about what was once my favorite title? Not a whole lot, I’m afraid. Unlike Curtis, I’m not thrilled with the return of Hal Jordan. In fact, I think Hal’s return is indicative of the unimaginative state of comic book writing. Yet another fallen hero back from the dead? ::sighs:: Been there, done that. I loved reading the Silver Age adventures of Hal Jordan. I also liked his fall from grace during Emerald Twilight. Real heroes are flawed individuals; they make mistakes, sometimes tragic ones. Hal’s return is nothing more than a big cop out, a do over. As a long-time GL fan, I’ll continue to read the comic but find myself ambivalent about the current direction. I’m far more excited about Green Lantern Corps: Recharge, which features Kyle Rayner, Guy Gardner, and Kilowog, then the flagship title.
JLA. The recent Crime Syndicate story arc was very mediocre. The cross universe storylines don’t do much for me.
JSA. I’ve been indifferent toward this title for several months. The only reason I continue to read it is Alan Scott, the original Green Lantern. If you aren’t intimately familiar with the long and storied history of the Justice Society of America, a group that’s been around since the 1940s, you’ll miss much of what’s going on. Sadly, I’m not up-to-date on the 60 year history of this group. Still, there's enough good writing to maintain my interest.
The Outsiders. The current battle with Brainiac/Lex Luthor plot is good, traditional comic fare.
Teen Titans. Always fun. The Dr. Light story arc was terrific. I’ve always liked the whole superkids in training gig (the original New Mutants was one of my favorite comics). Rob Liefeld is doing the art for a couple upcoming issues. As one message board poster stated: it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues.
Dark Horse
All the Star Wars comics remain some of my most anticipated reads of the month. I’m looking forward to the post-Revenge of the Sith stories in Star Wars: Republic.
Marvel Comics
I’m not sure what’s going on at Marvel, but most of the titles I read are pure drivel.
Avengers. Curtis summed this up nicely. The new Avengers have very little appeal. Bring back the old guard. Leave Wolverine in the X-titles, please.
Iron Man. Since the relaunch almost a year ago, only three issues have been published. The truth of the matter is that nobody really knows when the next issue will be released. A regular monthly title that publishes every two, three or four months has definite problems. Oh, and the storyline is mediocre at best. Don’t even get me started on Orson Scott Card’s Ultimate Iron Man. Absolute crap.
Thunderbolts. A decent title. I like the whole supervillains searching for redemption theme of this book. Taking second string players--e.g. Radioactive Man, The Beetle, SpeedDemon, Blizzard, Atlas--and breathing life into their stale characterizations works for me. It also helps that Kurt Busiek, one of my favorite comic writers, is involved with this title.
The Young Avengers. The YA show some promise. Let’s hope the Marvel powers-that-be don’t screw it up.
DC Comics
While I’m generally more pleased with my DC titles, I’m still not thrilled.
Green Lantern. What can I say about what was once my favorite title? Not a whole lot, I’m afraid. Unlike Curtis, I’m not thrilled with the return of Hal Jordan. In fact, I think Hal’s return is indicative of the unimaginative state of comic book writing. Yet another fallen hero back from the dead? ::sighs:: Been there, done that. I loved reading the Silver Age adventures of Hal Jordan. I also liked his fall from grace during Emerald Twilight. Real heroes are flawed individuals; they make mistakes, sometimes tragic ones. Hal’s return is nothing more than a big cop out, a do over. As a long-time GL fan, I’ll continue to read the comic but find myself ambivalent about the current direction. I’m far more excited about Green Lantern Corps: Recharge, which features Kyle Rayner, Guy Gardner, and Kilowog, then the flagship title.
JLA. The recent Crime Syndicate story arc was very mediocre. The cross universe storylines don’t do much for me.
JSA. I’ve been indifferent toward this title for several months. The only reason I continue to read it is Alan Scott, the original Green Lantern. If you aren’t intimately familiar with the long and storied history of the Justice Society of America, a group that’s been around since the 1940s, you’ll miss much of what’s going on. Sadly, I’m not up-to-date on the 60 year history of this group. Still, there's enough good writing to maintain my interest.
The Outsiders. The current battle with Brainiac/Lex Luthor plot is good, traditional comic fare.
Teen Titans. Always fun. The Dr. Light story arc was terrific. I’ve always liked the whole superkids in training gig (the original New Mutants was one of my favorite comics). Rob Liefeld is doing the art for a couple upcoming issues. As one message board poster stated: it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues. it’s only two issues.
Dark Horse
All the Star Wars comics remain some of my most anticipated reads of the month. I’m looking forward to the post-Revenge of the Sith stories in Star Wars: Republic.
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