Okay, this is freakin funny in a very geeky kind of way.
Long live beards!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Don't Panic!
Michael sent me this geekrific inspirational poster via email and I had to share it with the occasional readers of Army of Dorkness.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Dead Like Me on SciFi
Dead Like Me is starting a run on the Sci Fi channel. I just finished watching the first two seasons (and the only two season--stupid Showtime) on DVD. Give it shot. The premise is unique and, unlike many science fiction and fantasy offerings, focuses almost entirely on character development. Did I mention the show also happens to touch on things like family, destiny/fate, the afterlife, human nature, and loads of other deep philosophical ideas? Great stuff. Really. I can't give it a higher recommendation.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Bumper Sticker of the Day
My gamer fragged your honor student.
Seen on Redwood Road, Salt Lake City, UT.
Seen on Redwood Road, Salt Lake City, UT.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Regarding Superman Returns
From a recent message board thread regarding Superman Returns:
"Why couldn't they just wait another twenty years and let Kal-El Cage play Superman?"
Classic.
This film is by far my most anticipated film of the summer. I can't wait to see Singer's take on the iconic hero. Please don't let me down.
"Why couldn't they just wait another twenty years and let Kal-El Cage play Superman?"
Classic.
This film is by far my most anticipated film of the summer. I can't wait to see Singer's take on the iconic hero. Please don't let me down.
Friday, June 16, 2006
That's Using Your Head!
In this weeks' action with the OGC, our heroes (Wild Card, Sift, and Rham Dhapp) tried to keep VIPER from kidnapping their teammate, Gate. The cyborg VIPER leader, when finding himself facing heroic opposition, immediately called for reinforcements.
Enter the VIPER Vehicle Specialists. Half a dozen or so agents zoomed in on motorcycles wielding shock batons. One drove past Rham Dhapp, who dodged the attack and then smacked the agent in the back of the head with a baton he'd confiscated from another agent. The stunned VIPER agent lost control of the bike and crashed into a parked car. Fortunately, he wasn't seriously injured because he was wearing a helmet.
In other words, the VIPER agents were smarter than Super Bowl-winning quarterback Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Way to go, Ben.
Enter the VIPER Vehicle Specialists. Half a dozen or so agents zoomed in on motorcycles wielding shock batons. One drove past Rham Dhapp, who dodged the attack and then smacked the agent in the back of the head with a baton he'd confiscated from another agent. The stunned VIPER agent lost control of the bike and crashed into a parked car. Fortunately, he wasn't seriously injured because he was wearing a helmet.
In other words, the VIPER agents were smarter than Super Bowl-winning quarterback Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Way to go, Ben.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
X-Franchise: Definitely Not Dead Yet
Since we seem to be on an X3 binge the last couple weeks, I've been meaning to post the following tidbit of information. Those involved with X3 admit there's more X-fare in the pipeline. The topic of another movie slipped out during a discussion of Gambit's absence from the first three X-films.
Let me stop and process that for a second. Gambit's absence from the first three films? Gambit? Gambit, the ragin cajun whose mutant power is the ability to deliver a kinetic blast via throwable items (namely playing cards)? That someone would even ask about Gambit's absence from the films, and the fact that one of the authors of the script even considered involving Gambit, speaks volumes regarding the generation of X-fans targeted by the movie industry. They're certainly not catering to the old schoolers like myself. And that's the reason why I'm starting to lose interest in the franchise. I want to see Cyclops, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Kitty, Storm, Wolverine, Rogue, Ice Man, Beast, and Jean emerge as one the premiere super teams on the planet Earth. These are the X-men, with a few other occasional guest stints by folks like Havok, Polaris, Banshee, and Sunfire, who I came to know and love. I want to see them engage the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, the Hellfire Club, the Sentinels (what a lame reference to the Sentinels in X3), the Brood, Belasco, and any other number of interesting antagonists. I want to see them engage emotionally, to create friendships, to develop dislikes for one another, to set differences aside when everything is on the line. I realize adjustments need to be made to the original storyline(s) in order to resonate with contemporary audiences. I'm down with that--the first two X-flicks did just fine in that department.
The fact that Gambit is going to appear in future X-incarnations tells me the franchise is headed in the Age of Apocalypse direction, a storyline that resulted in me dropping the X-men as a regular comic. With the exception of Astonishing X-men, written by Josh Whedon, I haven't returned to the X-realm in 11 years. Gambit didn't interest me when he appeared 15 years ago and he doesn't interest me now. Gambit's appearance marks a shift away from the X-men as a morality play with likable, yet flawed, characters. The X-men of Claremont's run were interesting and complex people who found themselves thrust into extraordinary events. Some of my favorite comics from that era focused on the X-men hanging around the mansion between intergalactic travels or terrestrial battles to save the Earth. The Gambit era toward the end of Claremont's run, on the other hand, marked a shift toward style over substance. Comics became more about slick new characters with flashy powers, not the humanness of said characters. Ultimately, I suppose that's my issue with X3. Considering the gravity of the story, I didn't feel much emotionally ::shrugs:: And that's exactly what a feel when I hear Gambit is likely to make an appearance: nothin', mon cheri.
Let me stop and process that for a second. Gambit's absence from the first three films? Gambit? Gambit, the ragin cajun whose mutant power is the ability to deliver a kinetic blast via throwable items (namely playing cards)? That someone would even ask about Gambit's absence from the films, and the fact that one of the authors of the script even considered involving Gambit, speaks volumes regarding the generation of X-fans targeted by the movie industry. They're certainly not catering to the old schoolers like myself. And that's the reason why I'm starting to lose interest in the franchise. I want to see Cyclops, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Kitty, Storm, Wolverine, Rogue, Ice Man, Beast, and Jean emerge as one the premiere super teams on the planet Earth. These are the X-men, with a few other occasional guest stints by folks like Havok, Polaris, Banshee, and Sunfire, who I came to know and love. I want to see them engage the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, the Hellfire Club, the Sentinels (what a lame reference to the Sentinels in X3), the Brood, Belasco, and any other number of interesting antagonists. I want to see them engage emotionally, to create friendships, to develop dislikes for one another, to set differences aside when everything is on the line. I realize adjustments need to be made to the original storyline(s) in order to resonate with contemporary audiences. I'm down with that--the first two X-flicks did just fine in that department.
The fact that Gambit is going to appear in future X-incarnations tells me the franchise is headed in the Age of Apocalypse direction, a storyline that resulted in me dropping the X-men as a regular comic. With the exception of Astonishing X-men, written by Josh Whedon, I haven't returned to the X-realm in 11 years. Gambit didn't interest me when he appeared 15 years ago and he doesn't interest me now. Gambit's appearance marks a shift away from the X-men as a morality play with likable, yet flawed, characters. The X-men of Claremont's run were interesting and complex people who found themselves thrust into extraordinary events. Some of my favorite comics from that era focused on the X-men hanging around the mansion between intergalactic travels or terrestrial battles to save the Earth. The Gambit era toward the end of Claremont's run, on the other hand, marked a shift toward style over substance. Comics became more about slick new characters with flashy powers, not the humanness of said characters. Ultimately, I suppose that's my issue with X3. Considering the gravity of the story, I didn't feel much emotionally ::shrugs:: And that's exactly what a feel when I hear Gambit is likely to make an appearance: nothin', mon cheri.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Not Dead Yet
By all accounts, X3 should mark the end of the X-Men movie franchise. We've had our little war, the bad guys have been defeated, and a degree of peace has been established between mutants and the rest of humanity. And although there have been terrible losses, we have our happily-ever-after ending.
Don't count on it.
An old friend of mine was fond of saying, "If it works, you have to beat it into the ground. That's how they think in Hollywood." So even though X3 provides a pretty good stopping point for the series, the revenues tell a different story.
The largest Memorial Day opening ever? You can't ignore numbers like that. X4 is an inevitability. Write it down.
Now, if anything even remotely resembling the first three X-Movies is going to work, I figure that most or all of the following have to happen:
1. Charles isn't really dead.
2. Magneto hasn't really lost his powers.
3. Jean isn't really dead.
4. Scott isn't really dead.
None of which is really a problem to someone sufficiently creative(or someone with sufficient financial motivation). Observe:
1. Charles isn't really dead.
If you stuck around to watch all the credits, you already know how this works. Jean may have atomized the good professor's body, but his mind lives on in incorporeal form, looking for an uninhabited body. Conveniently enough, there happens to be just such a body in Moira McTaggert's lab in Scotland.† Problem solved.
2. Magneto hasn't really lost his powers.
This one's already been taken care of, too. At the end of the movie, Eric moves a metal chess piece in the park. Okay, so it's not the Golden Gate Bridge, but even though the 'cure' was supposed to suppress all mutant abilities permanently, it appears that Magneto was so powerful that even the four doses of the 'cure' that the Beast hit him with (or was it five?) didn't quite destroy his powers. With time and practice—and Experience Points—Maggie will be back to his usual charming self before you know it. Check.
3. Jean isn't really dead.
Okay, she really is dead ... but it wasn't really Jean. It was actually ... wait, wait, don't tell me ... a phenomenally powerful cosmic entity who saw Jean trying to save the X-Men, was moved by her courage and compassion, and saved her life by placing her in healing stasis at the bottom of Alkali Lake while it took on Jean's physical form, fought in her place alongside the X-Men, and ultimately died heroically and/or tragically.‡ Bingo.
4. Scott isn't really dead.
This is the easiest one to fix, because Scott's really not dead. How do we know this? Because we never saw his body. For the newbies, the First Rule of Comic Books is: If you don't see a body, he's not dead! He may be in Acapulco. He may be a deranged amnesiac. He may have even lost his powers. But he's not dead. Count on it. The fact is that the only evidence we have that Scott might be dead is Jean's own confession—and given her state of mind at the time, she's not exactly what I'd call a reliable eyewitness. Quad erat demonstrandum.
So, to those of us who are longtime fans of the superhero genre, none of this is much of a stretch. It's all pretty standard stuff, really. But to the general public, it might be a bit much to swallow, and the movie could flop. X4 might only make $100 million on opening weekend. Tragic.
Hey, if (when) the powers-that-be do eventually decide to make X4 (and beyond...?), here's something really radical they could try: an original story! After all the different storylines that've been botched in the past two movies, how about something that doesn't try to borrow from every single major story arc from the last twenty years? These characters are interesting enough to carry a movie on their own merits, and a good scriptwriter could do amazing things with them. Write a script that tells a meaningful story about the characters, and you'll have a good—and ultimtely successful—movie.§
'Nuff said, bub.
--
†The problem here is finding someone to play the Professor. Even with his psyche intact, he'll look completely different. So we'll probably have to have Patrick Stewart's voice dubbed over someone else's actions, kind of like James Earl Jones as Darth Vader. But who to play Xavier's new body...? Maybe Jonathan Frakes is available.
‡In other words, the 'original' Jean Grey/Phoenix Force storyline—one of the very stupidest rewrites in the history of a genre rife with stupid rewrites. (In my humble opinion.)
§ Maybe they could get someone like Joss Whedon or J. Michael Straczynski to write the script for X4. Better yet, send Derek, me, and the OGC a few hundred thousand dollars, and we'll write it.
Don't count on it.
An old friend of mine was fond of saying, "If it works, you have to beat it into the ground. That's how they think in Hollywood." So even though X3 provides a pretty good stopping point for the series, the revenues tell a different story.
The largest Memorial Day opening ever? You can't ignore numbers like that. X4 is an inevitability. Write it down.
Now, if anything even remotely resembling the first three X-Movies is going to work, I figure that most or all of the following have to happen:
1. Charles isn't really dead.
2. Magneto hasn't really lost his powers.
3. Jean isn't really dead.
4. Scott isn't really dead.
None of which is really a problem to someone sufficiently creative(or someone with sufficient financial motivation). Observe:
1. Charles isn't really dead.
If you stuck around to watch all the credits, you already know how this works. Jean may have atomized the good professor's body, but his mind lives on in incorporeal form, looking for an uninhabited body. Conveniently enough, there happens to be just such a body in Moira McTaggert's lab in Scotland.† Problem solved.
2. Magneto hasn't really lost his powers.
This one's already been taken care of, too. At the end of the movie, Eric moves a metal chess piece in the park. Okay, so it's not the Golden Gate Bridge, but even though the 'cure' was supposed to suppress all mutant abilities permanently, it appears that Magneto was so powerful that even the four doses of the 'cure' that the Beast hit him with (or was it five?) didn't quite destroy his powers. With time and practice—and Experience Points—Maggie will be back to his usual charming self before you know it. Check.
3. Jean isn't really dead.
Okay, she really is dead ... but it wasn't really Jean. It was actually ... wait, wait, don't tell me ... a phenomenally powerful cosmic entity who saw Jean trying to save the X-Men, was moved by her courage and compassion, and saved her life by placing her in healing stasis at the bottom of Alkali Lake while it took on Jean's physical form, fought in her place alongside the X-Men, and ultimately died heroically and/or tragically.‡ Bingo.
4. Scott isn't really dead.
This is the easiest one to fix, because Scott's really not dead. How do we know this? Because we never saw his body. For the newbies, the First Rule of Comic Books is: If you don't see a body, he's not dead! He may be in Acapulco. He may be a deranged amnesiac. He may have even lost his powers. But he's not dead. Count on it. The fact is that the only evidence we have that Scott might be dead is Jean's own confession—and given her state of mind at the time, she's not exactly what I'd call a reliable eyewitness. Quad erat demonstrandum.
So, to those of us who are longtime fans of the superhero genre, none of this is much of a stretch. It's all pretty standard stuff, really. But to the general public, it might be a bit much to swallow, and the movie could flop. X4 might only make $100 million on opening weekend. Tragic.
Hey, if (when) the powers-that-be do eventually decide to make X4 (and beyond...?), here's something really radical they could try: an original story! After all the different storylines that've been botched in the past two movies, how about something that doesn't try to borrow from every single major story arc from the last twenty years? These characters are interesting enough to carry a movie on their own merits, and a good scriptwriter could do amazing things with them. Write a script that tells a meaningful story about the characters, and you'll have a good—and ultimtely successful—movie.§
'Nuff said, bub.
--
†The problem here is finding someone to play the Professor. Even with his psyche intact, he'll look completely different. So we'll probably have to have Patrick Stewart's voice dubbed over someone else's actions, kind of like James Earl Jones as Darth Vader. But who to play Xavier's new body...? Maybe Jonathan Frakes is available.
‡In other words, the 'original' Jean Grey/Phoenix Force storyline—one of the very stupidest rewrites in the history of a genre rife with stupid rewrites. (In my humble opinion.)
§ Maybe they could get someone like Joss Whedon or J. Michael Straczynski to write the script for X4. Better yet, send Derek, me, and the OGC a few hundred thousand dollars, and we'll write it.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
I'm the Juggernaut, B*tch!
Did anyone else catch the reference to the Dave Chappelle show in X3? Lamest part of the movie, period. The original Chappelle joke isn't all that funny and is, by far, the most overused/referenced joke ever. In light of the ultimate lameness of the dated joke, I offer the following.
I'm the Juggernaut!
Now, that's the Juggernaut, b*tch.
I'm the Juggernaut!
Now, that's the Juggernaut, b*tch.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
X3: Let's Hope This is Really the Last Stand
While I generally agree with the majority of Michael's sentiments about X3, my final grade comes in a bit lower: C-. As Michael suggested, the movie was entertaining summer blockbuster fare. However, I couldn't get past some of the significant changes to X-canon. My inner geek wouldn't stop saying, "That's not how it's supposed to happen." The changes in X1 & X2, all handled much more deftly, didn't set off the geek red alert; the klaxon blared all the way through X3. Here are a few of the changes that REALLY irritated me.
First, how many freakin X-plotlines do writers need to mash together? Do we really need to see the Dark Phoenix Saga, the Mutant Massacre, the mutant cure, Days of Future Past, and I don't know how many freakin other plots rolled into one movie? Smashing all these plots stuck in my craw more than anything else. The Dark Phoenix Saga is one of my favorite comic book stories of all time. This movie totally blew it. Jean kills Scott seconds after her rebirth? WTF? The final moment between Scott and Jean in Uncanny Xmen 137 is one of the only times I've shed a tear while reading a comic. Pathetic execution. Don't even get me started on the death of Professor X. What was the point with that scene?
Second, why was there NO mention of the Phoenix Force whatsoever? Dark Phoenix was not Darth Jean; Dark Phoenix was an interstellar cosmic lifeforce doppelganger of Jean Grey pushed to the brink of insanity by the villanous mutant, Mastermind (part of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants and the Hellfire Club, I believe). Jean's psychic imprint, fused with the Phoenix Force, battled the cosmic entity for control of the doppelganger.* Why couldn't this have been the main focus of this film? Call me a comic book geek, but I think this version of the Dark Phoenix story would have been far more compelling than the crapfest showing on the big screen. Tweak the plot a bit, have Jean using her newfound powers in some ethically questionable ways (do the ends justify the means kind of thing), a clash or two with Magneto & the Brotherhood, the X-men are ultimately forced to confront Jean (a battle with Xavier in the psionic realm, a physical confrontation with the others, etc). Scott lives, Xavier lives, and all the X-men must deal with Jean's eventual suicide (sorry if I spoiled the basic plot to Uncanny X-men 137). This could have been a beautiful film about ethics, the means by which we should address hatred, self-sacrifice, etc. Instead, we get multiple personality Jean joining forces with Magneto and the Brotherhood of Whimpy Mutants. A similar rewrite of the Mutant Massacre plotline could also result in an engaging film. Pick one plot and develop it, please. I like stories and characters with depth.
Third, the lameness that was the Juggernaut: "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch?" Dave Chappel does the X-men? Ugh. Juggernaut's powers were the result of magic, not the mutant x-gene. Save him for a future movie or don't use him at all. While I liked the race between Kitty and Juggernaut, I couldn't stand the way she stopped him.
Fourth, have I mentioned the lame demise of Cyclops? How about Professor X? Senseless. Senseless. Senseless. When characters die just to enhance the threat factor of the big bad, you have a case of bad writing (or two cases of bad writing). Deaths should be meaningful, not meaningless.
Fifth, what was with the combined Callisto/Caliban/Quicksilver character?
I could go on and on with the little things about this film that irked me (how about that lame Sentinal sequence, eh?), but I'll stop here. Although I disliked all the unecessary deviations from canon, the film was an entertaining way to spend a Wednesday afternoon.
*At the time, none of us knew the reborn Jean Grey was a duplicate. We all assumed the Phoenix Force possessed Jean's orginal body.
First, how many freakin X-plotlines do writers need to mash together? Do we really need to see the Dark Phoenix Saga, the Mutant Massacre, the mutant cure, Days of Future Past, and I don't know how many freakin other plots rolled into one movie? Smashing all these plots stuck in my craw more than anything else. The Dark Phoenix Saga is one of my favorite comic book stories of all time. This movie totally blew it. Jean kills Scott seconds after her rebirth? WTF? The final moment between Scott and Jean in Uncanny Xmen 137 is one of the only times I've shed a tear while reading a comic. Pathetic execution. Don't even get me started on the death of Professor X. What was the point with that scene?
Second, why was there NO mention of the Phoenix Force whatsoever? Dark Phoenix was not Darth Jean; Dark Phoenix was an interstellar cosmic lifeforce doppelganger of Jean Grey pushed to the brink of insanity by the villanous mutant, Mastermind (part of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants and the Hellfire Club, I believe). Jean's psychic imprint, fused with the Phoenix Force, battled the cosmic entity for control of the doppelganger.* Why couldn't this have been the main focus of this film? Call me a comic book geek, but I think this version of the Dark Phoenix story would have been far more compelling than the crapfest showing on the big screen. Tweak the plot a bit, have Jean using her newfound powers in some ethically questionable ways (do the ends justify the means kind of thing), a clash or two with Magneto & the Brotherhood, the X-men are ultimately forced to confront Jean (a battle with Xavier in the psionic realm, a physical confrontation with the others, etc). Scott lives, Xavier lives, and all the X-men must deal with Jean's eventual suicide (sorry if I spoiled the basic plot to Uncanny X-men 137). This could have been a beautiful film about ethics, the means by which we should address hatred, self-sacrifice, etc. Instead, we get multiple personality Jean joining forces with Magneto and the Brotherhood of Whimpy Mutants. A similar rewrite of the Mutant Massacre plotline could also result in an engaging film. Pick one plot and develop it, please. I like stories and characters with depth.
Third, the lameness that was the Juggernaut: "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch?" Dave Chappel does the X-men? Ugh. Juggernaut's powers were the result of magic, not the mutant x-gene. Save him for a future movie or don't use him at all. While I liked the race between Kitty and Juggernaut, I couldn't stand the way she stopped him.
Fourth, have I mentioned the lame demise of Cyclops? How about Professor X? Senseless. Senseless. Senseless. When characters die just to enhance the threat factor of the big bad, you have a case of bad writing (or two cases of bad writing). Deaths should be meaningful, not meaningless.
Fifth, what was with the combined Callisto/Caliban/Quicksilver character?
I could go on and on with the little things about this film that irked me (how about that lame Sentinal sequence, eh?), but I'll stop here. Although I disliked all the unecessary deviations from canon, the film was an entertaining way to spend a Wednesday afternoon.
*At the time, none of us knew the reborn Jean Grey was a duplicate. We all assumed the Phoenix Force possessed Jean's orginal body.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
X3
Warning!
This post contains spoilers about X-Men: The Last Stand. If you haven't seen X3 yet, don't read this post!
(Of course, if you haven't seen X3 yet, it's a wonder you're reading this blog at all....)
Yes, I was one of the millions who saw X-Men: The Last Stand over the weekend. Although I didn't like it quite as well as the first two movies, it was generally satisfactory. Here are my impressions.
The Good
* The Iceman/Pyro fight. The effects here were decent, and it was great to see Bobby all iced up. The closing dialogue was great, too. Pyro: "You should have stayed in the school." Iceman: [after taking Pyro out with a head-butt] "You never should have left."
* Beast. When I first heard they were casting Kelsey Grammer in the roll, I had my doubts. I was wrong. He was perfect. The voice, the attitude, the intonation, the "Oh my stars and garters" were all perfect. Whenever I read X-Men from now on, I'll probably hear Frasier's voice for Beast.
* Mystique's revenge. After being Magneto's right-hand woman (and lover?), he casts her away when she loses her powers. Big mistake. This woman is not someone to have as an enemy, no matter who you are.
* Kitty. I love the way she took out Juggernaut. Classic.
* The Fastball Special. "Hey, Tin Man, how's your throwing arm?"
* Magneto. For the first time, we really see him as a villain. Yes, he's been annoying and arrogant before, but here we get to see him for what he really is: a racist and a ruthless b@stard.
The Bad
* The effects. Too much of the CGI looked like CGI: the bouncing blue Beast, Jean's vaporization effect (especially in the big fight), and so on. Per a conversation in the gaming group last week, there's no excuse for poor CGI in a big-budget movie anymore.
* The death of Charles Xavier. Sure, his "I want you to take over the school someday" speech to Storm was a fair bit of foreshadowing. But to have him die so early in the movie felt anticlimactic. I suppose the plot required his early demise, but I'd have liked to see more of him.
* The death of Scott Summers. Leader of the X-Men, Charles Xavier's prize pupil and chosen successor, he doesn't even rate an on-screen death. At least it's consistent with the comics: nobody gets screwed by his writers quite like Cyclops.
* Jean's descent into madness. We didn't get to see enough of what made her evil: the battle within between her humanity and her lust for power. A few moments inside Jean's mind and/or a well-placed mental flashback or two would have made a world of difference.
The Ugly
* Jean's appearance. Granted, the makeup people did a good job of making Jean look creepy. But the Phoenix is supposed to be a creature of great passion - great joy and great rage. But she didn't look passionate in most of her scenes. She looked constipated.
Overall, I give this movie a B-. The plot wasn't as deep and the dialogue seemed forced much of the time, but there were also a lot of bits in there that kept the movie true to the franchise. In general, it was entertaining. I'll undoubtedly buy it, probably later this year when the three-movie box set comes out.
This post contains spoilers about X-Men: The Last Stand. If you haven't seen X3 yet, don't read this post!
(Of course, if you haven't seen X3 yet, it's a wonder you're reading this blog at all....)
Yes, I was one of the millions who saw X-Men: The Last Stand over the weekend. Although I didn't like it quite as well as the first two movies, it was generally satisfactory. Here are my impressions.
The Good
* The Iceman/Pyro fight. The effects here were decent, and it was great to see Bobby all iced up. The closing dialogue was great, too. Pyro: "You should have stayed in the school." Iceman: [after taking Pyro out with a head-butt] "You never should have left."
* Beast. When I first heard they were casting Kelsey Grammer in the roll, I had my doubts. I was wrong. He was perfect. The voice, the attitude, the intonation, the "Oh my stars and garters" were all perfect. Whenever I read X-Men from now on, I'll probably hear Frasier's voice for Beast.
* Mystique's revenge. After being Magneto's right-hand woman (and lover?), he casts her away when she loses her powers. Big mistake. This woman is not someone to have as an enemy, no matter who you are.
* Kitty. I love the way she took out Juggernaut. Classic.
* The Fastball Special. "Hey, Tin Man, how's your throwing arm?"
* Magneto. For the first time, we really see him as a villain. Yes, he's been annoying and arrogant before, but here we get to see him for what he really is: a racist and a ruthless b@stard.
The Bad
* The effects. Too much of the CGI looked like CGI: the bouncing blue Beast, Jean's vaporization effect (especially in the big fight), and so on. Per a conversation in the gaming group last week, there's no excuse for poor CGI in a big-budget movie anymore.
* The death of Charles Xavier. Sure, his "I want you to take over the school someday" speech to Storm was a fair bit of foreshadowing. But to have him die so early in the movie felt anticlimactic. I suppose the plot required his early demise, but I'd have liked to see more of him.
* The death of Scott Summers. Leader of the X-Men, Charles Xavier's prize pupil and chosen successor, he doesn't even rate an on-screen death. At least it's consistent with the comics: nobody gets screwed by his writers quite like Cyclops.
* Jean's descent into madness. We didn't get to see enough of what made her evil: the battle within between her humanity and her lust for power. A few moments inside Jean's mind and/or a well-placed mental flashback or two would have made a world of difference.
The Ugly
* Jean's appearance. Granted, the makeup people did a good job of making Jean look creepy. But the Phoenix is supposed to be a creature of great passion - great joy and great rage. But she didn't look passionate in most of her scenes. She looked constipated.
Overall, I give this movie a B-. The plot wasn't as deep and the dialogue seemed forced much of the time, but there were also a lot of bits in there that kept the movie true to the franchise. In general, it was entertaining. I'll undoubtedly buy it, probably later this year when the three-movie box set comes out.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
The Turning Point
Dear Diary,
The past few days have been the hardest I've had since my parents died.
The year I spent in the foster home was unpleasant, but it was nothing like this. As much as I hated the place, I knew I was never in danger there. Even as messed up as I was, I knew I could handle anything that happened there. It was like a shelter from the real world. I knew that as long as I was there, I didn't have to face the nightmare that put me there.
These past few days, I've had to face the nightmare again.
I met the New Champions while I was still in the home. They were good to me, and Jeopardy told me to contact them when I turned 18 and got my life straightened out. So I did. I cleaned up my act, and by the time I turned 18, I'd done a lot of growing up. I got in touch with them again, and they seemed happy to see me. (Especially Terminal Velocity. The boy's a shameless flirt, but he's got a good heart.) They invited me to join, even gave me a radio and a costume. So I've spent the last few months as a superhero, fighting crime and busting VIPER a couple of times.
But I never had to face Genocide until now.
Things started out pretty normal. I got a call from Jeopardy saying they needed my help. I showed up in the warehouse district, and they asked me to run recon for them. I noticed a 'suspicious vehicle'. (I always wondered what that phrase meant on TV. Now I know.) T.V. went to deal with them. Then Jeopardy radioed me and asked me to see how much dry ice I could get hold of. She didn't say what for, but there was something really scary in her voice. She hasn't told me what was going on, and I haven't dared ask yet. I feel a special connection with her, but there's something about here that still scares me a little.
From there we rendezvoused with Blindside and Deadboy. Deadboy is friends with this rock band that's also publicly known as mutants. Someone had found out about a plot to attack the band at their concert the next evening. We started investigating, and the trail led to Genocide. They had stolen a blimp, and from the sound of it, equipped it with a cloaking device. We told Defender II about it, and he passed it on to the local authorities. But we knew they wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
So took up places at the stadium for the concert. Deadboy was on stage with the band. He fit right in with all that gothic stuff he usually wears. (I worry about him a little sometimes.) Blindside was in the crowd, and Jeopardy was outside the stadium in the parking lot. T.V. was running around all over the place like he normally does. Since I'm really the only flier in the group, I was on top of the skyboxes on the west side.
We were about half an hour into the concert when everything happened all at once. We got a reading on the blimp. T.V. ran up to where I was, and we took off. Meanwhile, a series of foam grenades went off and sealed all the stadium exits. And a truck crashed in the parking lot, and some sort of robot climbed out of the wreckage. So T.V. and I were going after the blimp, Jeopardy started fighting the robot, Blindside tried to clear the exits, and Deadboy was trying to keep the crowd from knowing that anything was even wrong.
At this point, I really only know what I was involved in. We managed to find the blimp, but not before I got hit with some kind of energy ray. I don't know what it was, but it made it a lot harder for me to fly. Still, I got us onto the blimp, but not before they started spraying napalm. We weren't quite over the stadium, so none of it fell onto the crowd. T.V. knocked one of the agents out of the blimp, then started working on closing the valves from the fuel tanks. I fought the other agent for a minute, but he jumped out and activated his jetpack. I don't know how I forgot they had those. It was those damn jetpacks that helped me identify Genocide as the people who killed my parents.
Anyway, as T.V. got the valves closed, the two agents started shooting at the storage tanks. If they punctured those tanks, they'd explode and rain napalm down on the city. So I shot at one of the agents and knocked him unconscious. As he started to fall, I realized he'd never survive a fall from that height, even with his armor. Before I could go after him, though, the other one got off a lucky shot and blew the tanks. T.V. got out just before the explosion, and I went after him. I caught him and got him safely to the ground. The agent who blew up the tanks got away. I never found out what happened to the other one.
Those agents meant to kill everyone in that stadium, just because the band on stage was made up of mutants. Thousands of people, most of them normal people, would have died if we hadn't been there. If that's not pure evil, then I don't know what is.
I've spent most of the last two years beating myself up over my parents' deaths. That stops today. It's time to start beating up the people who were really responsible.
I've told myself that if I hadn't snuck out that night, my parents wouldn't have been out looking for me and Genocide would never have found them. But I was only a couple of blocks from home when it happened. Those agents were in my own neighborhood. I don't know who they were looking for, but they would have found my family that night one way or another if that's why they were there. The only thing that would have been different is that I would have died with them. But Genocide didn't kill me that night, and that was their mistake.
I'm going to spend the rest of my life making them pay for that mistake.
(From the diary of Morningstar)
The past few days have been the hardest I've had since my parents died.
The year I spent in the foster home was unpleasant, but it was nothing like this. As much as I hated the place, I knew I was never in danger there. Even as messed up as I was, I knew I could handle anything that happened there. It was like a shelter from the real world. I knew that as long as I was there, I didn't have to face the nightmare that put me there.
These past few days, I've had to face the nightmare again.
I met the New Champions while I was still in the home. They were good to me, and Jeopardy told me to contact them when I turned 18 and got my life straightened out. So I did. I cleaned up my act, and by the time I turned 18, I'd done a lot of growing up. I got in touch with them again, and they seemed happy to see me. (Especially Terminal Velocity. The boy's a shameless flirt, but he's got a good heart.) They invited me to join, even gave me a radio and a costume. So I've spent the last few months as a superhero, fighting crime and busting VIPER a couple of times.
But I never had to face Genocide until now.
Things started out pretty normal. I got a call from Jeopardy saying they needed my help. I showed up in the warehouse district, and they asked me to run recon for them. I noticed a 'suspicious vehicle'. (I always wondered what that phrase meant on TV. Now I know.) T.V. went to deal with them. Then Jeopardy radioed me and asked me to see how much dry ice I could get hold of. She didn't say what for, but there was something really scary in her voice. She hasn't told me what was going on, and I haven't dared ask yet. I feel a special connection with her, but there's something about here that still scares me a little.
From there we rendezvoused with Blindside and Deadboy. Deadboy is friends with this rock band that's also publicly known as mutants. Someone had found out about a plot to attack the band at their concert the next evening. We started investigating, and the trail led to Genocide. They had stolen a blimp, and from the sound of it, equipped it with a cloaking device. We told Defender II about it, and he passed it on to the local authorities. But we knew they wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
So took up places at the stadium for the concert. Deadboy was on stage with the band. He fit right in with all that gothic stuff he usually wears. (I worry about him a little sometimes.) Blindside was in the crowd, and Jeopardy was outside the stadium in the parking lot. T.V. was running around all over the place like he normally does. Since I'm really the only flier in the group, I was on top of the skyboxes on the west side.
We were about half an hour into the concert when everything happened all at once. We got a reading on the blimp. T.V. ran up to where I was, and we took off. Meanwhile, a series of foam grenades went off and sealed all the stadium exits. And a truck crashed in the parking lot, and some sort of robot climbed out of the wreckage. So T.V. and I were going after the blimp, Jeopardy started fighting the robot, Blindside tried to clear the exits, and Deadboy was trying to keep the crowd from knowing that anything was even wrong.
At this point, I really only know what I was involved in. We managed to find the blimp, but not before I got hit with some kind of energy ray. I don't know what it was, but it made it a lot harder for me to fly. Still, I got us onto the blimp, but not before they started spraying napalm. We weren't quite over the stadium, so none of it fell onto the crowd. T.V. knocked one of the agents out of the blimp, then started working on closing the valves from the fuel tanks. I fought the other agent for a minute, but he jumped out and activated his jetpack. I don't know how I forgot they had those. It was those damn jetpacks that helped me identify Genocide as the people who killed my parents.
Anyway, as T.V. got the valves closed, the two agents started shooting at the storage tanks. If they punctured those tanks, they'd explode and rain napalm down on the city. So I shot at one of the agents and knocked him unconscious. As he started to fall, I realized he'd never survive a fall from that height, even with his armor. Before I could go after him, though, the other one got off a lucky shot and blew the tanks. T.V. got out just before the explosion, and I went after him. I caught him and got him safely to the ground. The agent who blew up the tanks got away. I never found out what happened to the other one.
Those agents meant to kill everyone in that stadium, just because the band on stage was made up of mutants. Thousands of people, most of them normal people, would have died if we hadn't been there. If that's not pure evil, then I don't know what is.
I've spent most of the last two years beating myself up over my parents' deaths. That stops today. It's time to start beating up the people who were really responsible.
I've told myself that if I hadn't snuck out that night, my parents wouldn't have been out looking for me and Genocide would never have found them. But I was only a couple of blocks from home when it happened. Those agents were in my own neighborhood. I don't know who they were looking for, but they would have found my family that night one way or another if that's why they were there. The only thing that would have been different is that I would have died with them. But Genocide didn't kill me that night, and that was their mistake.
I'm going to spend the rest of my life making them pay for that mistake.
(From the diary of Morningstar)
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Prelude and Conversation
“We’ve seen satellite photos of the aliens’ base camps all over the world,” Jack Diamond told the other heroes at the table, “and they all look exactly the same. The same dimensions, same organization, same shape.” He saw a couple of his cohorts nod. “That’s what makes this next picture is so interesting.”
He clicked a button on the remote control, and the projected picture on the conference room screen changed. The previous image’s perfect rectangle was now marred by a large, irregularly shaped protuberance. There was immediate chatter in the room.
“This is the landing zone in the Nevada desert. Over the past week, we’ve seen this unusual area form and grow. There has been no atmospheric traffic in or out and no particular activity in the area. No obvious reason for such a drastic change. So I went down last night to take a look.”
He pressed the button again, and a new image appeared. “These are night vision photos, digitally enhanced and colored. As you can see, this new area appears to be a hospital.”
Row upon hastily organized row of beds stood out in the grainy photograph. They were filled with the humanoid-looking creatures the heroes had come to know so well over the previous five months. More than a dozen similar photos followed in rapid succession.
“As you can see, a large portion of the enemy camp is now in bed. And as some of you have probably noticed, there are no signs of battle wounds, no missing limbs, or anything of the sort.”
“That's odd,” Bronze Guardian said. “Why would so many of them be in a hospital unless they were wounded?”
“They’re not injured,” Impulse offered. “They’re sick.”
Diamond smiled grimly at her deduction. “That’s what it looks like.” He waited in silence for a moment for that fact to sink in.
“So we may have an alien plague on our hands,” Thunderstrike said. Sometimes it was hard for Diamond to believe that this baby-faced kid was actually a married man in his mid-thirties with almost two decades of experience as a hero. “Any sign that it’s spread beyond the camp?”
“Not yet,” Diamond reassured him. “It’s our good luck that they set up shop in the middle of nowhere.”
“It’s also good luck that we have a world-renowned immunologist in our midst,” Thunderstrike countered, turning to a longtime teammate. “So what do we need, doc? Blood samples?”
“Blood samples would only be helpful I had some healthy ones for comparison,” the man-wolf answered. “If you can talk them into providing some, I'll be happy to see what I can do.”
“Fang’s right,” said Momenta, brushing the auburn hair from her eyes. “We need more information, or we’re never going to pin this one down.”
“It would help if we could tap into some resources beyond what we've got here. Enigma?”
The blonde-haired ex-intelligence officer looked up from his notepad at Impulse. “I know some people in the NSA,” he told her. “I can see what they might know.”
“Do it,” she replied, turning her attention back to Jack Diamond. “And if you have any unusual resources that might help….”
Diamond looked unusually thoughtful. “I think I just might.”
Jack Diamond knocked at the door. It opened almost immediately, as he had hoped it would. “Enigma….”
“Please, call me Alex.” He was obviously still not entirely comfortable using a code name.
“Alex,” he corrected himself. “May I come in?”
“Of course. Have a seat. Can I get you something?”
Diamond looked around at his teammate’s quarters. They were spartan, well organized, and immaculately clean. Not surprising, he thought; the man was in the military for ten years. “No thanks, I ate just before the meeting.”
“All right,” he answered, taking a seat opposite his guest. “What can I do for you?”
“What do you know about all this?”
Alex regarded his guest for a moment before answering. “That’s an interesting question.”
“I hope you’d be interested in an alien disease we may have no way to fight.”
“Oh, I am, certainly. But that’s not what I was talking about. It’s the question itself that I found interesting. ‘What do you know about all this?’ Not, ‘Do you know anything about this?’ or ‘Have you heard anything about this?’ A little presumptuous, don’t you think?”
“Not at all. If anyone here knows anything more than I do on this, it’s got to be you.”
“And why is that?”
“It’s your business to know things that nobody else knows, isn’t it?”
“Well, I do have some small talent for gathering information,” he admitted.
“Yes, and you also have a talent for obfuscation.” Diamond smiled. “And it’s not going to work on me. Tell me what you know.”
Alex thought for a moment before answering. “I’ll make you a deal. Prove to me that you know I know something, and we’ll talk.”
Diamond’s smile turned to a smirk. “Okay, we’ll play it your way. First, you have ten years’ experience in Air Force Intelligence, mostly spent cracking computer codes and translating enemy signals. Second, as you stated before, you have contacts in the intelligence community. And third, you love a good mystery as much as I do, and maybe more. There’s no reason you shouldn’t know something.”
Alex returned Diamond’s smile. “What you’ve given me is speculation and flattery—neither of which is proof. If you really think I’ve got information, you’ve got to know I won’t give it up that cheaply.”
“All right, then, there’s the matter of your behavior at the meeting a few minutes ago.”
“Yes?”
“You were extremely…professional.”
“Well, this is my profession.”
“No, it was more than that. You handled the meeting perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. You took notes, nodded at the appropriate times, even offered to help find some things out. You were concerned without being worried, detached without being distant. You have an exceptional poker face, Alex.”
“Thank you.”
“The problem is, no one else in the room was playing poker.”
The man not yet comfortable with the name Enigma allowed himself a small frown. “In other words, I did it too well. I begin to see the nature of the problem. Part of the adjustment to working with civilians, I guess.”
“It’s not that big a problem, actually. I seriously doubt anyone but me noticed.”
“What about Impulse?”
Diamond snorted dismissively. “Being a telepath doesn’t mean you know what people are thinking all the time. She’s a decent investigator, but she relies too much on her powers and not enough on her instincts.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You do that. Now, I believe you were about to answer some questions for me.”
“Fair enough. I can tell you that what you have deduced so far is true. That is a hospital we see in those pictures. There are something like three hundred and fifty of them in there right now....”
“Three hundred and thirty-eight, if my count is correct.”
“I don't doubt that it is. And no, they're not suffering from battle wounds. They're sick.”
“How sick?”
“It's probably life-threatening for most of them.”
“And what's the danger to us?”
“Minimal.”
Diamond looked his teammate directly in the eye. “What, exactly, do they have?”
“Influenza. The same strain that we all suffered through last last winter.”
He leaned back, exhaled. “So the aliens have contracted a disease that's generally just an inconvenience to us but is deadly to them. Bad break.”
“For them.”
“You know, if this disease had been intentionally introduced into their camp, some people would call that bioterrorism.”
Alex shrugged. “And some people would say the aliens set themselves up for that kind of response when they started dropping asteroids on our major cities.”
“So, an eye for an eye, eh? One weapon of mass destruction deserves another?”
He shrugged again. “One of the aims in war is to attack the enemy in a way they can't counter. We can't stop their mass drivers, they can't stop our viruses. We have a balance.”
“And that justifies biological warfare?”
“Usually, I'd say no. In this war, I'd be willing to make an exception.”
“Why this war?”
“Because this war isn't about power or resources or lines on a map. It's about evolution. If we lose this war, the human species becomes extinct. It's that simple. The choice for us is whether to go gently, or to rage. Until and unless the invaders show that they can coexist with us, we have to fight them with every weapon we have. Including biological warfare.”
The two regarded each other silently for a moment. “I won't say I disagree with your reasoning,” Diamond finally said. Alex nodded in acknowledgment. “From a strictly pragmatic point of view, it's a hell of a plan. Simple, discrete, devastatingly effective. Once all the planning was taken care of, it probably wouldn't take more than three or four people to implement.”
“What makes you think it would take more than one?” His face was utterly calm.
Diamond nodded to himself. The final piece of the puzzle. “I suppose a single operative could pull it off, if it were the right person. Sneaking into an alien encampment to plant a virus would take someone with extensive training in tactics and infiltration. Special Forces training, maybe. They'd need to be smart, able to think on their feet. They'd need nerve, not to mention exceptional talents. Maybe even superhuman powers.”
“And a rudimentary working knowledge of the aliens' language wouldn't hurt, either.”
For the first time in the conversation, Jack Diamond was truly surprised. He thought of a reply, then bit it back. He'd said enough, heard enough.
They sat together in silence for a long moment, then Diamond rose to his feet. Alex followed suit. “Well, I suppose I should get some work done. There's a war on, you know.” He extended his hand.
Alex took it at once and shook it. “Yes, these are trying times for us all. I'll call my friend at the NSA and see what he knows. Something tells me he'll be able to offer all kinds of interesting information.”
“Yeah, let me know what you find out. And thanks for the chat. This has been a most interesting evening of...speculation.”
Alex watched Diamond turn and leave his quarters. He smiled to himself.
“You never asked me to speculate.”
He clicked a button on the remote control, and the projected picture on the conference room screen changed. The previous image’s perfect rectangle was now marred by a large, irregularly shaped protuberance. There was immediate chatter in the room.
“This is the landing zone in the Nevada desert. Over the past week, we’ve seen this unusual area form and grow. There has been no atmospheric traffic in or out and no particular activity in the area. No obvious reason for such a drastic change. So I went down last night to take a look.”
He pressed the button again, and a new image appeared. “These are night vision photos, digitally enhanced and colored. As you can see, this new area appears to be a hospital.”
Row upon hastily organized row of beds stood out in the grainy photograph. They were filled with the humanoid-looking creatures the heroes had come to know so well over the previous five months. More than a dozen similar photos followed in rapid succession.
“As you can see, a large portion of the enemy camp is now in bed. And as some of you have probably noticed, there are no signs of battle wounds, no missing limbs, or anything of the sort.”
“That's odd,” Bronze Guardian said. “Why would so many of them be in a hospital unless they were wounded?”
“They’re not injured,” Impulse offered. “They’re sick.”
Diamond smiled grimly at her deduction. “That’s what it looks like.” He waited in silence for a moment for that fact to sink in.
“So we may have an alien plague on our hands,” Thunderstrike said. Sometimes it was hard for Diamond to believe that this baby-faced kid was actually a married man in his mid-thirties with almost two decades of experience as a hero. “Any sign that it’s spread beyond the camp?”
“Not yet,” Diamond reassured him. “It’s our good luck that they set up shop in the middle of nowhere.”
“It’s also good luck that we have a world-renowned immunologist in our midst,” Thunderstrike countered, turning to a longtime teammate. “So what do we need, doc? Blood samples?”
“Blood samples would only be helpful I had some healthy ones for comparison,” the man-wolf answered. “If you can talk them into providing some, I'll be happy to see what I can do.”
“Fang’s right,” said Momenta, brushing the auburn hair from her eyes. “We need more information, or we’re never going to pin this one down.”
“It would help if we could tap into some resources beyond what we've got here. Enigma?”
The blonde-haired ex-intelligence officer looked up from his notepad at Impulse. “I know some people in the NSA,” he told her. “I can see what they might know.”
“Do it,” she replied, turning her attention back to Jack Diamond. “And if you have any unusual resources that might help….”
Diamond looked unusually thoughtful. “I think I just might.”
Jack Diamond knocked at the door. It opened almost immediately, as he had hoped it would. “Enigma….”
“Please, call me Alex.” He was obviously still not entirely comfortable using a code name.
“Alex,” he corrected himself. “May I come in?”
“Of course. Have a seat. Can I get you something?”
Diamond looked around at his teammate’s quarters. They were spartan, well organized, and immaculately clean. Not surprising, he thought; the man was in the military for ten years. “No thanks, I ate just before the meeting.”
“All right,” he answered, taking a seat opposite his guest. “What can I do for you?”
“What do you know about all this?”
Alex regarded his guest for a moment before answering. “That’s an interesting question.”
“I hope you’d be interested in an alien disease we may have no way to fight.”
“Oh, I am, certainly. But that’s not what I was talking about. It’s the question itself that I found interesting. ‘What do you know about all this?’ Not, ‘Do you know anything about this?’ or ‘Have you heard anything about this?’ A little presumptuous, don’t you think?”
“Not at all. If anyone here knows anything more than I do on this, it’s got to be you.”
“And why is that?”
“It’s your business to know things that nobody else knows, isn’t it?”
“Well, I do have some small talent for gathering information,” he admitted.
“Yes, and you also have a talent for obfuscation.” Diamond smiled. “And it’s not going to work on me. Tell me what you know.”
Alex thought for a moment before answering. “I’ll make you a deal. Prove to me that you know I know something, and we’ll talk.”
Diamond’s smile turned to a smirk. “Okay, we’ll play it your way. First, you have ten years’ experience in Air Force Intelligence, mostly spent cracking computer codes and translating enemy signals. Second, as you stated before, you have contacts in the intelligence community. And third, you love a good mystery as much as I do, and maybe more. There’s no reason you shouldn’t know something.”
Alex returned Diamond’s smile. “What you’ve given me is speculation and flattery—neither of which is proof. If you really think I’ve got information, you’ve got to know I won’t give it up that cheaply.”
“All right, then, there’s the matter of your behavior at the meeting a few minutes ago.”
“Yes?”
“You were extremely…professional.”
“Well, this is my profession.”
“No, it was more than that. You handled the meeting perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. You took notes, nodded at the appropriate times, even offered to help find some things out. You were concerned without being worried, detached without being distant. You have an exceptional poker face, Alex.”
“Thank you.”
“The problem is, no one else in the room was playing poker.”
The man not yet comfortable with the name Enigma allowed himself a small frown. “In other words, I did it too well. I begin to see the nature of the problem. Part of the adjustment to working with civilians, I guess.”
“It’s not that big a problem, actually. I seriously doubt anyone but me noticed.”
“What about Impulse?”
Diamond snorted dismissively. “Being a telepath doesn’t mean you know what people are thinking all the time. She’s a decent investigator, but she relies too much on her powers and not enough on her instincts.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You do that. Now, I believe you were about to answer some questions for me.”
“Fair enough. I can tell you that what you have deduced so far is true. That is a hospital we see in those pictures. There are something like three hundred and fifty of them in there right now....”
“Three hundred and thirty-eight, if my count is correct.”
“I don't doubt that it is. And no, they're not suffering from battle wounds. They're sick.”
“How sick?”
“It's probably life-threatening for most of them.”
“And what's the danger to us?”
“Minimal.”
Diamond looked his teammate directly in the eye. “What, exactly, do they have?”
“Influenza. The same strain that we all suffered through last last winter.”
He leaned back, exhaled. “So the aliens have contracted a disease that's generally just an inconvenience to us but is deadly to them. Bad break.”
“For them.”
“You know, if this disease had been intentionally introduced into their camp, some people would call that bioterrorism.”
Alex shrugged. “And some people would say the aliens set themselves up for that kind of response when they started dropping asteroids on our major cities.”
“So, an eye for an eye, eh? One weapon of mass destruction deserves another?”
He shrugged again. “One of the aims in war is to attack the enemy in a way they can't counter. We can't stop their mass drivers, they can't stop our viruses. We have a balance.”
“And that justifies biological warfare?”
“Usually, I'd say no. In this war, I'd be willing to make an exception.”
“Why this war?”
“Because this war isn't about power or resources or lines on a map. It's about evolution. If we lose this war, the human species becomes extinct. It's that simple. The choice for us is whether to go gently, or to rage. Until and unless the invaders show that they can coexist with us, we have to fight them with every weapon we have. Including biological warfare.”
The two regarded each other silently for a moment. “I won't say I disagree with your reasoning,” Diamond finally said. Alex nodded in acknowledgment. “From a strictly pragmatic point of view, it's a hell of a plan. Simple, discrete, devastatingly effective. Once all the planning was taken care of, it probably wouldn't take more than three or four people to implement.”
“What makes you think it would take more than one?” His face was utterly calm.
Diamond nodded to himself. The final piece of the puzzle. “I suppose a single operative could pull it off, if it were the right person. Sneaking into an alien encampment to plant a virus would take someone with extensive training in tactics and infiltration. Special Forces training, maybe. They'd need to be smart, able to think on their feet. They'd need nerve, not to mention exceptional talents. Maybe even superhuman powers.”
“And a rudimentary working knowledge of the aliens' language wouldn't hurt, either.”
For the first time in the conversation, Jack Diamond was truly surprised. He thought of a reply, then bit it back. He'd said enough, heard enough.
They sat together in silence for a long moment, then Diamond rose to his feet. Alex followed suit. “Well, I suppose I should get some work done. There's a war on, you know.” He extended his hand.
Alex took it at once and shook it. “Yes, these are trying times for us all. I'll call my friend at the NSA and see what he knows. Something tells me he'll be able to offer all kinds of interesting information.”
“Yeah, let me know what you find out. And thanks for the chat. This has been a most interesting evening of...speculation.”
Alex watched Diamond turn and leave his quarters. He smiled to himself.
“You never asked me to speculate.”
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
The REAL March Madness
March Madness '06: The Ultimate Battle
Deathstroke vs Wolverine?
Batman vs Black Panther?
Colossus vs Green Lantern?
Iron Man vs Earth 2 Superman?
Emma Frost vs The Hulk?
Supergirl vs Superboy Prime?
Who will win it all?!
Deathstroke vs Wolverine?
Batman vs Black Panther?
Colossus vs Green Lantern?
Iron Man vs Earth 2 Superman?
Emma Frost vs The Hulk?
Supergirl vs Superboy Prime?
Who will win it all?!
What If?
One of my favorite aspects of Science Fiction is the speculative nature of the genre. For example, Star Trek, Firefly, Babylon 5, Space: Above and Beyond, and Battlestar Galactica all take place in the Earth's future, yet they are radically different in tone and content. The major differences, to my mind, are all based on assumptions about what happens between now and then. Change just a few key events, and the entire future changes.
Literature is full of such stories. What would have happened if Germany developed the atomic bomb first, or if Rome hadn't fallen? I heard recently about a video game in which it's assumed that Hitler was assassinated young—which opened the door for Stalin to take over Europe instead. It's fun to speculate how history would change if a single event came out differently.
I saw a movie recently that uses this approach in an unconventional genre, the romantic comedy. It's called Sliding Doors. To explain: A young London woman is fired from her job. On her way back home she rushes down the stairs to the Underground, only to miss her train by seconds. Then we see a rewind effect, and she comes back down the stairs and makes her train. At this point, time splits.
In one timeline, the train gets her home quickly, and she finds her live-in boyfriend in bed with another woman. She leaves him, meets someone else, and ends up starting her own business. In the other timeline, she leaves the train station and tries to hail a cab, only to get mugged in the process. Her emergency room visit keeps her from getting home in time to discover her lecherous boyfriend's affair, and her injury motivates him to pay more attention to her, at least in the short term. We watch the two stories unfold side by side, wondering which one is the real story. I won't spoil the ending for those who haven't seen it, but I will say that the ending features a nice bit of symmetry that unites the two timelines.
In other words, it's basically a chick flick with sci-fi undertones. Something for everyone.
Literature is full of such stories. What would have happened if Germany developed the atomic bomb first, or if Rome hadn't fallen? I heard recently about a video game in which it's assumed that Hitler was assassinated young—which opened the door for Stalin to take over Europe instead. It's fun to speculate how history would change if a single event came out differently.
I saw a movie recently that uses this approach in an unconventional genre, the romantic comedy. It's called Sliding Doors. To explain: A young London woman is fired from her job. On her way back home she rushes down the stairs to the Underground, only to miss her train by seconds. Then we see a rewind effect, and she comes back down the stairs and makes her train. At this point, time splits.
In one timeline, the train gets her home quickly, and she finds her live-in boyfriend in bed with another woman. She leaves him, meets someone else, and ends up starting her own business. In the other timeline, she leaves the train station and tries to hail a cab, only to get mugged in the process. Her emergency room visit keeps her from getting home in time to discover her lecherous boyfriend's affair, and her injury motivates him to pay more attention to her, at least in the short term. We watch the two stories unfold side by side, wondering which one is the real story. I won't spoil the ending for those who haven't seen it, but I will say that the ending features a nice bit of symmetry that unites the two timelines.
In other words, it's basically a chick flick with sci-fi undertones. Something for everyone.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Love & Romance, SF/F-Style
In celebration of the Valentine's Day holiday, let's look at some prominent Sci-fi and Fantasy romances:
» Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson (Spider-Man)
In a universe where most superhero romances end up completely screwed up (i.e., Scott Summers), it's great to see a nice couple like this live a fairly normal and happy life.
» Han Solo and Leia Organa (Star Wars)
"Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her, or I'm beginning to like her." Ah, the joys of love at first sight. Who would have thought a princess and a scoundrel could make it work so well?
» Richard Rahl and Kahlan Amnell (Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series)
The most horrifying things happen to this couple. They face death, pain, torture, betrayal, loss, and grief by the cartload. But their love keeps them alive and hopeful, and that hope radiates to those they lead as they fight the greatest evil their world has ever known.
» Clark Kent and Lois Lane (Superman)
Lois is as central to the Superman mythos as Clark himself is. You simply can't have one without the other, be it in print, television, or movie format.
» Jadzia Dax and Worf (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
While his dalliance with Deanna Troi near the end of TNG was interesting, Worf met his true match and soulmate in Jadzia. Even after her untimely (and useless) death, she still shaped Worf's life like nobody else could. This was the best of all the Trek romances.
» Bob and Helen Parr (Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl) (The Incredibles)
The family that fights crime together stays together. The "I'm not strong enough" sequence is one of my favorite movie scenes ever.
» Marcus Cole and Susan Ivanova (Babylon 5)
One of the greatest romances that never was. Marcus loved Ivanova from afar, adored her, saved himself for her, and ultimately died for her. Ivanova could never bring herself to see, accept, or return his love until it was too late. As tragic as anything from Shakespeare.
» Westley and Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Proof positive that death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
» Daniel Drieberg (Night Owl) and Laurie Juspeczyk (Silk Spectre) (Watchmen)
When the world is going to hell around you, sometimes all you can do is hold on to someone. And sometimes, that's enough.
» Simon Tam and Kaylee Frye (Firefly / Serenity)
Face it: if Simon—a certified geek whose family issues are, to say the least, problematic—can get the girl, then there's got to be hope for the rest of us.
» Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson (Spider-Man)
In a universe where most superhero romances end up completely screwed up (i.e., Scott Summers), it's great to see a nice couple like this live a fairly normal and happy life.
» Han Solo and Leia Organa (Star Wars)
"Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her, or I'm beginning to like her." Ah, the joys of love at first sight. Who would have thought a princess and a scoundrel could make it work so well?
» Richard Rahl and Kahlan Amnell (Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series)
The most horrifying things happen to this couple. They face death, pain, torture, betrayal, loss, and grief by the cartload. But their love keeps them alive and hopeful, and that hope radiates to those they lead as they fight the greatest evil their world has ever known.
» Clark Kent and Lois Lane (Superman)
Lois is as central to the Superman mythos as Clark himself is. You simply can't have one without the other, be it in print, television, or movie format.
» Jadzia Dax and Worf (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
While his dalliance with Deanna Troi near the end of TNG was interesting, Worf met his true match and soulmate in Jadzia. Even after her untimely (and useless) death, she still shaped Worf's life like nobody else could. This was the best of all the Trek romances.
» Bob and Helen Parr (Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl) (The Incredibles)
The family that fights crime together stays together. The "I'm not strong enough" sequence is one of my favorite movie scenes ever.
» Marcus Cole and Susan Ivanova (Babylon 5)
One of the greatest romances that never was. Marcus loved Ivanova from afar, adored her, saved himself for her, and ultimately died for her. Ivanova could never bring herself to see, accept, or return his love until it was too late. As tragic as anything from Shakespeare.
» Westley and Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Proof positive that death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
» Daniel Drieberg (Night Owl) and Laurie Juspeczyk (Silk Spectre) (Watchmen)
When the world is going to hell around you, sometimes all you can do is hold on to someone. And sometimes, that's enough.
» Simon Tam and Kaylee Frye (Firefly / Serenity)
Face it: if Simon—a certified geek whose family issues are, to say the least, problematic—can get the girl, then there's got to be hope for the rest of us.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Star Trek: Reloaded
The question of where Star Trek goes next is an interesting one. Here's my take:
Obviously, we can't start from where we left off. The Trek universe, at 'present', isn't very interesting.
Here's the current situation: the Dominion is defeated, the Borg Queen is dead, Cardassia has been emasculated, the Romulans are still rebuilding after the Shinzon debacle, the Federation is in a state of détente with the Klingons, the Maquis are gone, and the Ferengi are looking positively benign under the administration of Grand Nagus Rom.
In short, there's nobody left to fight.
Oh sure, the Breen, the Naussicans, and the Tholians are still around. But it's hard to imagine a whole series based around any of these antagonists. They're too inhuman to make it interesting. There are still a few hostiles floating around in the Delta Quadrant—the Hirogen, Species 8472, and the like. It certainly wouldn't break my heart to see the Kazon get their butts whipped a few more times. But those foes are thousands of light-years away. And to be honest, they were of only limited interest in Voyager in the first place.
The Trek universe has become boring.
And to me, that is the real problem. The solution? As Derek suggested, let's go back to a time when things were really interesting. Conflict is at the heart of any good story. And there's plenty of that in the Trek universe of the 'past'.
The Next Generation/Deep Space 9 era is certainly a good candidate for a series setting. It would give potential viewers a sense of familiarity, and there are certainly enough interesting things going on then. We might see the Klingon civil war from one of the other ships in the Federation blockade. Perhaps there were some survivors of Wolf 359. Or maybe, just maybe, there were some interesting things going on back then that didn't involve the Enterprise or her crew in the least.
I've recently been reading some of the Star Trek: The Lost Era books. This would also be an interesting setting. George Takei is almost 80 now, so it may not be practical to show the Sulu-era adventures of the Excelsior. But there are almost unlimited possibilities for Enterprise-B and Enterprise-C. Let's see some action involving Captains Harriman and Garrett. The universe of the Trek Interregnum sounds like a pretty exciting place to me, filled with exploration and confrontation. Bring on the classic nemeses: the Romulans, the Cardassians, and yes, even the Klingons.
Now that we've established the when of the matter, let's talk about who.
The idea of seeing some junior officers, perhaps not even on the Federation flagship, holds some definite potential. Part of the legacy of Star Trek (and most sci-fi TV) is the 'Fairy-tale Syndrome'. Let me explain. Think of any fairy tale that comes to mind, even the animated ones. What do all the main characters have in common? They are all intimately connected with royalty. Cinderella finds her handsome prince. Aladdin finds his princess. Simba is denied his right as king of the pride. Anastasia finds out she's not just a peasant girl but the last surviving member of the Romanov family. And so on. The common folks are typically relegated to supporting roles, if they're seen at all.
So it is with Trek. Consider the Enterprise-D. Think of anyone who could be considered a 'main character', a recurring character whose actions have lasting effects on the ship and/or her crew. I come up with the following: Captain Picard, Riker, Data, Geordi, Dr. Crusher, Dr. Pulaski, Wesley, Troi, Worf, Yar, O' Brien, Barkley, Ro Laren, Guinan, and maybe Lwaxana Troi. Fifteen main characters in the series. The stated crew of the Enterprise is just over a thousand. 98% of the overall story involves less than 2% of the crew. And the majority of those people are command-level officers—the ship's royalty, if you will.
Are there any normal people in Starfleet? Of course there are. They're the ones wearing the red shirts. They're the ones who die in the first five minutes of the episode to show how serious the situation is. To wit, the away team beams down to a hostile alien planet: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, and Slobowski. Hmm, who do you think is not going to survive this mission?
Of course every ship has a captain and a command crew. But think about a modern aircraft carrier. The USS Ronald Reagan has a crew of about 6,000. How many of those folks interact with the captain on a daily basis? How many interact with anyone on the command staff? Probably very few. Maybe commanding officers are more accessible to their crews in the future, but I can still imagine a crewman going through an entire two-year stint in Starfleet and never once having dinner at the captain's table.
So let's see how the other half lives. And more importantly, let's focus on the characters themselves, rather than just their rank and/or position. Part of what I like about what I've read of Kurt Buseik's comics work is that he doesn't tell superhero stories. He tells stories about people who happen to be superheroes. To beat the same dead horse once again, the reason that Babylon 5 and Firefly were so good is because the stories were character-driven. So are the best trek episodes, like "City on the Edge of Forever", "The Inner Light", and "The Visitor".
I guess that's ultimately what it comes down to, for me: tell interesting stories involving characters I can care about, and I'll tune in every week.
Obviously, we can't start from where we left off. The Trek universe, at 'present', isn't very interesting.
Here's the current situation: the Dominion is defeated, the Borg Queen is dead, Cardassia has been emasculated, the Romulans are still rebuilding after the Shinzon debacle, the Federation is in a state of détente with the Klingons, the Maquis are gone, and the Ferengi are looking positively benign under the administration of Grand Nagus Rom.
In short, there's nobody left to fight.
Oh sure, the Breen, the Naussicans, and the Tholians are still around. But it's hard to imagine a whole series based around any of these antagonists. They're too inhuman to make it interesting. There are still a few hostiles floating around in the Delta Quadrant—the Hirogen, Species 8472, and the like. It certainly wouldn't break my heart to see the Kazon get their butts whipped a few more times. But those foes are thousands of light-years away. And to be honest, they were of only limited interest in Voyager in the first place.
The Trek universe has become boring.
And to me, that is the real problem. The solution? As Derek suggested, let's go back to a time when things were really interesting. Conflict is at the heart of any good story. And there's plenty of that in the Trek universe of the 'past'.
The Next Generation/Deep Space 9 era is certainly a good candidate for a series setting. It would give potential viewers a sense of familiarity, and there are certainly enough interesting things going on then. We might see the Klingon civil war from one of the other ships in the Federation blockade. Perhaps there were some survivors of Wolf 359. Or maybe, just maybe, there were some interesting things going on back then that didn't involve the Enterprise or her crew in the least.
I've recently been reading some of the Star Trek: The Lost Era books. This would also be an interesting setting. George Takei is almost 80 now, so it may not be practical to show the Sulu-era adventures of the Excelsior. But there are almost unlimited possibilities for Enterprise-B and Enterprise-C. Let's see some action involving Captains Harriman and Garrett. The universe of the Trek Interregnum sounds like a pretty exciting place to me, filled with exploration and confrontation. Bring on the classic nemeses: the Romulans, the Cardassians, and yes, even the Klingons.
Now that we've established the when of the matter, let's talk about who.
The idea of seeing some junior officers, perhaps not even on the Federation flagship, holds some definite potential. Part of the legacy of Star Trek (and most sci-fi TV) is the 'Fairy-tale Syndrome'. Let me explain. Think of any fairy tale that comes to mind, even the animated ones. What do all the main characters have in common? They are all intimately connected with royalty. Cinderella finds her handsome prince. Aladdin finds his princess. Simba is denied his right as king of the pride. Anastasia finds out she's not just a peasant girl but the last surviving member of the Romanov family. And so on. The common folks are typically relegated to supporting roles, if they're seen at all.
So it is with Trek. Consider the Enterprise-D. Think of anyone who could be considered a 'main character', a recurring character whose actions have lasting effects on the ship and/or her crew. I come up with the following: Captain Picard, Riker, Data, Geordi, Dr. Crusher, Dr. Pulaski, Wesley, Troi, Worf, Yar, O' Brien, Barkley, Ro Laren, Guinan, and maybe Lwaxana Troi. Fifteen main characters in the series. The stated crew of the Enterprise is just over a thousand. 98% of the overall story involves less than 2% of the crew. And the majority of those people are command-level officers—the ship's royalty, if you will.
Are there any normal people in Starfleet? Of course there are. They're the ones wearing the red shirts. They're the ones who die in the first five minutes of the episode to show how serious the situation is. To wit, the away team beams down to a hostile alien planet: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, and Slobowski. Hmm, who do you think is not going to survive this mission?
Of course every ship has a captain and a command crew. But think about a modern aircraft carrier. The USS Ronald Reagan has a crew of about 6,000. How many of those folks interact with the captain on a daily basis? How many interact with anyone on the command staff? Probably very few. Maybe commanding officers are more accessible to their crews in the future, but I can still imagine a crewman going through an entire two-year stint in Starfleet and never once having dinner at the captain's table.
So let's see how the other half lives. And more importantly, let's focus on the characters themselves, rather than just their rank and/or position. Part of what I like about what I've read of Kurt Buseik's comics work is that he doesn't tell superhero stories. He tells stories about people who happen to be superheroes. To beat the same dead horse once again, the reason that Babylon 5 and Firefly were so good is because the stories were character-driven. So are the best trek episodes, like "City on the Edge of Forever", "The Inner Light", and "The Visitor".
I guess that's ultimately what it comes down to, for me: tell interesting stories involving characters I can care about, and I'll tune in every week.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Star Trek Next
Just about everyone I know believes Star Trek: Enterprise was the weakest of the Trek television shows. I don't know that I could conclusively argue one way or another, but Voyager strikes me as the weakest of the two. Both series had excellent episodes, but neither can compare with The Next Generation or Deep Space Nine (my clear favorite). Regardless of which incarnation was worse than the other, one thing is clear to this Trek fan: the franchise took a serious dive after DS9. And so I pose to my AoD colleagues and readers, if we have any, the task of reinvigorating the Star Trek franchise via a new television series. I don't know about anyone else, but I really miss good Star Trek. My idea follows.
Remember the The Next Generation episode, Lower Decks? Rather than follow the regular crew, the episode focused on the lives of four junior officers. This has to be one of my favorite Star Trek episodes of all time. There was something refreshing about a new perspective of a familiar landscape. Were someone to hand the future of the franchise over to me, I'd put together an entire series based on this concept. Each episode would follow the lives of four or five Next Generation era crew members as they go about their duties, get taken to task by superior officers, deal with various ship crises, and so forth. At first glance, I know this doesn't sound very exciting. Wait, there's more! I'd have the writers begin the creative process by outlining a traditional "shuttle craft in trouble," "confrontation with the Romulans," "rescue the doomed colony" storyline. From there, the writers would write the main plot, focusing on the junior officers, so that the viewers see the events unfold from a non-traditional perspective. One of the junior officers would be in Engineering, for example. We'd see the Chief Engineer, but always in the background. Viewers would hear the Chief Engineer talking with the Bridge about the impending core breach, but the action would center on our junior officer. In essence, I'd take traditional Trek and invert the filming process. To date, every series foregrounds the command staff and backgrounds everyone else. I'd foreground junior officers and background the command staff.
Taking this non-traditional approach to Trek does few things. First, it forces writers out of their comfort zone. Most fans complain that the Trek franchise has grown a bit stale--this breathes a bit of fresh air into the process. It also requires a new look at the production process. Can you imagine the challenge of shooting a scene that focuses one of the main characters so that the viewers can also see the Captain (who we never see behind the scenes or in a non-command capacity), communicating with threatening aliens? Second, a series written from this perspective would be affordable. With the focus on secondary characters (relatively unknown actors, perhaps?), we'd see far less of the action directly. We'd see some of it, of course, but far less. A more affordable program could be marketed to a non-major network (hello, SciFi!). As UPN recently merged with WB, I doubt the Star Trek franchise would find a home there. Viacom/Paramount/CBS/Whoever (major reorganizing has gone on within Viacom/Paramount/CBS recently--I'm not sure who retains the rights to ST) could go back to the syndication model, which seemed to work for TNG and DS9.
So, there's my idea. It's not so much a radical revisioning of the ST franchise, but a reconceptualization or refocusing.
Remember the The Next Generation episode, Lower Decks? Rather than follow the regular crew, the episode focused on the lives of four junior officers. This has to be one of my favorite Star Trek episodes of all time. There was something refreshing about a new perspective of a familiar landscape. Were someone to hand the future of the franchise over to me, I'd put together an entire series based on this concept. Each episode would follow the lives of four or five Next Generation era crew members as they go about their duties, get taken to task by superior officers, deal with various ship crises, and so forth. At first glance, I know this doesn't sound very exciting. Wait, there's more! I'd have the writers begin the creative process by outlining a traditional "shuttle craft in trouble," "confrontation with the Romulans," "rescue the doomed colony" storyline. From there, the writers would write the main plot, focusing on the junior officers, so that the viewers see the events unfold from a non-traditional perspective. One of the junior officers would be in Engineering, for example. We'd see the Chief Engineer, but always in the background. Viewers would hear the Chief Engineer talking with the Bridge about the impending core breach, but the action would center on our junior officer. In essence, I'd take traditional Trek and invert the filming process. To date, every series foregrounds the command staff and backgrounds everyone else. I'd foreground junior officers and background the command staff.
Taking this non-traditional approach to Trek does few things. First, it forces writers out of their comfort zone. Most fans complain that the Trek franchise has grown a bit stale--this breathes a bit of fresh air into the process. It also requires a new look at the production process. Can you imagine the challenge of shooting a scene that focuses one of the main characters so that the viewers can also see the Captain (who we never see behind the scenes or in a non-command capacity), communicating with threatening aliens? Second, a series written from this perspective would be affordable. With the focus on secondary characters (relatively unknown actors, perhaps?), we'd see far less of the action directly. We'd see some of it, of course, but far less. A more affordable program could be marketed to a non-major network (hello, SciFi!). As UPN recently merged with WB, I doubt the Star Trek franchise would find a home there. Viacom/Paramount/CBS/Whoever (major reorganizing has gone on within Viacom/Paramount/CBS recently--I'm not sure who retains the rights to ST) could go back to the syndication model, which seemed to work for TNG and DS9.
So, there's my idea. It's not so much a radical revisioning of the ST franchise, but a reconceptualization or refocusing.
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